


Acquiesce to disorder

by Jean____Ralphio



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Ben is in for a hard time, GET IT, Hogwarts!au, M/M, Poe is a little shit, Professor!Hux, Teacher-Student Relationship, so much angst you guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:34:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 54,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23212594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jean____Ralphio/pseuds/Jean____Ralphio
Summary: Ben knew his seventh year a Hogwarts wasn't going to be a walk in the park, but his stupid crush on his Potions Professor really doesn't have the right to make it all the worse. He tries to keep his head down, and avoid comparisons to his mother, the Minister for Magic, and his father, the renowned criminal. All he wants is to hang out with his best friend Poe, learn about cool creatures, pass his classes, try not to make an idiot of himself in front of Professor Hux and get through the year. Life has other plans.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 92
Kudos: 179





	1. September

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to my betas, tumblr users @saxgoddess25, @akoya-pearls and @whosthathufflepuff (aka my parabatai).  
> This fic popped into my brain out of nowhere. Not sure how many chapters it will be but I'll try to be quick at updating.  
> Feel free to visit me on tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/jean----ralphio
> 
> Nga mihi

Ben Solo kept his shoulders hunched as he stalked down the train corridor, curling in on himself to try and attract the least amount of attention. This was a difficult task since he stood at well over 6 feet, and the train was lurching under his feet, making him stumble back and forth like an idiot as he tried to make his way.

His mother had seen him off at the Hogwarts Express platform and Ben was still feeling uncomfortable from all the attention she had garnered. Surrounded by her usual entourage of bodyguards and assistants, Leia had squeezed Ben's hands and stretched up to press a kiss to his cheek in farewell, then turned to smile for the photographers and reporters gathered behein them, who were a near constant presence in their lives. Ben had hugged her only briefly, mindful of the stares and whispers, hating the camera flashes. Leia had already begun to sign the documents and read the memos being waved under her nose by her aides even as she'd walked off the platform, her security team forming a barricade between the Minister and the press. Ben hadn’t bothered with a backward glance as he’d boarded.

As he made his way along the train, Ben couldn’t see Poe, but he could hear him. He followed the sound of his best friend’s laughter, trailing his suitcase behind him, not needing to glance into any other compartments as he passed. He wasn’t interested in reuniting with anyone else. When the gaggle of third year Ravenclaw girls who’d been slowing his journey finally ducked into a compartment, he spotted Poe up ahead.

Poe was lounging against the doorframe of a compartment around the middle of the train, chatting away through the open door, wearing the bright-eyed look he always got when he was around Finn. Poe’s suitcase and the cage containing his orange-and-white striped cat BB blocked the corridor behind him. When Ben reached him, Poe threw an arm around him without even looking, so he could hang off his shoulders instead.

Sure enough, Finn was sitting with Rey by the compartment window, his face lit up as he gazed up at Poe. Poe was regaling them with tales of his summer spent visiting family in America. Specifically, he seemed to be telling the story of how his Uncle’s pet Jarvey had woken him by screaming vile swear words every morning at 4am.

The son of the American ambassador to the Ministry of Magic, Poe had spent a week upon his return to the UK lazing about on one of the couches in Ben’s quiet house. Mostly all they had done was eat through the pile of American junk food Poe had brought back while they talked Quidditch, Jarveys, and the horror that was sure to be their final year at Hogwarts.

Rey caught Ben's gaze and rolled her eyes a little at him, and he smirked in response; Finn was beaming up at Poe as if he'd hung the moon. Ben had never had as much to do with Finn and Rey as Poe did. Well, he never had much to do with anyone besides his best friend, if he was honest. Being the son of Leia Organa, who has been the Minister for Magic for over fifteen years, plenty of people had certainly tried to get close to Ben, to befriend him. Poe had been the only one who didn’t treat Ben any differently because of who his mother was. Ben kept everyone else at arm’s length with an almost studious intent. Too many surface-level friendships in the past, ones that broke to pieces when people really got to know him, or found him less useful or not as easy to manipulate as he’d seemed, had made him wary.

Besides, Ben had always been low-key terrified of Rey; she was very gifted, probably the most powerful witch in their year, and as her Gryffindor colours showed, she had a wild streak a mile wide. She was kind enough, but he found her too unpredictable. When Ben finally noticed the Head Girl badge on her robes he told her congratulations.

“Thank you,” she beamed, before continuing with even more pride. “Finn too.”

She pointed to her friend’s chest, where the Head Boy badge was displayed, reflecting the yellow from Finn's tie in the sunlight.

Ben forced himself to smile at Finn.

“Congratulations.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Finn. Everyone liked Finn. He was nice to Ben and was generally an all-round good guy. He deserved to be Head Boy. It was Poe’s feelings that made Ben unable to keep from being a little distant; he knew all about hopeless crushes, and Poe at least had a chance with his. If anything, Ben was kinda jealous of how starry-eyed Poe got around Finn. It felt inevitable they’d get their shit together eventually and start dating, if Poe would only grow a pair and make a move. Ben wanted that, wanted his best friend happy with the guy he’d been crushing on since they were 14. But once it happened, he knew he’d lose Poe a little bit. The loneliness that Poe single-handedly kept at bay would be insurmountable if Ben were on his own.

Ben kept his smile in place as he took a handful of Poe’s robes and gave a surreptitious tug. When Poe didn’t respond he leaned around him, hefted BB’s cage in his free hand and said a polite goodbye to Finn and Rey.

“We’ll get out of your hair. See you later guys.”

Poe almost pouted but alleviated his displeasure by scrambling up onto Ben for a piggyback ride, charming their suitcases to levitate behind them and waving manically at Finn as Ben stumbled off again down the swaying corridor, grumbling and trying to keep BB’s cage from knocking into the wall.

The last compartment of the train, thankfully, was empty, and Ben all but dumped Poe off him. His friend slithered to the ground and relieved him of BB, letting the cat out as Ben shut the door. BB stretched, yawned, then tried to climb up into Ben’s arms before he’d even sat down.

“Hey, BB.”

BB purred and nestled onto his shoulder, kneading the fabric of his robes.

Poe frowned at him as he took the seat opposite, “Man, why’d you make us leave?! I haven’t seen Finn in months!”

“Ask him out then, you’d see much more of him,” was Ben’s dry response, as if he didn’t care either way, (even though he totally did).

Poe grinned and blushed simultaneously, “I can’t!”

“Why not?” Ben focused on scratching under BB’s chin, already knowing what Poe’s answer would be; what Poe’s answer always was.

“He’ll say no!”

Ben rolled his eyes and shook back his hair, which had grown longer over summer, and now settled in dark almost-curls around his neck.

“How will you know if you don’t ask?”

They bickered back and forth for a while, making their usual arguments against each other, before Ben grew bored and turned the conversation to Quidditch. Poe was captain of their house team, and was rivalled only by Rey in terms of both the Seeker position and skill on the broom. Ben had played Beater since their fourth year; he found hitting bludgers to be excellent stress relief, and Merlin, was he stressed.

Ben's mother, who he had barely seen over summer due to her busy schedule, had accosted him the previous evening about his plans once his schooling was over. She was pushing for him to join the Ministry and follow in her footsteps. He knew why; with half his genes courtesy of Han Solo, Leia had always feared their son being too much like his father. She worried over Ben not amounting to his full potential, crashing and burning and taking her legacy with him, or that she might lose him completely should he disappear the way Han had in the search of freedom and adventure.

Ben wasn’t sure how many times he had to tell her he didn’t intend to do any of that, but without a straight answer about his goals for the future, their conversation had descended into arguing and slammed doors.

Ben certainly didn’t want a job in the Ministry, having already had enough of that place during his childhood to last a lifetime. He’d practically been raised there until Uncle Luke had convinced Leia that Ben was old enough to be left at home alone when he wasn't at Hogwarts, to haunt the halls of their Edwardian terrace house by himself while Leia presided over meetings and signed edicts and shook hands.

The truth was, Ben didn’t know what he wanted to do after Hogwarts. He enjoyed Quidditch, but not enough to want to go pro; he fully intended to give the Ministry a wide berth, not least because he knew he’d be found wanting almost immediately when compared to his mother; being an Auror or a Healer or a wand-maker or any other such job seemed to need too much dedication, with long hours and the stress of work following him home. None of that was what he wanted.

The only one of his classes he outright enjoyed was Care of Magical Creatures. He liked Potions and Herbology too, but he couldn’t really cobble together a career in his mind that used all of them.

When he thought about it, he just wanted a quiet life. A job he enjoyed but which didn’t demand flawlessness, that he could leave at the door when he went home each day to a family.

Ben snorted to himself, having long since lost track of the field plays Poe was drawing in gold sparks in the air between them for the team to try this year.

“… and then Unamo would dive in from the left to distract…”

A family. Ha. What would Ben know of a happy, functional family? His general dislike of people coupled with his unattainable crush on a certain Potions Professor kept him resolutely closed off to anything that could even be associated with romance or dating. What he thought he was waiting for – who he was waiting for – he didn’t know. The impossible? Someone who could eclipse Professor Hux from the pedestal Ben had placed him on, the second Ben had clapped eyes on him during his sorting as a first year?

While the Sorting Hat had exclaimed over his lineage and dithered over where to put him ( _“Skywalker! I wondered when I’d have one of you again! But Solo too, oh ho ho! Which will it be, boy? Gryffindor like your mother? Slytherin like your father? Hufflepuff like your Uncle? There’s a unique intelligence there too… your grandmother was a Ravenclaw, you know…"_ ) Ben had peered anxiously about the room, too scared to respond.

Everyone had been watching him, muttering from behind hands with narrowed eyes. He had known what they were saying, didn’t need to hear it to confirm; that he was Minister Organa’s son, that his father had abandoned them years back in favour of his legendary black-market pursuits, which were so varied that he’d even been rumoured to have spent time in Azkaban. Nervous, Ben had searched for Uncle Luke at the High Table. Some of the overwhelming terror flooding through him had lessened when he caught his Uncle’s eye. Luke had smiled at him, stoic and calm, and Ben had finally been able to take a breath.

( _“I want to go where I belong,” Ben had asked the hat. “Please. Nothing to do with my ancestry and my bloodline. Just please put me where it’s right for me to be.”_

 _"SLYTHERIN!”_ )

The terrifyingly tall Professor Phasma had plucked the hat off Ben's head and shooed him on his way, and he’d stood on shaking legs. The room at large had applauded, and as he’d started walking towards the table where his new housemates were waiting to welcome him.

Luke had beamed at Ben as he'd passed under the table, not a shred of disappointment on his face. Ben smiled back before his eyes slid to man next to his uncle. The man was pale, with a shock of ginger hair, and light coloured eyes. He was watching Ben with a curious look on his face, but when Ben met his gaze he smiled down at him, just once and quick, but so genuinely that it almost took the breath from Ben’s lungs.

Then Ben was having his hand shook by his house Prefects and was unceremoniously hauled down into a seat by the kid who’d turn out to be his only friend. When he’d glanced up at the table again the man’s cold pale eyes were fixed on Professor Phasma once more, his expression back to bored disinterest as the next student was named a Hufflepuff.

It hadn’t taken Ben long to learn who he was – Professor Hux, Potions master and head of Slytherin house – though it had taken until puberty for his idolisation of the man to turn into a pathetic crush that only grew stronger and more intense as Ben got older. Hanging off every word from Hux's mouth and living for every glance sent Ben's way morphed over time into dreams that had him waking twisted in his sheets and blushing furiously if Hux so much as breathed in his general direction. Nowadays, Ben lived in torment, every comment Hux threw his way over-analysed, every look clung to like a lifeline, always presided over by the knowledge that Hux probably barely even noticed anything about Ben that wasn’t directly related to his Potions grades, how well he played for the Slytherin Quidditch team and how many points he won or lost their House.

Ben still didn’t understand it himself, try as he might. He couldn’t explain it to Poe in a way that made any sense either. He’d tried, when they’d shared a bottle of firewhiskey from Leia’s very well-stocked bar over summer. They’d hidden in one of the barely used dining rooms and drunk the whole bottle, sitting at opposite ends of the long table from each other and giggling over nothing. Ben had tried to put it into words but had only managed to wax lyrical about Hux’s hair and general assholeishness. (And then he’d thrown up on Leia’s cream rug, which Poe had tried to help clean but only ended up lighting on fire.)

A crush on a teacher, generally speaking, was an all-round stupid idea. As Poe had pointed out, once they’d thrown a jug of water over the ruined rug and stopped laughing, there were far more suitable or understandable candidates for Ben’s misguided affections.  
Professor Andor was so attractive it almost hurt to look at him for too long; Professor Kenobi had a sort of magnetic charm; even Professor Phasma, who was a complete badass, made more sense than Professor Hux. (Phasma had once wrestled an acromantula into submission with her bare hands when it had dared to stray out of the Forbidden Forest, for crying out loud.) Because Hux wasn’t nice. He wasn’t kind. He wasn’t conventionally attractive. He had no sense of humour. But that one smile after his sorting had done more to Ben than anything ever had, or it seemed ever would.

So, the torch he carried smouldered on, despite Hux’s cold demeanour, his damn vicious tongue, his occasional downright cruelty, his prissy insistence on order and perfection. Those things, weirdly, didn’t turn Ben off him (Poe told him sagely that this was because Ben was twenty different kinds of fucked up. He probably wasn’t wrong.)

Ben held on to the moments between him and Hux that made his stomach drop and his heart race and his palms sweat. Hux would praise a particularly nuanced line in an essay that Ben had slaved over, or Ben would spot him cheering during one of his Quidditch matches, his expression tight with nerves. Once he’d caught sight of Hux returning from Hogsmeade with Phasma, the winter air making his cheeks pink, snowflakes melting in his hair. The Professors had been laughing together with such genuine enjoyment that Ben had frozen on his way up to the Library just to gawk. Hux had seen him staring but had been laughing too hard to stop, had sealed a hand over his mouth to try and shut himself up as he and Phasma had stumbled off. It had been such a pure moment of unguarded joy that Ben hadn’t wanted it to stop.

Yeah, he had it bad.

When he finally paid Poe mind once more, his friend was still talking Quidditch, though he’d moved on from plays to trying to decide which professional team to start eyeing up.  
Ben interrupted his comparison of the Appleby Arrows to the Tutshill Tornados, “You’ll stay in Britain then?”

Poe shrugged with his usual easy confidence, “Probably. I’m used to it here now. Don’t get me wrong, if the Fitchburg Finches send scouts…”

Ben smiled absently, eyes flicking out the window. They were in the Highlands now, speeding through valleys, trundling past lochs and rumbling below mountains. Hogwarts wasn’t far.

“You’re still taking Ancient Runes, right?” Poe yawned, plucking BB off Ben’s lap and tucking him back into his cage.

“Yeah, why?”

Poe made a noise of acknowledgement, “Oh good, I hate that class. I need you to drag my ass through it with a passing grade, please and thank you.”

Ben rolled his eyes, “Why are you taking it then? Oh, let me guess – cos Finn takes it? And you’re keeping up with Arithmancy even though you’re shit at that too, because Finn, huh?”

Poe pointed a finger at him, but his stream of swearing was cut off by the train jolting to a stop at Hogsmeade.

They raced each other off the train and into the first carriage they spotted, and shoved each back and forth on the seats as the carriage jostled them all the way up to the castle. They were still tussling as they stumbled into the Great Hall, where Poe resorted to trying to cuff Ben around the ears when he laughed at him for tripping over on the stairs just because Finn smiled at him.

Ben ducked ahead of Poe into the Hall, allowing others to get between them so that Poe couldn’t launch himself onto his back again, as he was probably planning to do.  
As he hurried to the relative safety of the Slytherin table he glanced up at the High Table and felt his lungs, his whole damn being, expand with elation. There was Professor Hux, as imposing as ever even when seated, his pale green robes a perfect match for his eyes.

A few seats along from Hux, Uncle Luke raised a hand to Ben. Even though he’d occupied his usual suite of rooms in Leia’s home while Hogwarts had closed over summer and had thus spent plenty of time with his nephew, Ben trotted up to the table to see him anyway. He’d dropped Luke's class, Defence against the Dark Arts, after fifth year and still felt guilty about it.

He shot a quick glance at Hux as he passed, who didn’t look at him, though Professor Windu and Professor Ackbar, who sat between Hux and Luke, both offered Ben smiles of greeting.

“Benjamin!”

“Hello, Uncle.”

“Professor Skywalker is his title to you on these grounds, Mr. Solo,” Hux snapped and by Merlin, Ben had even missed his voice, the haughty sweep to his words, the mouth speaking them.

“Sorry, Sir.”

Uncle Luke just laughed, but Hux’s icy eyes stayed fixed on Ben’s face and he knew he was blushing.

“I’ve been his Uncle far longer than I’ve been his Professor, Armitage,” Uncle Luke waved Ben back to the Slytherin table. Headmaster Yoda watched them with a benign smile, and most of the other students were settled into their seats.

“The boy lacks discipline,” he heard Professor Hux say, before he’d even made it a few paces. “You should not indulge him.”

“He’s my nephew, Armitage,” Luke’s tone became clipped. “Between a father that took to the hills the moment the demands of a family got too much, and a mother who is highly preoccupied with, oh I don’t know, _being the Minister for Magic_ , it’s important to me that my nephew knows someone is putting him first.”

“While all that is perfectly admirable,” Hux sniffed, and Ben strained his ears to keep listening as he took the seat Poe had saved him. “It cannot take away from the fact that Benjamin would benefit from a more rigid structure to his life and a firmer response to his behaviour.”

“Mr. Solo is a perfectly gifted young student,” Professor Windu spoke up for him.

“Certainly, his skills and grades far surpass many in his year, but I believe his knowing he’ll always have his uncle on hand to clean up his messes is limiting him.”

“Well, you’re his head of house,” Uncle Luke said pointedly, “and don’t you dare accuse me of favouritism.”

“Luke, I never said- “

Hux was cut off by the arrival of Professor Phasma, who came sweeping into the Hall trailing a herd of scared looking kiddies, carrying the Sorting Hat under one arm and the stool under the other.

Ben kept his eyes resolutely away from Hux all through the sorting and for the rest of the welcoming feast, but Professor Jinn, the Care of Magical Creatures Professor, called him over as he stood to follow Poe at the end of the evening.

“Ben!”

So, Ben traipsed up to the High Table yet again, still forcing himself not to look for Hux.

“Professor, Hi.”

“Good summer?” Jinn asked before carrying on without waiting to hear the answer. “Can I impose on you to check on the Fathiers before you go to your dorm? There’s a juvenile with a limp she won’t let me look at, and they need to move paddocks. I’ve got to go settle in a new pack of Vulptex that I’m showing the sixth years, I’ve already been away from them too long.”

“Sure, can I bring Poe?”

“If you like, but make sure Mr Dameron keeps a distance. He’s too noisy for them.”

“That’s one word for him,” Ben muttered, catching Poe’s eye and waving him over, then startling when Hux was suddenly standing next to him, scowling up at Jinn.

“Did I hear correctly, Professor Jinn? You’re sending a student alone to check the herd, which includes an injured animal?”

Jinn shrugged. “Ben’s a natural with them, she’ll let him see to her. They just need to be let through to the next paddock to graze. And Poe knows not too get too excited that he scares them. I introduce my students to Fathiers at third year, Armitage, they’re not dangerous. The boys will be fine.”

Hux pursed his lips, apparently still feeling the need to question the idea.

“I dislike the thought of my students running amok on the grounds at night, especially you,” he scowled at Poe who was now leaning against Ben and trying to look a picture of innocence. “I’ll accompany them.”

Which is how twenty minutes later Ben was standing in a field surrounded by Fathiers, being sniffed over by the leader of the herd and in possession of the knowledge that Hux’s hair shone silver in moonlight and his skin seemed to glow in the night air.

“Mr. Dameron, do not even think about it.”

Ben glanced over his shoulder as he walked with the herd leader to the gate to see Poe guiltily lowering himself back down to sit on the fence, trying and failing to look like he hadn’t been about to hop down into the paddock.

Ben shook his head at him as he opened the gate, and the herd trotted through, though three of them lingered to try and nudge him into patting them. He rubbed a few ears and patted flanks absently to encourage them into the field, then swung the gate shut to isolate off the injured female who’d been too slow to follow.

She snorted nervously at Ben as he approached her slowly; it was then that he recognised her markings.

“Mr. Solo do be careful,” Hux was watching from the fence line, his brow creased.

“It’s fine,” Ben called back, thrilling a little at the concern in Hux’s eyes. “I helped Professor Jinn with the mother when this one was born. Didn’t I, sweetheart? You know me, don’t you? You know I won’t hurt you.”

True to his words she sank down to lie on her side when he reached her, and he knelt to look at her hoof. The skin was swollen, and the wound was scabbing over yellow.

He leaned a little closer, noting what looked like incisor marks. She snorted at him again.  
“I know, I know,” he murmured gently.

“Can you see what’s wrong?” Hux’s voice sounded closer, and when Ben looked up he saw him lingering not too far away, keeping behind the Fathier’s back so he would not frighten her.

“Bite marks.”

“Infected?”

Ben shook his head as he reached up to stroke one of her ears, “I can’t tell. Doesn’t look fun for her though.”

“Keep her in this paddock. Mr. Dameron, will you please go and tell Professor Jinn what Mr. Solo has discovered? It could have been any number of other creatures infiltrating the herd; a Crup, or a Gnarl, perhaps.”

Poe trotted off as Hux drew his wand and waved it wordlessly; a few moments later a bottle zoomed into his hand. He threw it to Ben.

“Put this on the wound. It will help.”

Ben hesitated, and Hux frowned.

“I’ve prepared ointments and such for Professor Jinn’s creatures since I started my job here after I graduated almost a decade ago, Mr. Solo. I assure you I would not prescribe anything that could harm the animal. The salve will stave off infection and numb the pain to allow Professor Jinn to properly treat it.”

Ben blushed as he did as he was told. The Fathier kicked out weakly in protest but as soon as he was done, she seemed happy to get to her feet, and moved away to graze on a patch of clover.

“I wasn't questioning you,” Ben mumbled to Hux as they started back across the grounds to the castle. “I just- “

“Your caution is perfectly understandable,” was the imperious response before they lapsed into silence.  
Hux seemed to be eyeing Ben’s hair when Poe caught up with them, apparently not having used up enough of his adrenaline because he leapt at Ben’s arm and swung off it like a monkey before Ben could shake him free.

“Jinn says that’s fine; he’s going to her now, and thanks,” Poe reported, already looking around for some sort of mischief to get away with.

Hux saw them all the way to their dorm, stalking along ahead of them, insisting it was because he didn’t trust Poe not to sneak off to who-knows where.  
As the wall dissolved to reveal the Slytherin Common Room, Hux finally bid them good evening, turning away before Ben could even respond, footsteps echoing away down the hall. Left with no choice, Ben trailed Poe to their room, nodding quietly in agreement at how completely unfair it was that Hux had kept such a close eye on his friend.


	2. October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas, this fic would be a mess without you <3

Settling back into his usual routine at Hogwarts was welcoming to Ben.

From being smacked awake by a pillow in the face thanks to Poe most mornings, to throwing his own at his friend to make him shut up and stop talking at night, Ben’s days were spent trying to keep Poe from causing too much chaos in classes and failing entirely to keep him under any sort of control during meals. This was coupled with keeping on top of his own NEWT level studies, homework and Quidditch practice. Any free time, not that he had a lot, was usually spent helping Professor Jinn with the animals, visiting his Uncle to get nagged at over cups of tea, or sprinting after Poe to drag him back when he tried to sneak off to the Forbidden Forest, which was alarmingly often.

So, Ben had quite enough on his plate to distract him from both the terror of having to contemplate his future after Hogwarts, and his ever-persistent crush on Professor Hux.

Oh, he still gazed helplessly at the man during meal times in the Great Hall, often forgetting to finish chewing mouthfuls of food in favour of sneaking surreptitious glances; he stared at Hux all through class too, and if he passed him in the corridor, on the stairs, or somewhere out in the grounds. He wasn’t bloody blind. There was something about Hux that seemed to shatter Ben into little pieces every time their eyes met, all his walls and defences broken in half in a heartbeat, and he could never bring himself to look away.

Overall, though, Ben thought he did relatively well at keeping his crush a secret; he made only one slip up during their first month back at school, and Hux brought it all on himself, really, so it wasn't even Ben's fault.

Hux had a habit of arriving to the class the seventh year Slytherins had with the Hufflepuffs clutching a mug of coffee and looking dementedly tired. But he always seemed to forget about his drink after he took the first sip. He’d make it back to his desk after stalking amongst the tables, having criticised their efforts at concocting whatever they were brewing with something akin to gleefulness, pick the mug up to take a gulp and pull a face once he discovered it had long since lost its warmth. As much as Ben enjoyed swooning over Hux's incredulous expression, as if the coffee had personally insulted him by daring to go cold, he took to casting a non-verbal heating charm on the mug and keeping it active for as long as it took for Hux to finally finish the whole thing. He didn’t think that Hux suspected him, up until he paused by Ben’s table to eye him suspiciously one day, just as Ben tucked his wand away after casting the charm.

Hux had taken a very small, wary sip from his mug when he got back to his desk, eyes on Ben’s face, and Ben hadn’t been able to hide his blush because he was fucking weak. Thankfully, Poe’s potion turned to a revolting orange in the space of about five seconds and started gushing smoke (Ben wasn’t sure his friend didn’t jeopardise it on purpose as a distraction; Poe was Hufflepuff level loyal). The coffee had been forgotten in the face of the disgusting fumes, and Hux had never given indication since then that he’d noticed the warmth charm.

Ben made a habit of keeping his head down and getting on with it all after that near-discovery, not wanting to risk exposing himself again. He was smart enough to juggle babysitting his best friend with his own studies. However, that didn’t mean he couldn’t get into trouble all on his own, without any of Poe’s undue influence.

After a Care of Magical Creatures lesson around the beginning of October, Professor Jinn kept Ben back to help him wrangle the Kelpie he’d been training them to resist back into the lake (Poe had been chased away early on in the process, but hadn’t taken too much convincing to head back to the castle since it was Potions next and that meant Finn). Professor Jinn had scribbled Ben a note when he voiced his concerns at being late to class, then wandered off in search of the Porgs they’d seen eyeing the water’s edge.

Hux, it transpired, didn’t give a crap about the note.

“Ten points from Slytherin for tardiness, Mr. Solo,” Hux snapped when Ben slipped into the class five minutes late, as all heads turned to stare.

“I’m sorry I’m late, Sir, I was helping…” but the note from Jinn was banished from Ben's hand before he could even properly hold it out.

“And detention this evening for making up excuses.”

“But Professor, I- “

“Take your seat, Mr. Solo!” Hux turned his back on him, waved aside his attempt at explaining. “You are already behind the rest of the class; I suggest you stop wasting even more of your time.”

Fuming at the injustice, Ben refused to move, “That note was from Professor Jinn, Sir, explaining - “

“Explaining what? That he thought it more productive for you to be gallivanting about with the unicorns or Merlin knows what, instead of being on time for your next lesson? I am uninterested in hearing anything more about it! Now take your seat before you lose Slytherin house even more points!”

Ben focused on controlling his shaking and keeping his breathing even, as he fell into his seat next to Poe, who leaned over and squeezed his arm to whisper to him.

“Hold it together, buddy.”

“Focus on your own work, Mr. Dameron,” Hux spat as he strode down the tables to loom over Ben, apparently not done after all. Poe glared right back at him, but Ben patted his hand to make him let go. It wouldn’t do for Poe to have to suffer through detention, too, not with Slytherin’s first Quidditch match of the year coming up.

Still trembling with anger, Ben refused to meet Hux’s eye as he set up his cauldron and lit the fire.

Hux breathed down his neck a while longer before stomping away, back as ramrod straight as ever. The rest of the class passed in silent misery; Finn shot Ben a look of sympathy as they packed up, which had Poe gushing in his ear all the rest of the day about how wonderfully understanding and amazing and hot the object of his affection was.

Ben was on edge that evening before he even left for his detention; and why wouldn’t he be? He'd never had a detention with Hux before, but the unfairness of why still had his blood boiling; when this was coupled with the fact that the situation was every damn fantasy he’d ever had come to life, Ben was a nervous wreck. Alone with Hux in his classroom was the precursor for every R-rated daydream Ben had ever indulged in.

Poe waved Ben goodbye with a grin that was not comforting.

Ben had to take more than one long breath to steel himself before he slipped into the Potions classroom. It was a good thing he did, because his throat constricted when he saw Hux waiting, leaning against his desk at the front of the room with his usual murderous expression. He wasn’t wearing his normal robes; but was instead dressed in soft charcoal grey trousers, a matching waistcoat, and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

Ben may or may not have emitted a tiny whine, which he covered by shutting the door a little too hard.

“Good evening, Mr. Solo. It’s so lovely to see you can be on time after all.”

Ben resisted the bait, just made his way to his usual seat and got himself set up. When he finally looked up Hux was watching him with something that esembled a half-scowl on his face. Then he flicked his wand at the blackboard and the ingredients list and method for something Ben had never seen before appeared in white chalk.

“I take it you can follow the simple instructions required to brew this. It should take you an hour and a half. Begin.”

“What is it for?” Ben asked as he headed to the ingredients store, squinting at the quantities on the board and trying to distinguish the bottle of valerian root from the mandrake.

“It’s an antidote for Murtlap bites. That’s what got your Fathier. No, not that one,” Hux interjected, reaching out as if to physically stop him when Ben had started to walk away with the wrong bottle.

“A Murtlap?” Ben echoed as he juggled his armload of jars and vials on the way back to his seat. “But they’re aquatic, the Fathier herd are kept nowhere near the lake.”

“I am perfectly aware of that, Mr. Solo. I haven’t the faintest idea _how_ the creature came to be bitten, only now that I know the cause I am able to provide an antidote which will properly heal her. Therefore, if you wouldn’t mind concentrating…”

“Right, right,” Ben mumbled, blushing and hunching over his cauldron again.

He expected the detention to pass in relative silence and it mostly did; the potion was a simple combination of ingredients, but the timings were complex, and Ben silently mourned not being able to spare the concentration to drool over seeing Hux in normal clothes.

Hux, for his part, spent most of the period at his desk grading papers, if the quiet huffs of derision and occasional snarls of “ _idiot_ ” that reached Ben’s ears were anything to go by.

So, when Hux suddenly burst out with, “Why were you late to my class today, Mr. Solo?” which he accompanied with a narrow-eyed look of deep mistrust, Ben jumped a little on his stool.

“As the note from Professor Jinn that you got rid of explained…” Ben couldn’t help but snap back, nerves frayed enough without Hux’s tone making things worse. “I was helping with the Kelpie in the lake.”

“He’ll verify that, then, will he? When I ask him?” Hux demanded.

“Yes! What else did you think I was doing?!” Ben spat back, throwing up his hands in defeat.

“How should I know what you ridiculous teenagers get up to? At least I know you weren’t mooning after Miss. Palpatine, since Mr. Dameron already has that covered.”

“Rey?” Ben asked, thrown, before he laughed. “No! Finn, not Rey!”

He caught himself and looked up at Hux with wide eyes and received a withering stare in response.

“What ruddy Qui-Gon’s preoccupation is with having a ruddy student to do his ruddy job for him all the ruddy time is beyond me,” Hux grumbled to himself as he went back to his grading.

Ben blinked at him, surprised by his fixation on the matter.

“I swear, Sir, I was helping with the Kelpie…”

“Whatever. Just get back to work,” a dismissive hand was waved his way, though he was sure he could hear Hux continue to mutter about dangerous beasts and senile colleagues even over the bubbling of his cauldron.

“That’s probably what scared the Murtlap onto land, you know,” Hux loudly volunteered a little later. “Keeping a Kelpie in the lake… ridiculous idea, the man’s gone barmy…”

Ben stared at him, but Hux didn’t look up, so he settled back into the rhythm of stirring the potion, letting his eyes flick up to the blackboard every now and then to check his place in the method. But he couldn’t help but frown when he was halfway through, because the consistency was nowhere near what it was supposed to be. Frantic, he chewed his bottom lip as he reread the instructions on the board, trying to figure out what he’d done wrong and why the potion was so thin.

Hux eyed him, quill seemingly forgotten in his hand.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know… I was being really careful!”

“Yes, yes, you’re the picture of precision,” Hux sniffed as he stood up and strode toward him (Ben may have gulped). When Hux reached him and leant down over his shoulder, he frowned down into the cauldron.

“That’s the wrong consistency.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Where did you go wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Ben gritted out, livid with himself and with Hux. If his Professor hadn’t been sat there looking like every wet dream Ben’s ever had in corporal form, barking at him every five seconds… how comfortable would the desk be?

He tried not to let himself openly tremble with the sudden, overwhelming urge to press himself back, the desire to feel even more of the body heat that was radiating off the Professor. He could almost imagine it; one of Hux's hands would come up to brace him and the other…

Ben let out a yelp of pain when he dropped his glass stirring spoon, fingers slackening as his longing had started to build, causing it to shatter all over the tabletop. A shard sliced through the back of his hand.

“Benjamin!”

Hux grabbed him, one hand grasping his wrist to hold him still. Not that he needed to; Ben completely froze as Hux’s hand encircled him, his cool fingers on Ben'd skin surely feeling his frantic pulse. It was only a shallow scratch, in the end, which Hux healed quickly with a wand flick.

Ben barely noticed, too caught up with the desperate hope that his severely tight trousers were properly hidden by the table.

“Pay attention to what you’re doing!” was spat in his ear, so close and angry that Ben shuddered and maybe whimpered. Just a little.

“I…”

Hux released him, “Oh, forget it. Go. Enough. This antidote is beyond saving. What a waste of time! Now the animal has to wait even longer!!”

Ben packed up his things with trembling fingers, feeling his blood pumping sluggishly all through him, as if it was as thick as tar. He staggered out the door with no recollection of even standing from his stool and didn’t dare look back as he did so. He made it about halfway down the corridor before he found an empty, dark room to barge into. Once inside he threw the door shut in his haste to undo his robes enough to pull down the fly of his trousers.

Ben all but fell onto a chair, any shred of control lost, groaning when he wrapped a hand around himself at last, finally able to ease the ache that had been building steadily all day. He let out a sigh of relief that seemed to linger and echo around him as he sank back into the seat, licking his palm so he could stroke himself without inhibition. His previously lethargic blood was racing now, adrenaline spiking through him like icicles in his veins the faster he went.

He didn’t pause to think how very bad of an idea it was, how downright foolish. He’d been dealing with this need simmering under his skin since Hux had first snapped at him this morning, and now all he could think about were the man's bare forearms, how tightly his fingers had wrapped around Ben's wrist, how that hand would feel wrapped around his…

He was close, so close already, hand moving swiftly over his rigid length; he shifted in the seat to tilt his hips up to meet his fist with a whine, and then he was letting go, body going taut in release, Hux’s name dying on his lips at the end of a long moan.

Which was precisely when the door was wrenched open and Hux stood staring down at him from the doorway.

“Mr. Solo,” the cold whisper cut through him even as he came over his fist, whimpering. Hux was looking at him, eyes roaming over him as sat debauched and still shuddering, with a sort of incredulity… and all Ben could do was stare back at him, his mouth hanging open in shock.

“Have you lost your mind?”

“I… I…”

“Get back to your dorm this instant! Get out of my sight! You are in detention for a month! No Quidditch and no more bloody larking about with bloody animals!”

Each hissed word was a stone in Ben's stomach and the slamming of the door in Hux's wake reverberated in his ears for the long minutes it seemed to take to clean himself up and stumble from the room. He sprinted all the way back to the common room when he finally had enough faculty to use his legs, hauling Poe away from his gobstones match against Mitaka by the collar of his robes.

Poe, to his credit, contained his laughter as Ben relayed to him what happened in the safety of their otherwise empty room; thankfully they were the only seventh year Slytherin boys and BB wasn't one to judge.

“This is the worst!” Ben pitched himself back onto his bed, hands over his face. “Poe do something!”

“Sounds like you did enough…” Poe finally gave in to his need to laugh, and his raucous giggling drowned out Ben’s groan.

“Whose side are you on?!”

“Not yours,” was the gleeful howl in response.

“Poe!” Ben grumbled, taking his hands away from his face. “Poe, he said no Quidditch.”

The giggling was cut short with impressive ease.

“He what? No! No, he can’t do that, we’re playing the Gryffindors in two weeks. You gotta go get him to change his mind, man!”

“I can’t face him again!” Ben all but shrieked. “I can’t _look_ him in the _eye_!”

Poe chewed a fingernail as he thought.

“Gotta get your Uncle on it, man. He’ll do something, you don’t need to tell him the details… You didn’t do anything wrong! Not really! Just tell him Hux is being unfair and he’ll, I dunno, duel him to reduce your punishment! Luke loves duels!”

Cold horror swept through Ben, “Oh, Merlin, what if Hux tells him? What if Hux tells _Yoda_ … I’m gonna be expelled. I’m going to be expelled, that’s it, that’s all there is to it.”

Poe scrubbed at his hair, looking wild-eyed and agitated at the prospect, and Ben really loved him a whole lot in that moment, was always blindsided at just how much Poe cared about him too.

“We’ll do something, we’ll think of something! It’s not bloody illegal to masturbate!”

“It probably is though, when it’s in a FUCKING PUBLIC PLACE!! What if they tell my _mother_?”

“Well it’s not your fault you’re so strung up on him,” Poe carried on, still stubbornly trying to absolve Ben of any guilt. “If anything, it’s his own fault!”

“I can’t go to Luke,” Ben mumbled, defeated, thumping his head against his mattress. “I just gotta cross my fingers and hope Hux is satisfied with my month of detention.”

The next morning found Ben huddled under Poe’s protective arm at the Slytherin table, too nauseous from nerves to eat, even though Poe kept trying to engage him in conversation and then shove toast in his mouth whenever he opened it to respond.

There was no Hux at the High Table, thankfully, but Uncle Luke, Professor Kenobi and Professor Jinn were watching Ben, heads inclined together as they whispered back and forth, no doubt suspicious at his strange mood. They didn’t know yet though; if Uncle Luke knew, Ben would have been raked over the coals the second he woke up this morning.

His Uncle tried to waylay him when he and Poe left the Hall, but Poe trotted them away through the crowd, both pretending not to hear him calling after them.

They had Herbology first with the Gryffindors. Rey and her friend Paige Tico joined them at their table, not that Ben paid anyone or anything the slightest bit of attention. Poe got him through the class, scribbling notes twice, one set for Ben, one for himself, and quickly potted Ben’s box of leaping toadstools for him when Professor Andor had his back turned. Rey watched Ben with a quizzical eye, but he ignored her. Potions was next. He wondered idly if he’d ever see Rey again, since he was inevitably about to head to his own funeral.

Poe held his hand all the way to the room, hidden in the sleeve of Ben’s robes. He’d never been more grateful for physical contact in his life. He didn’t know what to expect. The story didn’t seem to have spread yet; there were no stares beyond the usual, no giggling behind hands or crude renditions of jerking off as Ben passed.

( _Had he really done that? Had he actually done it, last night in that random empty classroom? What was wrong with him? What in the name of the Force was wrong with him?)_

Ben also hadn’t been summoned to Yoda’s office, nor his Uncle’s. Not yet at least. So that was something?

Hux took until the last second to slide into the room and begin the lesson, but when he did Ben’s breath stuck in his throat.

Hux’s hair, usually slicked back within an inch of its life, was completely without product; it settled softly about his ears. He was rubbing at tired eyes and his face was ice white; he looked as though he’d barely slept, and the grey two piece and shirt he wore were the same as the previous night’s.

“Holy crap he's wrecked! He was probably up all night jerking off after catching you!” Poe crowed quietly in Ben’s ear. Ben shook his head and dropped his eyes to the table, fighting the urge to shove his friend clean off his stool.

“OK, no. Not helping,” Ben hissed back instead, before flinching when Hux spoke.

His voice was a rough rasp as he addressed the room without looking at any of them, “Page 283 in your textbooks. Read the chapter. No practical today. If you finish, read it again. Keep re-reading until it’s sunk into your stupid brains.”

“Listen to that! He was probably up all night screaming his head off, because he was jerking off - “

“Shut up!” Ben cut Poe short, glancing around warily.

Hux was already disappearing back out into his office in the next room, and Ben watched him go, his heart sinking.

His classmates all exchanged confused glances, but eventually books were dug from bags and studying began. Poe fell asleep without even cracking his open. Ben just concentrated on trying not to have a mental breakdown.

This was… this was not what Ben had expected. Anger, shock, heck, to be humiliated before the entire school. But not this. He hadn’t expected Hux to… to do whatever the fuck it was he was doing, to react in such an unusal way.

Hux didn’t return, and by the time they were packing up their bags at the end of class and slinking out the door, Ben couldn’t hide his shaking. Poe was elated by the thought that they’d dodged a bullet, but all the hour had done for Ben was drive home what he had not wanted to admit.

“I gotta face this,” he told Poe, dragging at his arm to make him slow down once they were alone in the quiet stone corridor. “I have to talk to him. I can’t cope with this another minute.”

“No! Ben! What? No!”

“I have to. I can’t just… I can’t… I…”

“It was nice knowing you,” Poe told him gravely. “I love you.”

It worked; Ben couldn’t help but smile even though all he wanted to do was vomit. He squared his shoulders and walked back down the corridor, both wincing and laughing as Poe bawled after him.

“YOU’RE THE BEST BEATER IN THE WORLD! YOU WRITE ANCIENT RUNES WITH THE GRACE OF A GREEK GOD! YOU CAN TAME THE MOST CRAZED AND BLOODTHIRSTY BEAST WITH A SINGLE TOUCH OF YOUR FAIR HAND! YOUR HAIR LOOKS PARTICULARLY MAJESTIC IN THIS LIGHT! YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND! I’LL NEVER FORGET YOU! YOUR MEMORY WILL LIVE ON IN MY CHILDREN, AND MY CHILDREN’S CHILDREN, AND MY CHILDREN’S CHILDREN’S CHILDREN, AND MY CHILD-”

Hux’s classroom door flew open before Ben was ready for it, and he flinched when the man came barrelling out.

“Mr. Dameron are you trying to get yourself expelled?! Stop your ridiculous carrying on this instant!“

He stopped short with an “oh” when he almost ran into Ben, before drawing himself up and trying to work his face into an expression of indifference.

A squeak and the scuffing of Poe’s shoes as he bolted told Ben that his friend, at least, was going to make it to safety.

Not ashamed of the huge, audible breath he took to ready himself, Ben finally looked his Professor in the face.

Hux looked as messed up and fraught as Ben felt.

“I wanted to talk to you, Sir,” he forced himself to say anyway.

“I can’t imagine why.”

“I wanted to apologise.”

“You think an apology can possibly make up for… that… display?”

“No,” Ben whispered through numb lips, “but I wanted to say that I was sorry anyway. It was... I shouldn't have...”

“I see no point to this conversation,” Hux cut him off with his usual clipped tone. “Go to lunch with the rest of the student body, please.”

“You think I can eat?” Ben asked him in disbelief. “I keep waiting for Yoda to appear out of thin air and expel me!”

Hux looked confused for a moment before he dragged a hand through his soft-looking hair and shook his head, “I have no intention of telling the Headmaster. And I… rescind your detentions. I think it’s best if this is simply forgotten, and never mentioned again. It just... never happened.”

“OK?” Ben stared at him, not sure how or why he was getting off this easy. “Ah. Thank you? It won’t… I mean it definitely won’t happen again…”

“See that it doesn’t,” Hux finally looked him in the eye. “Even you must be able to maintain some modicum of self-control, Mr. Solo.”

Then he turned away and ducked back into his classroom, and Ben was left to puzzle over why the fuck he felt so disappointed.


	3. November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much love to my betas, they are absolute Godsends. I hope everyone is keeping safe (and indoors) during this stinking virus outbreak xoxo

It shouldn’t really have been a surprise to anyone when the Kelpie burst from the frigid, dark lake one Saturday in mid-November, and attempted to drown someone.

Ben just happened to be outside, and he certainly wasn’t happy about it at the time. He had been sitting on the cold grass of the lawn with Poe, who was in a self-imposed exile from all the things that brought him joy – like being _warm_ and _indoors_ (they’d lost the match against Gryffindor a few weeks back by ten points) – yet his friend still wanted to gawk at Finn. So, Ben had resigned himself to being damp through and miserable, because he genuinely hoped it would make Poe feel a bit better to sit on the sloping lawn and stare at Finn like a creep.

Finn was wandering in circles around the lake while arm-in-arm with Rey, their faces inclined together in conversation. But Poe’s low-key stalking wasn’t a lone occurrence either. Rose Tico, who like most of Hufflepuff house (and Poe), was enamoured with this year’s Head Boy, was trailing the duo. She kept trying to pretend she was looking at the water or for something along the shoreline whenever they noticed her. It was quite adorable, except it made Poe literally hiss every time he spotted her and grumble about competition.

Finn didn’t seem to be paying Ben and Poe any mind but if Ben had to receive one more eye roll from Rey as they made their circuits ( _what were they doing anyway?_ ), he might just have to throw Poe in the lake, so he could emerge soaking wet and walk to Finn like an Latin-American Mr Darcy in Slytherin robes. That might finally move things along on the Finnpoe front, and make Ben’s life marginally less difficult, to be selfish about the matter.

Ben really needed his life to be less difficult.

Hux was barely himself lately; he was _quiet_ , wasn’t telling anyone off for the tiniest infraction like usual, not even Poe, who did something he shouldn’t about once every ten minutes. Potions classes had grown stifled with tension, especially since Hux wouldn’t even _look_ at Ben, but if their gazes did happen to meet Hux would look franctically away; Professor Phasma loomed over Hux at mealtimes, whenever he actually made an appearance in the Hall, and whispered non-stop in his ear the whole time – threats that if he didn’t eat something she’d hex him right there in front of everyone, if Poe’s lipreading skills were worth their salt.

So, Ben had been gazing absently at the water, trying not to think about his Professor, when he noticed the ripples. By the time he was on his feet the Kelpie had surged through the surface of the lake. By the time he was sprinting along the bank it was on the shore, glittering and beautiful in the sunlight as it bowed to Rose Tico.

Ben didn’t think he’d ever moved so fast in his life, hadn’t even felt himself start moving. But he’d never had something so terrifying occur before his very eyes, either. He hoped he would never again have to watch an innocent kid stand face to face with almost-certain death, assuming he survived this; but he just had to get to Rose, because she had to survive this.

Luckily Ben bellowing her name at the top of his lungs as he barrelled towards her, his bag swinging madly off his shoulder, was a bizarre enough sight that Rose backed away from the monster before her. He could see the confusion all over her face; she didn’t know what the beast was. All water, the horse was magnificent in a terrifying way, and Rose had been reaching for it with an expression of awe. Ben still had no plan even as he charged towards them and skidded to halt on the mud in front of Rose, his boots slipping for purchase.

When he and Professor Jinn had handled this Kelpie after class a few weeks ago, Ben admittedly hadn’t done much, just closed in on it from one side to keep it from escaping along the shore. Jinn had taught them that a Kelpie could be tamed if it was bridled, though the Professor hadn’t bridled this one, just used his wand to drive it back into the lake and then set up wards around the shore.

Those wards had obviously been triggered now; teachers were pouring from the castle and sprinting down the lawn towards them, Phasma in the lead. Ben could see his Uncle over Phasma’s shoulder, his face stark white. Hux was amongst the throng too, waving his arms and shouting something as he neared them, but Phasma was closer still, looking as though she intended to tackle the Kelpie right back into the lake with her sheer strength.

From where Ben had left him, Finn and Rey were clinging on to Poe to keep him back. Ben was about to die, and his best friend’s fear-laced screams of his name was going to be the last thing he ever heard.

Because Ben didn’t have a bridle. And he didn’t have any more time. The Kelpie bowed to him. If it got no response it would kill them both anyway, and drag their bodies into the water.

“Run,” he told Rose, before he lunged forward, looped the strap of his satchel over the beast’s inclined head and vaulted onto its back even as it reared. The Kelpie emitted a scream that sounded like drowning as it began to buck.

Poe was still shouting for Ben as the creature spun and plunged into the lake. Ben just had time to take one last look at Hux’s face, weirdly relieved that he would be the last thing Ben ever saw, and sucked in a lungful of air before the icy water surrounded him, and the cold slaughtered his senses.

The Kelpie immediately dove deep, but Ben yanked on the satchel strap with all he had, hoping beyond reason to draw it back to the surface. He didn’t expect it to work; the cold water was terrifyingly black, and the blurred shapes that moved around him could have been anything from schools fish to the Giant Squid, for all Ben could discern. They seemed to be making no progress in one direction or the other; it was too cold to feel much motion of the water over his numb skin. He kept pulling on his makeshift reins, kept fighting the beast for control, even as he felt it roll and shift, trying to dislodge him; he yanked his wand from his robes even though he had no idea what he ought to do with it.

Just as he was starting to think all hope was lost, he realised light was beginning to illuminate the body of the Kelpie under him, and he could see his hands, white-knuckled as he grasped the satchel and his wand. They were moving up. Bright white overwhelmed him as the Kelpie shattered through the surface of the water without warning, and Ben clung on, coughing up water as the horse plunged and reared along the surface, still trying to free itself of him.

“That’s enough,” he croaked, trying to push some semblance of authority into his voice even as he sucked in air. “Stop! Take me back to the shore.”

Somehow, it listened. The rearing and snorting slowed and calmed the more he spoke, so he kept speaking, murmuring comfortingly to the creature, “I know, I know, humans are awful, and you should be free to drown as many as you like, it’s very unfair…”

By the time they were back on solid ground and he slid off its back and down into his Uncle’s arms, the Kelpie was completely docile. It stood next to Ben looking for all the world like a horse would, if it was made of water and had the tail of a mermaid. Luke let out a sob as he clutched Ben to him, and Ben clung on him just as hard in return.

“Brilliant, Ben! You’ve tamed her!” Professor Jinn beamed at him as he petted the horse’s mane, water trickling over his fingers, looking entirely unconcerned about the whole affair. The press of teachers around them all gaped at him in dismay.

Ben would have actually raised his voice to the man if he hadn’t been too tired. Hux beat him to it anyway, turning from where he had been awkwardly patting the sobbing Rose Tico’s shoulder to half-lunge at Professor Jinn, his face livid. Ben let himself sag against his Uncle as Hux started screaming about Jinn’s incompetency. Luke lowered Ben to sit on the ground and tried to rub warmth into his shoulders and back. Professor Kenobi did one better by directing a heating charm over him, and Professor Ackbar joined him. Ben was pretty sure Luke just wanted the physical contact to prove to himself his nephew was okay.

“ARE YOU ACTUALLY TRYING TO KILL STUDENTS, QUI-GON?” Hux howled, his hands curled into fists. “WAS THAT YOUR GOAL HERE? BECAUSE THAT’S JUST ABOUT WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED! TWO STUDENTS WERE ALMOST MURDERED BECAUSE OF YOUR INEPTITUDE! ISN’T IT BAD ENOUGH YOU’RE RUINING HIS STUDIES, NOW YOU’RE ACTUALLY TRYING TO CAUSE THE BOY’S DEATH?!“

“But Rose and Ben are fine,” Jinn looked completely calm and unruffled; he beamed down at Ben once more. “I knew he could do it! And making him a little late to one class is hardly wrecking his life. You want to relax, Armitage. Luke’s not freaking out, look!” (Luke’s forehead was currently pressed between Ben’s shoulder blades and he was shaking almost violently – Ben was pretty sure his uncle still had some recovering to do from transcending the bounds of fear).

Hux let out some sort of wordless scream of pure rage and had to be restrained and dragged back to the castle by Professor Phasma (who made it look quite easy and only needed one arm for it, too), with Professor Andor hurrying alongside them to go and alert the Headmaster, ducking Hux’s flailing arms as he tried to break free of Phasma's hold.

Professor Erso pulled Ben’s bag from the Kelpie’s neck and emptied the destroyed contents onto the ground. “Not much here that can be saved,” he told Ben apologetically, though his daughter, Professor Erso-Andor the Astronomy teacher, helped him try to start drying everything out.

“Lose anything important?” She smiled up at Ben as she asked, holding up the ruins of the parchment scroll he’d been drafting an essay on.

“Um, well that was supposed to be an Alchemy essay.”

“Papa will give you an extension,” Professor Erso-Andor told him decisively, before rounding on her father, who was trying to salvage Ben’s Potions textbook. “Papa, give Benjamin an extension.”

“Yes, of course,” Professor Erso’s eyes flicked to his daughter, gaze softening with amusement and affection at her bossing him around. Ben looked away, resolutely refusing to think of his own father, and settled himself back under his Uncle’s arm more firmly even though he wasn’t cold anymore.

Poe came scrambling on his hands and knees through the press of legs still looming over Ben, flung himself at him and kept remarkably quiet for once. Ben rubbed his back and didn’t say anything about the renewed moisture on his robes.

When he was dry and finally allowed to stand, his Uncle insisted he go to the Hospital Wing, in the voice that meant Ben really shouldn’t bother to argue. Ben made Rose come with him, putting an arm around her shoulders; she was still stunned speechless but hadn’t stopped crying.

“What are you going to do to the Kelpie?” he asked the Professors suspiciously before he departed, shepherding the shaken Rose and red-eyed Poe under one arm each. The teachers were clustered around the creature making noises of admiration, and Professor Jinn seemed to be giving an impromptu lesson on how to best pat her.

It was Professor Windu, who taught Ben Ancient Runes, that answered.

“Nothing. She’s tame. She won’t harm anyone, so there’s no reason she can’t stay in the lake. Well done, that was very quick thinking, what you did,” he gave Ben an actual smile.

“Thank you, Sir.”

Madame Kanata, when they arrived at the Hospital Wing, dosed Rose with a Calming Draught that knocked her out immediately. Because Ben point blank refused to stay overnight there, he was poked and prodded with extra force, until an unimpressed Madame Kanata grudgingly agreed that he was fine and prescribed him a hot bath and rest.

He and Poe were ambling back down to their Common Room as Ben recounted exactly what he’d done to try and rein in the Kelpie, when Uncle Luke caught up with them on the stairs.

“Headmaster Yoda is pleased, Ben. He demanded to ride her first,” Luke reported, as he handed Ben’s dry satchel back.

“What?”

Uncle Luke gestured to the stairwell window and Ben and Poe peered out. Sure enough, the Kelpie was skimming across the surface of the lake, the Headmaster perched on her back, while the rest of Professors stood clustered on the shore, applauding him and looking jealous.

When Poe finished wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, he clapped Ben on the shoulder.

“I’ll go down to the kitchens and bring some food back to the room for you.”

It was only 4pm, but Ben was shattered, so when Uncle Luke quietly suggested he write to tell his mother what had happened he couldn’t help his loud groan.

“Do I have to?!”

“Yes! She needs to know her son almost…”

“I’m _fine_.”

“Luckily. Write to your mother, or I will.”

“Oh, come on, Uncle Luke!”

“Professor Skywalker!” Hux appeared out of nowhere on the stairs above them, having apparently freed himself from Professor Phasma’s chokehold. “This student should be in the Hospital Wing.”

“ _My nephew_ has already been, and Maz has decided he is fine, but sent him to have a bath and to go to bed.”

“Then why is he standing about blocking the stairwell?” Hux’s footsteps were measured as he came down the last few stairs to loom above them, all traces of his earlier fury replaced with his usual cold facade. Merlin, he even _walked_ primly, which Ben hadn’t thought was possible.

“Because I’m taking a few moments to be an Uncle, if it’s all the same to you,” Luke snapped.

“He should –“

“I’m right here,” Ben interjected.

Hux wouldn’t look at him, though he inclined his head in his direction.

“You should do what the Madame Healer suggests.”

“I’m trying. _Professor Skywalker_ won’t let me,” Ben didn’t feel the slightest bit bad about landing Luke in it; his Uncle scowled.

“Write to your mother!” Luke insisted, before he turned and headed back down the stairs.

If Hux saw the rude gesture Ben made to his Uncle’s departing back, he kept surprisingly silent about it. After the silence stretched on between them entirely too long, Ben glanced over to find Hux watching him, an almost pained expression on his face.

“Are you sure you feel alright, Mr. Solo?”

“Yes, Sir. I’m fine.”

“You almost drowned.”

“Yeah. I know,” Ben didn’t want to dwell on the feel of the dark, cold water, the sensation of being pulled deeper and deeper away from oxygen and light. “I’m not saying I loved the experience and want to go again, but I’m okay.”

“Good,” the relief was palpable in Hux’s voice. “That’s good. Well, then. Make your way to bed. I need to see Headmaster Yoda.”

“He’s riding the Kelpie on the lake,” Ben supplied helpfully.

Hux actually rolled his eyes, “Of course he is. Of course, that’s what he’s doing.”

Ben hesitated as he trailed Hux down the stairs towards the entry hall.

“I know you’re angry with Professor Jinn, Sir, but…”

“He should be fired! You were almost killed. If one more person tells me I am supposed to just accept my students being half-drowned by a wild beast –“ Hux had spun to face him as he spoke, renewed anger contorting his features.

Ben stumbled a little to a stop; a few Gryffindor boys scurried past up the stairs, giving them a wide berth.

“I’m not arguing with that. Rose would have … if I hadn’t somehow managed to do what I did, or if no one else had been there, that kid would be dead. I’m livid. And I was really, really scared! But it wasn't Jinn's fault, I couldn't bear it if he got in trouble just because of me.”

“Do you not think you matter?” Hux’s brow had creased. “Do you not think your life is important enough to make you of value to anyone? Because it is! For the sake of… for the sake of your mother, and your uncle and Mr. Dameron, rethink your attitude. This isn’t me launching a personal attack on Professor Jinn; he is a well-respected member of this staff and I admire him immensely. Most of the time. But he committed an oversight that almost got two children killed, one of them a student from my house who is therefore under my care while on these grounds. This cannot simply be swept under the rug. I will not simply ignore a threat to your safety.”

Ben looked away, mindful of what else they’d buried between them recently.

“Get yourself back to the common room, Mr. Solo,” Hux insisted, turning away again. “Or I’ll reinstate the detentions you were so intent on landing yourself last month.”

By the time Ben’s vision had stopped swimming from the onslaught of certain memories that involved Hux framed in the doorway of an empty classroom, the man was gone. He trudged slowly back to his dorm room and changed into his pyjamas, forgoing the bath, but eating half a bowl of the chicken soup that Poe had so proudly procured him. He fell into a restless sleep almost immediately, but didn’t dream.

He was wide awake by 3am, staring at the emerald green canopy over his bed. After an hour of flopping around trying to get back to sleep, he resigned himself to writing to his mother. He knew Luke would if he didn’t, so he might as well get it over with.

He slumped down at his desk next to his bed and quickly scribbled a not-very-well-thought-out note in charcoal grey ink,

_Mum,_

_The good news is I tamed a Kelpie yesterday. The bad news is that it first tried to drown me. Don’t panic, I’m completely fine. I’ll tell you all about it when I’m home at Christmas._

_DO NOT launch an enquiry, there is nothing to worry about. Bug Luke if you want to nag._

_I love you,_

_Ben._

He dragged his feet up to the Owlery, hoping the trip would be enough to wear him out and help him get back to sleep when he was done. He wasn’t supposed to be skulking around at night, but if anyone caught him, he decided to say he was on his way to the Hospital Wing to get checked out by Maz again. He was idly thinking of the bath he’d take once he’d sent the letter, as he reached the Owlery door and slipped inside.

Someone was already there; a lantern on a table by one wall emitted a soft white glow, like starlight, and it illuminated Hux’s face when he turned in his seat to face Ben in surprise.

“Mr. Solo? What are you doing out of bed at this time of night?” Hux looked cross, as usual.

“I couldn’t sleep anymore. Thought I’d write my mum before Luke did. He’d dramatize the whole thing and she’d freak out and probably come after Jinn herself with her bare hands.”

Hux made a noise of acknowledgement, one hand moving to stroke the feathers of the beautiful male eagle owl perched on his shoulder.

Ben raised his own arm to one of the school’s barn owls, and she hopped down onto it, letting him take her to a perch. He shot a glance at Hux before he settled her and spotted him rubbing his forehead and looking wan in the dull lamplight.

“I should be giving you detention for being out of bed, but given the circumstances, just get yourself back to your room quickly without being spotted, if you don’t mind.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir,” Ben secured the letter to the owl’s leg and took her to the window.

“Have you not been to bed yet, Sir?” he asked, shooting him another glance; Hux was pale and bleary eyed.

“No. I find it hard to sleep lately.”

“To the Minister for Magic, at home in Hampstead,” Ben told the owl, and she hooted once before taking flight. He watched her until she disappeared into the night, then took a few hesitant steps in Hux’s direction; he was staring up at his owl, looking as though he was about to be sick.

“Sir, are you alright?”

“Alright? No. No, not even remotely. You just... you don’t know what you’ve done,” Hux sighed, his voice strained as if he was in agony. “You don’t know. It’s not your fault. I need to leave.”

With that Hux lurched to his feet and made for the door, forcing his owl flutter indignantly up into the rafters.

“What don’t I know?” Ben called after him, perplexed. “I don’t understand! Wait!”

He tried to follow but Hux stopped him at the door, one hand coming out as if to push him back, hovering in the air between them.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?!”

“You need to stop.”

“Stop what?! What are you talking about?! I haven’t done anything!”

Hux backed away out the door and onto the landing until he hit the wall opposite, rubbing at his temples, “Why did you do it? Why did you have to do it? If you hadn’t done it, none of this would have happened!”

“Why did I…? What, you wanted me to _let_ that Kelpie kill Rose?!”

“Why couldn’t you wait to get back to your room? Why did you have to say my name?” Hux’s lips barely moved as he whispered, eyes glittering in the moonlight. “If only you’d waited until you'd gotten back to your room...”

“Oh. Oh! Right, that…” Ben mumbled weakly, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. “I, ah… I couldn’t… help it, I guess?”

It sounded so lame to his own ears, but Hux was still staring at him like Ben was holding a wand to his throat, like he was terrified of him.

“You don’t understand what it did to me. What it still does to me. What you do to me. And now it’s like you’re haunting me, chasing me, hunting me. Everywhere I turn, I see you, every word I hear seems to be about you, your name on everyone’s lips. No matter what I do, how much I tell myself it wasn't real, or that you’re just a child, everything is all you. And it’s breaking me up, piece by piece, chipping away at everything I stand for as a Professor of this school. Because I _want_ …”

Finally, Ben cottoned on, his brain slowly combining Hux’s words with how messy and messed up his Professor had become the past few weeks; with the odd looks in class, like he was startled by Ben every time their eyes met; with how pale and withdrawn he’d gotten, and how he no longer seemed to eat or sleep; with the horror on his face as he’d sprinted to Ben across the lawn the previous afternoon, yelling… yelling…

He barely trusted his voice, but he spoke.

“I shouldn’t have done it. It was crazy. I wouldn’t have, if it hadn’t been you. One hour cooped up with you in that room, feeling like the only way to survive was to climb out of my own skin. I was out of my mind. Because it was you, and you’d been snapping at me and I was on edge anyway because it’s all I’d ever wanted, how fucked up is that? You and that room and your desk. It’s always you, always has been. Every night, every time. You heard me say your name. Tell me you know. Tell me you know how much I’ve been longing for you?”

Hux was shaking, staring at him with frantic eyes, his face stark white.

“Please,” Ben whispered, knowing he sounded as broken as Hux looked. “ _Please_.”

Hux let out a pained groan, seeming to sway as if he wanted to lean in to meet Ben, who was edging closer... Then he was wheeling away and disappearing down the spiral stairs before Ben could reach out to touch him in time.

Ben couldn’t make himself move until the first tentative rays of pink dawn spilled into the room. Then he dragged himself back to bed, feeling worse than he had when he was being drowned in the lake.

The Great Hall was abuzz at breakfast; Rose Tico seemed to think the best way to show her gratitude to Ben was to wait for him outside his Common Room and trail him to the Hall while talking a mile a minute.

Oh, and tell every living person in the whole damn place what had happened, it seemed.

To Ben’s horror, he was applauded when he’d entered the Hall. Rose bounced about beside him, beaming and clapping in glee. He tried to turn around and walk straight back out, but Poe latched onto his shoulders and marched him to their table, grinning maniacally. His housemates wanted all the details, as did half of Ravenclaw house, leaning over from their table next to them. Ben let Poe do the talking and concentrated on eating his eggs and gulping his coffee (and shooting looks at Hux’s usual seat at the High Table, which was empty this morning).

The chatter and stares still hadn’t stopped when Ben’s mother suddenly glided into the Hall, in the midst of about six security guards, her head high.

A long string of expletives burst from Ben’s mouth before he could stop himself. Leia’s head whipped in his direction and he buried his face in his hands, still swearing. She continued her path up the High Table to greet Yoda, ever mindful of what was courteous even though Ben could practically _hear_ her already planning how she would berate him as soon as she could.

Luke and Leia headed over to him together just as he finished his coffee, their expressions a mirror image. Ben groaned but stood to meet them and wordlessly lead them from the Hall so he could be scolded without the whole room looking on.

“Benjamin,” his mother folded him in her arms as soon as they were out on the lawn, away from prying ears.

“Mum, I told you not to freak out!”

“You could have been killed! What were you thinking?!”

“Oh, he wasn't,” Luke chipped in, and Ben shot him his best death glare.

Leia, to Ben’s surprise, only seemed interested in fussing over him and criticising his hair.

“I had to come; I was worried! And when are you going to sort out your hair, Ben, honestly,” She complained. Behind her, her three hovering aides began to shift from foot to foot and mutter to each other about the time.

Anger began to boil the blood in Ben's veins. He knew she cared and accepted she must have been concerned, but he was fine. And it wasn’t as if he could tell her what his real problem was anyway (“ _Oh hey mum, how are you? Look don’t worry about how I almost drowned, it was nothing. By the way I can’t stop thinking about how badly I need my Professor to fuck me over his desk. He wants it, I want it, but ethics and morals are proving to be real bitches right now, so fuck my life, right? Anyway, thanks for coming up, see you at Christmas!_ ”)

“I know it must have scared you,” he forced himself to paste a calm and understanding smile on his face. “And now you’ve seen I’m fine. I’m sure you’ve got lots else to do today.”

“I love you,” she told him sternly, taking his face in her hands.

“Yes mum. I love you too.”

He waved her off as she headed reluctantly down the drive to the apparition point, watching her until she was out of sight, her aides before her and security bringing up the rear. Luke ruffled his hair as he dragged Ben back into the castle, offering to cut it himself with his best shearing charm. Ben threw him off and fled to the relative safety of Poe, not trusting that Luke might not actually try it if Ben held still long enough.


	4. December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as ever to my amazing betas. This would be even bigger trash were it not for you.  
> Posting this so soon after the previous chapter in honour of my best friend and parabatai, cos today is his birthday (no this isn't his actual gift).  
> Listen to Waterways by Ludovico Einaudi, its an amazing song!  
> Enjoy!

Poe figured out the perfect way to boost Ben’s sour mood one afternoon, as December rolled through dark and cold: alcohol. Hux had disappeared without a trace three weeks prior, immediately after his and Ben’s encounter, and Ben had never felt so low in his life. Some details of what had happened in the Owlery had been kept private, ( _the open, vulnerable look on Hux’s face, the tremor to his voice, the way he’d almost leaned in when Ben had_ …) but he’d told Poe enough that his friend knew without a doubt the turmoil Ben was in.

“It’s so shit, man,” Ben complained to Poe as they sat side-by-side in the otherwise deserted Greenhouse Two late one Sunday, having spent the most of their day on the Quidditch pitch practicing with the rest of the team, and then with the Kelpie on the lake (she could run over ice as easily as she did water, and could carry them both on her back at once). They shared a bottle of Firewhiskey that Poe had stolen from groundskeeper Chewbacca’s cottage after his detention the previous day, taking far-too-large-swigs each in turn. “Hux pretty much completely admitted that he wants me … then he fled like a bitch and he’s been MIA ever since! He hates me now, like I can _feel_ his hatred.”

Poe nodded sagely before he took another drink, pulling a face as he swallowed. “Hate sex. But yeah, I mean it sucks, man. He’s super avoiding his feelings. Such a bitch. Do you think he died?”

“Don’t call him a bitch!” Ben rubbed at his aching eyes. “If he was dead, we’d have been told by now, surely?”

“Holdo’s got it in for me though, man,” Poe carried on conspiratorially. “I hope Hux comes back soon, I’m super over detentions.”

“That’s cos you keep pranking her! Not that levitating those dungbombs into her hair wasn’t hilarious, I grant you.”

They drank until the bottle was empty, snow was piling up outside the Greenhouse and they had run out of ideas to keep messing with Professor Holdo, who’d been acting as Hux’s substitute since he fell off the face of the earth.

Ben wasn’t even sure Hux was still in the castle; there were moments when he rounded a corner and could swear it felt like Hux had just disappeared from sight up ahead. He’d speed up, but he never caught him. Hux hadn’t been present at meals either, or anywhere on the grounds as far as Ben knew, but there’d also been no explanation about his sudden departure. Ben had initially been tormented at the thought that Hux had quit because of him, and the guilt had felt like it was chewing through his stomach. Finally, desperately, he’d asked Professor Holdo during class where Hux was and when he would be back. She hadn’t given an answer, merely smiled in a way that was probably meant to be comforting and said that Professor Hux was fine and that Ben shouldn't worry about him.

(“Dude you broke him,” Poe had whispered to him from behind their cauldrons once he’d returned to their table, as Holdo had roamed the room that didn’t bloody belong to her. “I know,” Ben had hissed back, feeling worried but also weirdly hopeful. “It was death by boner, his psyche just straight couldn’t cope,” Poe pronounced, before he yelped when Ben smacked him with his textbook. Holdo gave them two nights of detention when Poe smacked him back, which had proved to be much more fun than usual because she didn’t think to separate them.)

Ben had even subtly tried to ask Luke where Hux was. His Uncle had thought about it for a long moment, shrugged, told him he couldn’t remember, then shooed him on his way to Alchemy. Ben knew he was lying but couldn’t see a way to wrangle the truth from him that didn’t give the depths of his own feelings away. And there was no way he was going to admit his crush on Hux to his Uncle. 

“I miss him,” Ben admittedly quietly to Poe, breath fogging in the damp Greenhouse air, trying not to blush when Poe smirked at him.

“Yeah I bet you do. You know who I miss? Finn.”

“Dude.”

“I’m sorry! But I haven’t seen him since yesterday!” Poe wailed.

“Go ask him out then! Just do it man, come on. Then you’ll see him as often as he can stand you for.”

“You think I should?!”

“YES! OH MY GOD, HOW MANY YEARS HAVE I BEEN TELLING YOU TO?!”

“OK! THERE'S NO NEED TO YELL!” Poe staggered to his feet with something that might have resembled gusto, had he not promptly fell onto a table littered with gardening tools. “OK,” he tried again, as he finally managed to stumble off in the direction of the greenhouse door. He disappeared briefly from sight behind a cobra lily, and when Ben spotted him again, he was falling out the door and into a pile of snow.

Ben rolled to his feet and dawdled after him, giggling at the way the dirt floor was tilting under him.

“OK, I’m gonna! I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna go and just do it, man! Carpe diem!” Poe saluted him and wandered off towards the castle, slogging away through the snow, his orange sweater ludicrously bright against his surroundings.

“Whoo! Go Poe!” Ben cheered him, leaning heavily on the door for balance. Cheering, it turned out, didn’t agree with him. Fighting dizziness, he quickly sunk down against the cold glass wall of the greenhouse, closing his eyes against the spinning world and the bright sunlight on the snow.

“Mr. Solo.”

Ben shivered, opened blurry eyes to find Professor Phasma looming over him. Oh fuck.

“Oh fuck.”

“So it would seem.”

“Am I in trouble?”

“Definitely,” Phasma sniffed once, her nose red in the cold air, a green scarf wound around her chin and mouth. Then she produced her wand.

Thinking she was going to take aim at him, Ben screamed and covered his head with his arms, but peeked out from behind his fingers after a few moments when Phasma spoke again, this time to a silvery patronus.

“Get Armitage.”

Ben groaned as the hulking silvery wolf turned and sped away over the snow like a ghost.

“No, not him. He hates me; he left me. Can’t you get my Uncle instead? Or the Headmaster? Wait. Wait, Hux is here? He’s in the school? He’s come back? I thought he like… fell on his sword or something.”

“Professor Hux was briefly away from the campus to attend to a family matter. He returned to the school a week ago but has been unwell and decided to take time to recover fully before he resumed teaching. I have sent for him because he is the best shot you have at not being kicked out of this school for your current condition, Mr. Solo. If I had jurisdiction over you, then believe me you’d already be on the train by now. I _could_ send for Professor Skywalker, or the Headmaster, if you would prefer it. But do you want your mother to find out you’re drunk on school grounds? Or would you prefer to be immediately expelled?”

“I’m going to be sick.”

“Good.”

She didn’t say anything further as his stomach emptied itself of everything he felt like he’d consumed the whole year, but once he’d finished and was wiping his mouth clean with a handful of snow, she asked where Poe had got the alcohol from.

“How do you know it was Poe?” He asked her, suspicious. Was she a mind-reader?

“Because you’re not _quite_ this stupid on your own, and the two of you are incapable of doing anything independently of each other anyway. Where is he? He didn’t go into the forest, did he?”

“No, he went back to the castle.”

“And left you sitting drunk in the snow?”

“He’s on a quest for true love.”

“I see. Thank the Force for Finn, then; anything that keeps Mr. Dameron away from the forest. But hearts aren’t playthings, you know.”

Ben didn’t want to try and read between the lines there, just rested his head back against the cold glass behind him, only startling when new footsteps crunched over the snow. Phasma’s chuckle of “Your boy’s shitfaced, Armitage, you bloody fool,” made him open his eyes.

Phasma disappeared with her patronus in the time it took for Hux to loom in the entirety of Ben’s swimming vision, the most beautiful thing Ben had ever seen.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“Why do you always say that? I missed you.”

“Shut up! I say it because you seem to insist on doing the most idiotic things! Where is Mr. Dameron? He hasn’t gone into the forest, has he? SCYRE!” He tried to call Phasma back, but Ben waved a hand at him to stop.

“Nah, he’s gone to find Finn, which means he’s probably puking his guts up all through the Hufflepuff common room.”

“Good,” was the vicious response, before Ben was somehow hauled to his feet. He stood swaying as Hux’s wand was waved in his face. Clear-headedness swept over him so quickly he almost wanted to be sick again with the sensation.

“Go back to your dorm and thank your lucky stars I won’t have you expelled for this.”

“What? Why not?”

He thought Hux might not respond; his troubled green eyes simply bored into Ben’s, but he eventually spoke, after he’d dusted all the snow off Ben’s clothes and out of his hair.

“Don’t be dense, Mr. Solo.”

“Is it cos you want to punish me some other way?” Ben would never know what possessed him to blurt that out, only that he highly enjoyed the way it made Hux’s gaze harden, his nostrils flare. “I think some discipline could be a real help to me, you could –“

“Be. Silent.”

Ben grinned; the sight of Hux’s face going from white to red really shouldn’t have been such a thrill.

“Where’ve you been?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“You’re so annoying,” but Ben couldn’t wipe the smile from his face, and greedily gazed his fill of Hux as they tramped through the snow, which had begun to fall in soft flakes again. Hux kept shooting glances at him too, but he refused to smile and kept his face completely neutral. Faker.

Ben preceded him back up the outer stairs to the castle, stopping only once to point out he was now in his debt and if Hux needed any _favours_ – before he was unceremoniously shoved through the castle doors with a snarl of, “ _shut up, Mr. Solo_.”

Relenting, Ben put some distance between them once inside, his ecstatic brain buzzing over the fact that he was being allowed to get away with being completely tanked on school grounds.

The rest of his evening was spent nursing Poe, who Phasma had found and hauled by his collar back to their dorm. He was laid up in bed with BB on his chest when Ben arrived, and puked more often than he seemed to take breath. Ben kept a cold cloth in place over his friend’s forehead all night and routinely banished his vomit to the rubbish bin in Hux’s classroom.

The implications of the whole event went immediately to Ben’s head, which didn’t really shame him; he was a Slytherin, after all. The knowledge that Hux wouldn’t dob him in for his infraction made Ben positively euphoric. Hux could pretend he didn’t care until he was blue in the face, but his actions spoke otherwise. He wanted Ben around, even if he insisted on pretending their encounter in the Owlery hadn't happened. He felt _something_.

Annoyingly, Hux wouldn’t take any of the bait for further interactions that Ben laid for him after that, from the tame to the lewd. He seemed resolved to ignore Ben as much as he could. Ben finally got him to crack and keep him back after class one morning as they neared the Christmas break, after being entirely too suggestive with his quill during the lesson.

“Just how many lines am I going to have to cross to get you under control?” Hux growled, hands braced on his desk as he scowled up at Ben for all he was worth. Outside Ben could hear Hux’s next class queuing up to enter, but Hux didn’t seem to care about their clamouring, and had spelled the door locked.

“You know what I want,” Ben pointed out, keeping his hands in his pockets to hide their shaking. “You know how to make me stop. You know how to make me be good.”

Hux groaned, his eyes scrunching up as he buried his face in his hands and dropped back into his chair. Ben remained standing in front of his desk, trying not to smirk (he didn’t try very hard).

“You’re a little bit of an asshole, did you know that?”

Ben just laughed. “I’m not trying to give you an aneurysm, you know!”

“Could have fooled me! No, you’re the picture of saintly decorum, you are! I don’t know how to make things clearer to you, Mr. Solo. You are a _student_. I am your _teacher_. Even if I wanted to, I cannot touch you with any sort of intent on these grounds, not least because the Headmaster will know. All students are protected by a charm that alerts Yoda if any adult lays hands on them for any… nefarious reasons.”

“But you do want to.”

Hux hissed a little and looked so beyond irate than Ben had to laugh again; he really didn’t have any other way of coping with the whole situation.

“OK, OK! So, don’t touch me!” Ben pointed out the loophole, even as he gathered his courage and began to undo his robes.

Hux shook his head, “This is ridiculous, there are children outside! You know I won’t tell Yoda about how you’re behaving, so you’re just going to push and push, aren’t you? Until what, Mr. Solo? Until I break? Until you get what you want and then have me fired?”

“No, just as far as the breaking part,” Ben told him airily. “If you really wanted me to stop, I would. But you don’t. So just admit you want this.”

“What I _want_ is at the bottom of the priority list.”

“Not to me,” Ben undid his belt, then his trousers.

Hux shook his head and stood, his voice measured as the fight to stay calm played out on his face.

“Leave. Leave, or I’ll throw my career and your life down the drain and drag you to the Headmaster myself this very second, I promise you that, you foolish little...”

Ben shrugged at him, squeezing himself through his underwear. Hux’s knees seemed to go a little weak and he choked out a gasp before he spat “GET. OUT.” through gritted teeth.

“Fine, then,” Ben took his hands away, pulled his trousers back up, did up his belt and his robes, “but you know I’m well over 16, right?”

“Oh, it couldn’t be clearer that you consent,” Hux actually smiled, the tiniest quirk of his lips, “but I will not allow it, not while I occupy a position of power over you. I’m your Professor, and your head of house. Can’t you find someone else to be such a little shit to?”

Ben huffed a breath and decided to ignore that, since it was such a stupid question. Hux remained where he was, snarling at Ben’s wink before continuing his best death glare. The students outside were babbling away, oblivious, when Ben ducked out into the corridor. Ben didn’t stop grinning for the rest of the day.

That weekend found him circling the streets of Hogsmeade with Poe, trying to find Christmas gifts. Well, _he_ was looking for gifts, Poe was mostly just scanning the streets and shops for glimpses of Finn. Ben wound up with something for his mum (a bottle of navy blue, self-correcting ink from Scrivenshaft’s, and a peacock feather quill), his uncle (a large notebook bound in leather that was dyed a sandy gold), and even for Poe, when he had his back turned and was too busy peering at Finn through the shelves at Honeyduke’s to notice Ben buying him a huge bag of Fizzing Whizzbees, his favourite.

It was in Madam Puddifoot’s that Ben spotted the perfect gift for Hux, which made him revoke his bout of complaining at Poe’s dragging him to the teahouse (Finn was in the corner with Rey). Coffee mugs charmed with a stay-hot spell were for sale at the counter. He bought Hux a green one the colour of the sea, without letting himself think too hard about it and trying not to blush when he paid. Poe barely noticed Ben had even left the table and startled when he returned. Since their drinking session in the greenhouse, and his subsequent failed attempt at asking Finn on a date, Poe’s confidence had hit a low. To try and perk him up, Ben had got him another cup of his favourite liquorice tea, sliding it over the table to sit next to his hand.

It took Poe about ten minutes to notice.

“What’s…? Oh, thanks man,” he managed a weak smile, at least.

Hux was troubled at dinner that evening, refusing to even once glance in Ben’s direction. On the other hand, Phasma’s suspicious eyes barely left him. Ben waved at her obnoxiously at one point, just to be a shit, while trying to keep Poe’s plate loaded with mashed potato and gravy, the only thing his friend seemed vaguely willing to eat. Phasma gave him the finger in response, and Ben was so surprised he choked on a mouthful of his pumpkin juice. Poe roused himself into slapping at his back until Ben could breathe again.

“Dude, Phasma just gave me the finger!”

His embarrassment was worth it to hear Poe properly laugh.

Hux was quick to leave the Hall as soon he could. Ben tried to be casual as he waited a few moments and then went after him, but probably messed that up too. He was beyond caring.

“You didn’t eat anything,” he called as he caught Hux up near the Potions corridor, because wow, what a smooth opening line.

“What?”

“You didn’t… eat… anything… at… at dinner,” Ben mumbled, suddenly feeling stupid and young.

“So?” Hux was squinting at him as if confused, torchlight flickering red in his hair, gold on his skin.

“I just…”

Hux snorted, “You needn’t concern yourself about me half as much you do. I’m not hungry right now. I’ll eat something later.”

“Are you OK?”

“Don’t start, Mr. Solo. I’m growing increasingly sick of these exchanges.”

“I just want to know that you’re alright!” Ben cried out; he pressed forward as Hux automatically backed away. “That’s all.”

“Is it?” was the wary response. “You’re not going to use the opportunity to strip again and try and lure me into fucking you senseless against the wall?”

“Oh, Merlin, yes please,” Ben mumbled, before he could help himself. Then he shook his head, annoyed. “No! That wasn’t why I followed you!”

“Excuse me if I find that difficult to believe!”

“I don’t care what you believe!” Ben spat back. “I’m not ruled by my dick 24/7, you know. I do actually have the capacity to care!”

“Well stop caring! You’re not going to win this! You can keep up your games and your wiles to your heart’s content, Mr. Solo. I will never _ever_ lay a finger on you on these grounds, so get that through your head!”

“I’ve actually never asked you to!” Ben growled, his anger rising to make his blood pump, his heart lodging thick in his throat. “You barely eat, you constantly look like you’re about to collapse from exhaustion…”

“It’s called stress, and the source of it is standing right in front me!” Hux barked, circling him like he was a foreign object he didn’t understand. “Stop trying to make me lose my job and maybe I wouldn’t feel like I was constantly going to be sick every second of the day!”

“I don’t want you to lose your job! I’ve never asked you to do _anything_ that jeopardises your position here! I just –“

“You just what?” Hux was in his face suddenly, and Ben pressed back against the wall to escape the intense scrutiny in his eyes.

“I…”

“What? What, Benjamin? What? Tell me what the fuck you want?! Because if you can’t see that all the paths before us lead to me losing my job and you getting expelled, then you’re even denser than you’re acting.”

“I just need you,” Ben whispered, his anger fading as he tried to articulate what he felt. “I need you. I don’t even want to, because I’m so fucking pissed at you right now. But I do. I need what you say to stop counteracting what you do. You say you don’t want me, but you don’t look away, you don’t ever look away. You say you don’t care about me, but you keep me stuck here, chasing after you.”

“Merlin kill me now,” Hux groaned.

Ben closed his eyes, overwhelmed by how close he was, then opened them again when Hux started talking.

“I do want you,” the admission was whispered like it was a curse. “Merlin help me, but I want you so badly it’s driving me insane. I think about you constantly, and it’s the worst damn torment, the most excruciating punishment... when I’m teaching, when I wake up, at night… but I can’t bear to be around you; I _dread_ your classes. You don’t even know how badly I wish... But the thought of you leaving, getting expelled or transferred… What do you think would happen, the second I give in?”

“I’m not asking you to,” Ben croaked the reminder. “I haven’t exactly been thinking clearly or acting very fair, and I’ll tone it down. I’ll stop trying to push your buttons, I just… please, don’t keep acting like you hate me.”

Hux’s hands rested against the wall behind Ben, on either side of his face. The look in his eyes was that of someone tortured, with no hope of escape. He let out a long sigh of defeat, then shifted back, and was striding away down the hall before Ben could react.

Ben let him go, and took himself back to his dorm room, feeling rung out thin and cut up to little pieces all at once.

Proximity to Hux had had its usual affect; he was hard as a rock when he dropped down onto his desk chair and pulled a roll of parchment towards him, loaded his quill with ink. If Hux wasn’t going to let him talk, he’d have to write. Poe had said he wanted to finish off his Arithmancy essay at the library that evening, so Ben was reasonably sure he had some time alone.

_I know I said I’d lay off, and I will. But I wish you didn’t do this to me. I wish I could just be calm and collected and coherent around you. But no, like usual, five minutes in your company and I’m going to combust. You always do this to me. I think I can cope; I think I can be OK, and then I see you or you look at me, or someone says your name, or you walk past… and I just lose all self-control. I just lose. I get so hard around you, I don’t even know what to do about it. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve had to sneak off to the bathrooms after your class. The problem is it never works for very long. I think about you all the time. I think about what I want to do for you, what I want you to do to me. I think about you pinning me to your desk and taking your pleasure, holding my hips down and just taking me as hard and fast as you like. I think about you getting me ready, spreading me open, licking me open. I think about how you’ll feel when you finally slide into me. It’s going to hurt, I’m told, but I don’t care. I want you to be rough. I want it to hurt. You hurt me all the time anyway, so it seems fitting. I want you to watch what you’re doing to me. And I want it over and over and over, again and again and again. I want you to control me, dominate me, use me. I want to be all yours. Make me yours. Not now, but one day, please just promise you’ll have me? I don’t care how long I have to wait. I’ll wait._

After he came, fast and frantic in his hand, Ben cleaned himself up and folded the letter, tucking it into the mug he’d bought Hux. He wrapped the whole thing up before panic and doubt could set in. If his life was about to go to shit, he reasoned as he climbed into bed, he might as well enjoy what he could.

He gave Hux the present after their last Potions class before school broke up for the Christmas holiday, dithering to make sure he would be the last to leave before producing it from his bag and placing it on Hux’s desk, ignoring the groan.

“It had better not be something depraved,” Hux warned him, eyeing the gift as if it was about to explode.

“Just don’t open it in front of anyone,” Ben told him helpfully. Hux threw a quill at him to shoo him from the room.

“Have a great Christmas!”

“Oh, bugger off, Mr. Solo.”

*

Christmas Eve that year, to Ben’s horror, was again occasion for Leia’s usual holiday party. Every year Ben hoped it wouldn’t happen, and every year it did; Ministry officials, heads of NGOs, strangers off the street – all sorts of people (none of whom Ben liked except for Poe) were invited into the Minister’s home to celebrate the season.

Stupidly expensive food was carted about on silver trays by pristinely-dressed waiters, suave bartenders provided any manner of drink one could possibly desire (that part wasn’t bad), and Ben was trotted about, expected to flatter the masses of people clustered around their three living rooms, the drawing room, the dining rooms (both formal and informal) and out on the balcony and the terrace garden below. Under the watchful eye of Leia, her aides and the whole rest of her entourage, Ben would grit his teeth and try to enjoy it. He never did.

He could usually escape with Poe whenever Luke took pity on him and saw he was getting frantic about the eyes, typically after an hour or two. Ben and Poe would steal as much liquor as they could and barricade themselves in Ben's room; Luke somehow never failed to convince Leia to leave them alone after that.

This year was different; this year, when Ben finally, reluctantly, clattered downstairs, tugging at his dark green dress robes and glaring at anyone who dared to try to greet him, his mother called him to her much earlier than usual. He dragged his feet but eventually made it to her, after downing two glasses of champagne one after the other on his way. Leia could not be missed, holding court by the grand piano that had been one of Han’s only gifts to his son since his abandonment of them (at least, Ben assumed his father had sent it; the piano had appeared in their living room on his 10th birthday, and after it had been thoroughly checked over by 5 different Ministry departments, and Uncle Luke, and pronounced safe, Leia had let Ben keep it).

Tonight, Leia was resplendent in robes of gold, her hair in a series of elaborate twists and braids, coiled around her head like a crown. She squeezed Ben’s hand and beamed up at him when he joined her, and he relaxed his sour mood long enough to offer her a smile.

“Benjamin, dear, your uncle just had the most wonderful idea; why don’t you play something for us?”

Ben couldn’t groan out loud or spit the slew of swear words he so badly wanted to in his smirking uncle’s face, due to all eyes in the room being turned towards him, expectant smiles abound.

“I’m rusty, Mum, I dunno…”

“Don’t be silly, Ben,” his Uncle chided. “Play!”

He mouthed to Luke that he hated him as he took his seat at the piano and decided to just play the music still on the sheet rack – his mother’s favourite by Ludovico Einaudi.

As he let the opening bars of ‘Waterways’ fill the air, Ben spotted Poe across the room, who was waggling his eyebrows weirdly and mouthing something Ben couldn’t make out. He shook his head a little at him to convey he didn’t understand, immediately missed a note, and tried to focus on playing.

It was precisely when he let the final note linger that he glanced over at his mother, who was glowing with pride, and spotted Professor Windu next to her. His Professor was already applauding him with a broad smile.

Ben bowed quickly to the room before he immediately scrambled over to his uncle.

“Why is Windu here?”

“Your mother invited him. She invited all the staff.”

“All the staff?” Ben asked, a note of hysteria creeping into his voice. “All the _Hogwarts_ staff?”

“All of them,” Luke said between two long sips of his wine.

“And, ah, how many showed up? Just Windu?”

“No. All of them.”

“All of them. All of them as in all of them? As in every single one of them?”

“Yup.”

“So, every single member of staff – _every single one_ – is here right now?”

“Yes.”

“ _All_ of them?”

“Merlin, Ben, yes. Yes, _he’s_ here.”

“Who’s here? I don’t know what you’re talking about?” The deadpan look in Luke’s eyes told him he was not convincing. Poe running up and hissing “Ben, Hux is here!” not even remotely quietly in his ear did little to help.

Ben grabbed a handful of Poe’s robes and they scrambled off into the safety of the walk-in pantry in the kitchen.

“Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck fuck fuck, dude, what the fuck do I do?!”

“OK, you gotta chill, man! OK, so Hux is outside on the balcony with Phasma. Just chill, be cool, be cool, it’s fine. That was song beautiful by the way. That was so beautiful man, I almost cried. OK, are you chill? Are you good?”

“M’fine, yeah, it’s fine, who even cares, it’s not a big deal,” Ben muttered. He should leave it, should ignore Hux entirely, should totally just completely keep away from the balcony and not go anywhere near it.

He went straight there as soon as Poe opened the pantry door.

*

Hux was standing with his back to the interior of the house, the glittering fairy lights on the balustrade – with which the gardener had carefully wrapped every tree and stone surface he could find – were reflecting in his hair, picking out the deep blue of his robes like stars. Ben couldn’t have kept his eyes off him if he’d tried (he didn’t try). The frightened hope blooming in his chest felt like it was ripping him open. Hux was _here_.

“Mr. Solo! Mr. Dameron!” Phasma called, as intimidating as ever in robes of blood red. She watched Ben fix a smile in place and head their way, stepping out into the cold night air. Poe clung to his side like a limpet, blatantly not wanting to be there, but not wanting to abandon Ben either.

“Benjamin, that song was lovely,” Phasma praised. “We heard it from here. I didn’t know you played.”

“Only when Mum wants to trot me out at parties. I haven’t played seriously in years.”

“Well it was very impressive, wasn’t it, Armitage?”

“It was fine,” Hux didn’t even turn to acknowledge them.

“Right, thanks, whatever,” Ben mumbled, not liking this one bit; Hux was here but wouldn’t look at him? What the fuck? Phasma shot a long look at her friend, then gave Ben a grin, and wiggled her eyebrows. She sidled away with the subtlety of a bear, dragging Poe with her.

“Mr. Dameron, show me to the rest of the alcohol, if you please. No, that does not mean I will condone you drinking any, I saw the state you were in last time you did that. Did you know you were asleep in your own vomit?”

“Oh, so that’s why my hair stunk the next day…”

“You should have warned me you were coming,” Ben told Hux’s back, unable to look away from the line of tension in his shoulders.

“I had no intention to come, until Scyre convinced me. And why should I have warned you? What have you got to do with this?”

“This is my house!”

“The whole faculty is here, in a professional capacity. It shouldn’t matter than I am amongst them. I am not here because I want to be, I assure you. I am here because I felt I must come,” Hux finally turned to him. “I felt if I did not, I would very much regret missing the opportunity.”

“Oh, just… fuck you. Fuck you! I’m so over your freaking mind games! You’re the most annoying person in the world! You said you wanted me, remember that? Then you ran away. Then you turn up at my house and won’t even _look_ at me, spouting all this cryptic crap! Fuck you!” Ben growled, before he could help himself, spinning on his heel and storming away, desperate to not be in the house, in the damn city of London anymore. Poe snagged his arm as he passed him in one of the dining rooms and they scurried up to his room together, Ben fuming, Poe unscrewing a bottle of something as they half-ran.

“I hate him,” Ben growled, grabbing the bottle and taking a long pull of what turned out to be knotgrass mead. “I hate him. I hate him. I hate that he does this to me!”

“Yeah, it’s fucked up, dude. He can’t just rock up to your _house_ and be all like ‘It doesn’t matter if I’m here, just forget about it, I’m only here because blah blah blah.’ Like dude, no, it totally matters! This is your house! That’s your bed! Where you wank!“

“Don’t... oh Merlin. Look, no, let’s just… I don’t even want to think about him right now.”

“Wait a minute,” Poe sat up from where he’d just slumped onto the floor by Ben’s desk, slapping him on the leg to get his attention. “Dude.”

“What,” Ben groused as he threw himself down next to him, stealing back the bottle for three more gulps.

“You said that while students are at the school they can’t get felt up or whatever by pervert teachers cos Yoda would know?”

“Yeah, I guess it works something like that.”

“This isn’t school, Buddy.”

*

Hux, when Ben wended his way back downstairs half a bottle of mead later, a bit dizzy and resolutely avoiding eye-contact with everyone, was where Ben had left him, albeit with several more empty wine glasses on the stone railing in front of him.

“Oh, here he is. Back for round two, Mr. Solo? Little tip, try to keep from swearing this time!”

Hux waved Phasma away, “Don’t worry, Scyre, there is literally nothing he could say that I would ever let wound me.”

“Yeah, like I believe that,” she huffed, but she left anyway, planting herself just inside the doorway with her back to them, ostensibly to keep guard.

Ben moved as far from the door and windows as he could before he turned to face Hux, shivering, his robes doing little to protect him from the icy air.

“I’m not going to apologise.”

“Neither am I,” Hux snapped back, but still he followed him to his freezing cold hiding spot, still he let Ben press himself against him, let him bury his face in his neck with a sigh of delight. And still he let Ben lift his head and finally finally _finally_ kiss him for half an exquisite heartbeat, before he leaned back.

“That’s enough.”

“How?!” Ben groaned, dizzy and needing light-years more, forever.

“Shh, shh,” Hux brought up a hand to brush his cheek. “Behave.”

“One more,” Ben pleaded, clutching at him. “Just one more.”

Hux sighed, hands already stroking fire down his back, “You’re incorrigible. I knew you would be.”

“That’s not no,” Ben gasped, before his words were lost in his moan of pleasure as their mouths brushed again. When Hux pulled back to start kissing his neck he outright keened, high and weak, and squeezed at his hips, his shoulders, as every nerve ending in his body sang for more.

Eventually, Hux eased himself away again, as Phasma’s hand knocked a sharp rap of warning on the glass door.

“Now that’s enough,” his voice was stern, though his eyes were anything but.

Ben could hear Leia’s voice carrying from inside, and it quelled him too.

“Fine,” he grumbled, taking a few steps away, pushing his back to the cold stone wall to try and calm himself down, shoving his hair out of his eyes.

Hux just smirked at him, outlined against the moon, “How long did it take you to figure it out?”

“I didn’t. Poe did.”

“Mr. Dameron? I’m genuinely shocked.”

“He’s always got my back. I was too busy being angry at you to put two and two together,” Ben shrugged.

Phasma stood aside to let the boy in question suddenly come spilling out onto the balcony, looking panicked and making a beeline for Ben.

“Dude, dude, help, your uncle’s going to kill me, man! _Fuck it’s cold out here, what the fuck dude!_ Oh, hey, Professor Hux. Dude! I’m dead, he’s going to kill me! Oh, Merlin, he’s coming!”

It was Hux who voiced Ben’s question as Poe came skidding across the icy flagstones to duck between Ben and the wall.

“What did you do, Mr. Dameron?”

“Turns out that mead was one of Luke’s Christmas presents,” Poe answered, arms wrapping around Ben’s waist to drag him in front him, just in time for Luke to come charging out to join them on the now far too crowded balcony.

“POE!”

“What the heck is it with you two?” Hux scowled at Ben. “Stop getting drunk all the time, for crying out loud!”

“Look in a mirror, find out who to blame,” Ben muttered to him out of the corner of his mouth before he held out his hands to hold his Uncle off.

“Uncle Luke! We’re sorry! We didn’t know it was yours!”

“They don’t know much, really, collectively or independently,” Phasma pointed out from the doorway.

“We didn’t drink all of it!” Poe tried.

“YES, YOU DID! IT IS LITERALLY EMPTY ON BEN’S DESK! DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THAT SHIT IS?!”

“Seriously, you two need to lay off the alcohol,” Hux insisted, before Phasma piped up from the doorway once more.

“You’re one to talk! How many drinks have you had this evening?”

“I’m an adult!”

“Benjamin’s an adult.”

“He’s 17!”

“He’s 18 in January,” Poe stuck his head out briefly from behind Ben to point out. “What’s the age of consent, anyway?”

“16,” Phasma told him.

“There we go, Buddy!” Poe slapped Ben heartily on the back, before he hissed to Hux, “Professor, did you hear that?!”

Luke was wheeling about between the four of them as if he couldn’t decide who to yell at first. Ben cheated completely by grabbing Poe’s arm and making a break for the doors while Luke was busy having a glare-off with Hux.

Poe howled with laughter as Ben half-dragged, half-carried him back up the stairs to his room. They didn’t once leave their refuge after that; Poe fell asleep on Ben’s bed still giggling, while Ben perched on the windowsill for one last look at Hux before he departed from their doorway, a blue shadow moving down the pavement into the night.

*

Luke still wasn’t speaking to Ben when he apparated them back to the school a week later. Ben had to trot to keep up with him as he strode up the snowy drive towards the dark castle.

“Uncle Luke, I’ve said sorry a billion times!”

“And I heard you a billion times.”

“What more do you want me to do?!” Ben snapped as they pushed through the front doors of the castle, Luke flinging one shut behind them with such force it bounced back off the frame.

“You don’t want me to answer that, kid.”

“Uncle Luke!” But Luke was already storming off in the direction of his quarters next to the Hufflepuff common room. Fuming, Ben stormed off too, eventually flinging himself onto a seat in front of Hux’s desk in his office, not bothering to knock.

Hux, seated at the desk and surrounded by screwed up balls of parchment covered in crossed out scribbles, merely raised his eyebrows at him.

“My Uncle’s still mad at me.”

Hux considered him for a long moment before he pushed whatever he was trying to write away and folded his hands in his lap.

“Professor Skywalker isn’t angry at you, he’s angry at me.”

“Great, so I can send him down here to yell at you next time, then?”

“By all means, it might even make him feel better,” Hux was smiling at him across the desk, eyes surprisingly soft.

Ben couldn’t help but sigh a little.

“How was the rest of your week?”

“Oh, fine. You guys always set too much homework though, it’s supposed to be a holiday. I still have to finish an essay on transmutation for Professor Erso.”

“Don’t let me keep you.”

“Do you really think I want to be anywhere else?” Ben said as he stood and started to undo his robes. “Do you think I just forgot what happened at that stupid party so easily?”

“Don’t you care what happens when this gets found out?” Hux eyed him.

“No one will find out. You don’t have to touch me. But you can watch.”

“On what planet is… oh…” Hux mumbled weakly, as Ben finally peeled off his underwear and hopped up onto the desk with his robes hanging off his shoulders, his shirt undone.

The coldness of the air in the dungeon hit him, and he shivered. Hux mumbled the heating charm and warmth washed over Ben’s bare skin. With a moan he sank back onto the desk and began to stroke himself, unable to keep the noises of delight from falling from his lips.

Hux didn’t speak, didn’t try to stop him, surprisingly, just watched. His eyes followed the path Ben’s hand travelled over his length; even dry it felt so damn good.

“I haven’t done this properly since I wrote you that letter,” Ben told him, and Hux screwed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth in response.

“Don’t mention that thing to me.”

“Did you like it? What did you do with it? I bet your burnt it, or something equally dramatic. Was that before or after you wanked off over it? I know you did,” Ben couldn’t help but crow. “I know you did! How many times?”

“You’re not as gifted a writer as you think. It was depraved filth.”

“How many times?”

“I’m not answering that.”

Ben watched him, saw the admission on his face; his own breathing got deeper and heavier and soon the room was filled with his helpless moans, the sound of his hand coaxing himself closer and closer towards climax.

His head was swimming with pleasure so when Hux leaned forward to whisper in his ear, “Three times in one night, I read it over and over and over. Oh, Merlin, yes, that’s it my lovely, that’s it…” Ben came with a cry almost instantaneously.

Hux gazed almost fervently at the mess on Ben's abdomen and hand, but Ben toed the line and didn’t ask him to help him clean up. He sat up hazily and wiped himself clean with his own discarded underwear, which he threw in Hux’s bin when he finally peeled himself off the desk. He got dressed in between shooting Hux triumphant glances.

“Congratulations,” Hux told him, his eyes resuming their usual expression of being intensely annoyed. “You got what you wanted, and you’ve broken my brain in the process. Happy?”

“Ecstatic.”

“If this continues – that’s _if_ – then it does so according entirely to my rules.”

“I can take orders.”

“That remains to be seen.”

“You’ll see,” Ben promised.

“Go write your bloody essay,” Hux groused, and Ben didn’t think he’d ever left that particular room feeling so pleased with himself.


	5. January

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to my amazing betas - the world has gone a bit craycray but I'm so grateful to you for taking the time to help me with this trash.  
> Virtual hug to whoever gets the pathetic reference I made to Adam Driver's undercover boss skit from SNL.

Confirmation of the… thing – whatever it was – that Ben had going with Hux (guided-masturbation-sessions-on-Hux’s-desk couldn’t really be the official term for their relationship, could it?), had two monumental effects on Ben. The first was that he was in a constant state of euphoria (not to mention exceptionally horny most of the time, too). The second was that he started to slip in his classes as January progressed, mostly due to being distracted by daydreaming of Hux.

Since his usual fantasies had become reality (Hux’s desk; Hux watching from his chair, Hux’s _eyes_ on him as he touched himself, judging, assessing; Hux barking order at Ben to speed up, slow down, stop, take his hands away; Hux groaning through gritted teeth that he wanted to touch Ben so badly, to kiss him again, to spread him open…), Ben’s mind was now often highly preoccupied with creating new ones (the content of which ranged from sweet to so erotic that Ben was a tiny bit concerned about just how depraved his brain could get). But the struggle to pay attention in classes left him with incomplete notes, which in turn meant he had to spend longer researching his essays and practicing his spell work to fill in the gaps.

They established a routine where he saw Hux three evenings a week. Hux would talk him through what to do to himself all without laying a finger on him, which drove Ben’s lust-addled brain utterly haywire. The first time Ben had barely been able to focus, had cum so soon into it that he was almost embarrassed. The second time he’d pitched himself off the desk in a complete furore, desperate to climb onto Hux’s lap and rut against him as hard and fast as he could until they both came. Hux had made him stop and damn near almost kicked him out altogether. Ben learnt after that to control himself little by little, to last long enough to prove he could do as commanded, but he was a work in progress. Hux didn’t seem to mind the occasional slip-up, so long as Ben didn’t outright defy him and kept trying to obey.

Ben wasn't enitrely sure which aspect it was, or which combination of aspects, that he found so overwhelmingly hot (all of them?), but he stupidly thought he was coping and had a handle of everything, right up until he didn't.

He failed an Alchemy essay and a Herbology practical one after the other on the same freezing Wednesday morning, and even getting Poe in the face with the perfect snowball on the way back to the castle from the Greenhouses (Poe had started it) couldn’t perk Ben up. Because, to his genuine horror, he found that he didn’t actually care that he’d been handed two failed grades in two hours. All Ben cared about was that he knew – with a certainty that made him want to be sick – that it was only a matter of time until Hux found out. _That_ mattered.

Teachers were bloody gossips (Uncle Luke was the worst), and when Hux found out… what would he do? Ben wasn’t sure, and it made him nervous. Would Hux call the whole thing off between them? Would he say it was too dangerous, too risky, and that it was having too much of a negative impact on Ben’s marks, so they needed to stop? The worst part was a traitorous little voice in Ben’s head that whispered that this was true; he was constantly preoccupied. The best thing would be to put an end to it. He could rarely focus on anything other than Hux, and as fucking hot as it all was, Ben wouldn’t be able to stay at school much longer if he kept bloody failing everything.

But then, Ben wondered to himself over lunch (leaving Poe to gabble away to himself about their chances against Ravenclaw for their match in March, pausing to glare dramatically for effect over at Zorii Bliss, the Ravenclaw captain), what was the point of Ben being at Hogwarts? He’d stayed on because he couldn’t be bothered to leave. Almost half-way through the school year, and he was no closer to knowing what the heck he was going to do with himself when it was over, assuming he lasted long enough to find out.

Luke caught his eye and frowned heavily at him from the High Table. He’d eventually forgiven him for the Christmas party alcohol-stealing fiasco, but this might now jeopardise their truce; it was clear from his face that he knew about Ben’s grades. Ben sighed and ran his eye along the rest of the table. Hux wasn’t in his usual seat next to Phasma, but was instead sequestered away down the far end with Professor Snoke, their heads inclined as they whispered back and forth. On Snoke’s other side Professor Erso and his son-in-law were nodding together about something, and both their eyes went straight to Ben when they looked up.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Ben grumbled, snapping his fingers in Poe’s face to get his attention away from Zorii. “What are they all saying, man?”

Poe followed the jerk of Ben’s thumb to the High Table and squinted, his gaze flicking about between the teachers.

“… uh yeah, I think they’re all talking about your marks, pal. Professor Kenobi says he’s surprised. Professor Phasma says she’s not.”

Anger slunk up into Ben’s throat. He only took classes with five of the Professors, so why the heck were they _all_ talking about him? He stood, shunting his bench back, causing a cry of distress from the fourth-year girl next to him when the jolt made her drop her spoon into her soup.

“Sorry, kid,” he muttered, fixing Hux with a glare even though he wasn’t looking at him. He was still focused on Snoke. “I’m going to class, I’ll see you there,” he grunted at Poe, who gave him a sympathetic smile in response.

Hux’s note caught up to him before he even made it to the empty Ancient Runes corridor; there was still twenty minutes left for lunch, but Ben couldn’t bear to stay a sitting target for such scrutiny. He was stomping to try and exert his anger, his breathing coming ragged, and the little furl of paper had to dart around his head a few times before he noticed it to snatch it from the air.

He scowled at the single word, knowing Hux breaking routine to summon him tonight couldn’t mean anything good, then scrunched it up and dropped it in the nearest bin.

*

“Come,” Hux beckoned him, when Ben slipped into his office that evening, still smarting from his crappy day. “Kneel.”

Every ounce of blood in Ben’s body went straight to his dick as he started across the room, which he felt was perfectly justified. His irritability faded; Hux just looked too gut-wrenchingly good in the flickering torch light of the room, all gold glowing skin, soft red hair. Perfect. Ben didn’t draw attention to his desire, just did as he had been told and dropped to his knees by Hux’s chair. Hux considered him for a moment, then lowered a hand into his hair and guided him to rest his head on his lap, Ben’s cheek against his thigh.

“I heard about your results.”

“Yeah, I assumed you would. I saw you all fucking gossiping at lunch.”

“Don’t swear. And don’t take that tone with me. I daresay I have a right to be alarmed.”

“I’ve been distracted,” Ben admitted, grudgingly. He was glad his face was hidden by his hair so that Hux couldn’t see him gritting his teeth.

“Do you want this to stop?”

“No!” Ben whispered fiercely. “No! Please, no! That’s the last thing I want.”

“What you want, what you need, and what is best for you, are three vastly different things in this scenario, Benjamin. You want all the orgasms your body can produce, and you want them as frequently as possible. You need grounding, and guidance, and to learn some self-control. But what is best for you…”

“Is you,” Ben insisted, reaching up with both hands to cling to Hux’s knees. “You, and me, and this. Please. Please don’t leave me.”

Hux stroked his hair, his fingers gentle and his tone just as calm. ”What is _best_ for you is to focus on your classes. Your grades have begun to slip. Neither of us want that. So, we need to think about what will help you keep concentrating on what really matters. I’m not going anywhere any time soon; I’m going to stay right here and keep nagging you until you get yourself sorted.”

“I just… I just need to calm down, I think? I need to get over how fucking terrified I am that you might suddenly change your mind, or disappear into the wind again. And I need to just… accept that somehow, I’m lucky enough, that this is real, you really want me, and this is actually happening. You gotta understand, I’ve been wanting this for _years_. And now it’s real. I get to sort-of-not-really have sex with you. So, I need to calm down and move past that. And then I gotta focus on keeping my life as normal as possible.”

“That’s right,” Hux agreed. “I’m… _we’re_ … one aspect of your life right now. You can’t let it eclipse everything else. And I mean it when I say I’m not going to abandon you. I know I disappeared for a few weeks last month, but there were matters I had to attend to, which I couldn’t escape from. Ultimately, we have to keep being very careful and patient. I’m holding out for the vaguely normal relationship we might be able to create at the end of this year. Do you understand?”

Ben sighed his yes, his tense muscles and roaring brain finally relaxing. How long he knelt with his head on Hux’s lap, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he felt weightless, calm, and completely safe.

“Won’t Yoda know?” he mumbled at some point, too full of oxytocin to open his eyes. “That you’re touching me?”

“I can touch you to comfort you, as long as that intent remains genuine. Just relax, my lovely.”

When Ben finally stood, how much later he wasn’t sure, he had to hold the desk for support because his legs had gone dead. Hux stroked his cheek one last time before he let his hand drop away.

“Off to bed, you need some rest.”

Sleepy and oddly sated, Ben nodded in agreement and went without trying to push for more. Alone time with Hux had lifted the pressure off his shoulders and he went to bed that night smiling.

The next day was better for it.

At breakfast, while Poe helped him rehearse what to say to Professor Andor to convince him to let Ben retake yesterday’s failed practical, a letter arrived for Ben.

“You could open with how badass his wife is?” Poe suggested over his oatmeal, as a barn owl swooped over them and dropped the envelope, which bounced off of Ben’s head.

“How would that help?” Ben mumbled as he leaned down to pick it up off the floor, frowning at the handwriting on the front. Not Hux’s, so he didn’t really care.

“It’s fact? Professor Erso-Andor is straight up boss. Oh man, Finn looks so good today. Look at him, look how freaking hot he looks.”

“Finn looks the same as he always looks.”

“Yeah; perfect.”

Ben took a sip of coffee and let his eyes flick up to the High Table. Hux was with Phasma as usual, the two of them smiling in the open and genuine way they only seemed to do around each other. Ben tried to stamp down on the warmth that shot through him at seeing Hux so unguarded (he failed). Phasma was outright giggling about something, and Hux, who was shaking his head at her in amusement, was still laughing as his eyes met Ben’s. Then his expression melted into the smile that was only Ben’s, the gentle quirk of his lips, the even softer look in his eyes.

It was a struggle not to sigh in longing; Poe flicked his forehead.

“Stop drooling. I got it, tell Andor you have been having flashbacks to the lake! PTSD, you know?”

Ben pulled a face. “I don’t wanna lie about something like that, man.”

“The hell kinda Slytherin are you?” Poe groused as he stood. “You gotta figure something out, man, we got Herbology in like five minutes.”

Ben shot one last look at Hux, let some of his ever-present longing creep into his gaze just to make Hux smirk back at him in response, then followed Poe. He opened the letter as an afterthought as they hurried across the snowy grounds, their heads bent against the wind.

The handwriting still wasn’t familiar, that was what hurt most. But it was unmistakably Han.

_Ben, I hope this finds you well. I haven’t exactly been the best father, I know that. But there’s something I really need your help with, something I need you to do for me as soon as you can. Something bad has happened and I really need your help, son._

Ben huffed and threw the letter into his bag, not wanting to read anymore. Then he yanked it out and set fire to it with his wand, letting it drop into the snow once it was sufficiently ablaze. This was his first contact from his father in 5 years, since another letter had reached Ben at Hogwarts (which he’d kept safe under his pillow for years after, hoping and hoping it would precede an actual visit from the man. It never had). But Han didn’t miss him, didn’t want to see him, and Ben was less sure than ever that Han even loved him. Han just wanted something from Ben, his help with getting away with something illegal, probably.

“Wassat?” Poe asked, still chewing a pastry he'd pilfered from breakfast as he looked back at the ruined letter in the snow.

“Nothing. My dad. It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh wow. You sure? You OK, man?”

“Yeah, it’s nothing. He’s nothing.”

In the end he just straight up asked Andor after class if he could re-sit the practical, and to his surprise, the young Professor agreed.

“Yeah, of course,” he shrugged at Ben as he hefted a terracotta pot containing a young Venomous Tentacular, tilting his head back out of range as it tried to reach out for his neck. “I was going to suggest it to you, too.”

“Wait, really? Just like that?”

“You’ve been pretty out of it lately. Galen’s noticed the same,” Andor said, shrugging again as he mentioned his father-in-law.

“You guys are such gossips, man!”

“Poe, don’t insult him, he might change his mind.”

Professor Andor just laughed. “Don’t worry about it. You can have a do-over; at your level, with all the stress of NEWTS, a few hiccups are kinda normal. Just don’t let it become habit; this isn’t a safe class to zone out in. Besides, things are about to get a lot tougher for you, from what I hear.”

“Well that’s fucking ominous.”

“Poe, shush! Thank you, Sir, I really appreciate it.”

Andor just waved them off and finally pulled out his wand to stun the sapling, slapping it away once more from reaching out to try and strangle him.

“Being seventh year sure has perks, but what the heck did he mean about things getting tougher?” Poe asked through a yawn. He fished another pastry from his bag and ripped it in half so Ben could have some too as they headed through the melting snow to Care of Magical Creatures. Ben’s Kelpie came trotting to him as they passed the lake, and he reached for her head, letting the icy water stream down his free hand as he petted her.

“Dunno. Classes are getting tougher, I guess?”

“You should name her,” Poe suggested, bored of the conversation already, as the Kelpie tossed her mane and sent a cascade of water droplets through the air that sparkled in the weak sunlight.

“I suppose so," Ben patted her flank, before she trotted off on her way to do whatever it was tamed Kelpies did with themselves on frozen lake beds.

Their class with Jinn was basic enough, and focused on defensive spells against dangerous creatures; it was more Defence against the Dark Arts stuff than actually learning to care for the creatures, but cross-over on vital material like safety was common at Hogwarts.

They didn’t need to cover Kelpies.

Jinn kept Ben after the class, waved him over to join him as he tramped across the snow to the cabin he used as an office. Ben subsequently found out what Andor had meant quicker than he expected to.

“So, I need your help with something,” Jinn volunteered as they entered the cabin, before he swore and started scrambling about, trying to keep a Niffler that had broken free of its cage away from the copper door handle.

“Seems to be a bit of a theme today.”

“Hm?” Jinn managed to wrestle the Niffler into its cage.

“Nothing. What can I help with?”

“How blind of a panic would it send you into if I asked you to take over my lower level classes? It’s just for one week, third and fourth years, eight classes total.”

“I… really? Me?”

“Yes, you,” Jinn offered him a cup of tea and Ben took it just to have something to hold. “Chewie is doing the upper classes for me but can’t fit the lower in with the rest of his Groundskeeper duties. Plus, most of the students under fifteen are terrified of him. We thought we’d ask you before we pulled in a formal substitute; you’re easily my best student.”

“We?”

“Headmaster Yoda and I. The creatures all know you; you’ll cover Fathiers with the third years and Porgs with the fourth. Easy. Just one week.”

“I mean… yeah, sure, but my classes…”

“Your schedule has already been rearranged. You’ll have to have private classes of your own to catch up, but all your Professors have already agreed.”

Sanctioned time alone with Hux? Ben said yes without a second thought.

“Sure, yeah, I’ll do it. Porgs and Fathiers… when will this be?”

“Next week,” Jinn pulled a sheaf of parchment from his desk drawer. “Here, it’s all organised, lesson plans, talking points. I’ve shifted all their assignments, so you don’t have to worry about grading, just take them through the material.”

“Yeah. OK. Yeah, I can do that.”

“Great,” Jinn looked relieved. “I’ve got a breeding pair of Aethonans and their yearling to collect from Stornoway, and the transport is going to be tricky. We think the female is pregnant again, so we’ll need to move her separately from her mate and their foal and they’re not going to like that.”

Ben made a face in sympathy before Jinn waved him off to make it to lunch in time after profuse thanks.

Poe, as was his wont, was a freaking nuisance about it all.

“No. You can’t dress up as a Hippogriff and charge at the students,” Ben insisted once he’d told Poe the arrangement, dropping into the seat across from him in the Great Hall and starting in on the bowl of lamb curry Poe slid over to him.

“Dude, I saved you _curry_.”

“I know, and I love you buddy, but no way. I’m not gonna let you traumatise a bunch of kids!”

“Why does Poe want to traumatise kids?” Finn’s mystified voice asked from behind Poe’s shoulder. Poe went very still (Ben had totally seen Finn coming over but Poe had been too distracted with ideas about scaring Ben’s students to let him get a word in to warn him).

“Why does Poe ever want to traumatise anyone? It’s cos he’s a dick,” Ben countered, concentrating on scoffing his food and letting his eyes flick to Hux, just once. Okay twice. Three times.

Poe had recovered by the time Ben paid him attention again, and was grinning suavely up at Finn, his usual charming self.

“It’s character building! Teaching them a healthy fear of dangerous creatures!”

Finn shook his head, laughing, then waved goodbye as Rey called him from by the doors.

“Stop staring at his ass,” Ben scolded Poe, still trying to shovel as much food into his mouth as he could.

“I literally physically cannot.”

“Come on, I’ve got to get to Alchemy, and you have Transfiguration, quit screwing around.”

“What about a Centaur, I could be a Centaur,” Poe called after him as they separated at the stairs to the fourth floor. “Centaurs are punk bitches. They’re not scary!”

“No!”

In what was apparently another theme of the day, Professor Erso kept Ben after class too, to make a plan for when Ben would resubmit his failed essay and when he would be free to catch up the classes he would miss next week. Ben scowled down at the timetable Jinn had given him for the following week, realising he would only have one evening free to see Hux, if he was lucky.

“Uh, let’s see,” he mumbled, his eyes flicking from his own teaching sessions to Erso’s list of available time slots. “7pm on Tuesday, Sir?”

“Sure. Best of luck with this, Ben. We staff are all very interested to see how you get on,” Erso’s smile was probably supposed to be encouraging, but Ben just felt a flicker of indignation as he packed his papers up.

“Why does everyone know everything about me before I do?”

“Yoda calls daily meetings to discuss you, particularly.”

“What?! Really?”

“No, that was a joke. You’re late for Ancient Runes, Ben.”

*

By Friday night Ben was an anxious mess; he burst into Hux’s office fifteen minutes early than their usual time, just to have somewhere new to pace. Hux raised his eyebrows at him but didn’t comment as Ben circled the room, trying to burn off energy.

“What do you even say to kids anyway?!” He demanded without warning, startling Hux into tipping over his bottle of red ink.

“They’re 13 and 14-year-olds, it’s not difficult. Wave a Porg in their faces and try to keep their attention away from gossiping about who likes who and how terrifyingly awesome Rey Palpatine allegedly is.”

“Is that what kids talk about?”

“Seems to be. Just don’t get any of them killed and you’ll have done your job,” Hux shrugged, as he finished cleaning the ink spill.

“I dunno if I should have agreed to this,” Ben muttered, finally dropping into his usual seat across from Hux.

“Then tell Jinn you’ve changed your mind.”

Ben scowled at him, “You’re supposed to encourage me that I’ll be fine.”

“Am I?”

“You’re so annoying,” Ben snapped, but Hux was smirking at him as he tidied his papers away.

“Stop whining and get undressed. I’ve got a few ideas that will make you feel better.”

After, when Ben was soaked in his own sweat and groaning as he slid his fingers free of himself, Hux actually offered some useful advice, once he’d cleaned up Ben's mess.

“Spend this weekend going over Jinn’s lesson plans and stick to them. Don’t overthink it. How is the week structured?”

For what felt like the millionth time, Ben dug into his bag for the schedule once he’d clambered off the desk and stretched out his limbs.

“So, um… right Monday, I got third year Gryffindors and Slytherins for first period, ah fuck. Fathiers are easy though… I got my private class with Professor Andor after that, then lunch. Then Porgs with the fourth year Ravenclaws and Gryffindors… oh man, this is going to be rough.”

“Oh, chin up. It’s only one week.”

Ben made a noise of acknowledgment, already skimming through Jinn’s notes.

“It’s going to be more complicated than I thought,” he admitted.

“If it helps, I’m betting good money you’ll be amazing.”

“Don’t tell me there’s a pool?” Ben asked, as he finally got around to dressing.

“Your uncle started it,” was the far too cheerful response.

*

After a weekend spent studying Jinn’s notes, in between several drinking sessions with Poe alone in their room (spiced wine, which they hated but drank two bottles of anyway), Ben felt kind of ready.

Monday morning saw him trying not to cringe while a troop of baby third year Gryffindors and Slytherins bawled insults back and forth at each other as they descended upon him in the Fathier paddock. The herd leader stood next to him, snuffling as his hair, and Ben wrapped a hand around his leg to comfort himself.

All in all, he learned that 13-year-olds were mostly little assholes who only cared about showing off and having fun. But he kept them all uninjured, after imparting the lesson to never walk behind a Fathier if it didn’t know you were there (that happened the hard way, when he just managed to snatch one Gryffindor girl out of the way of a swift back kick at the last instant). Luckily, that made him a hero in the eyes of the class, and they shut up and paid attention after that. He ended the lesson by letting them ride the Fathier, only after promising him twenty times to listen to everything he said – which, surprisingly, they did. The Fathiers, for their part, didn’t care how many children they were surrounded by or who was perched on their backs, they just liked running.

The female Ben had helped birth and heal from the Murtlap bite followed him like a shadow, trying to nuzzle him for pats whenever she could. He stroked one of her ears as the kids collected their stuff and headed off to their next class, all of them seeming to want to wave to him and call goodbye.

His private class with Andor after that was simple enough, and he found it much easier to concentrate without Poe hanging off his shoulder, even though an equal part of him already keenly missed his friend. Two hours apart while on school grounds was kind of rare for Ben and Poe.

Poe evidently thought the same; he threw himself at Ben for a hug when they reunited in the Great Hall and talked a mile a minute to make up for their time apart.

“How were the babies? Were they mean? Did they hurt you?” Poe demanded, when he’d finally finished talking about how boring Herbology and Transfiguration had been without Ben (Ben decided not to remind him he didn’t take Transfiguration; it was nice to be missed).

“It went fine? One girl almost got kicked walking behind a Fathier literally right after I said don’t walk behind the Fathier, but I got to her in time. She’s fine.”

“Oh, Merlin. Did she swoon into your arms?”

“Don’t be weird. Don’t make it weird.”

One of the bread rolls it turned out his uncle had been throwing at him to get his attention (Luke was such a child sometimes), finally got Ben in the back of the head (Phasma and Windu cheered).

Luke insisted on waving him over when Ben turned around to glare at him, so Ben took his sandwich with him so he could eat while getting interrogated.

“How did it go?”

“Fine?” Ben chewed his mouthful of roast beef and mustard, then rolled his eyes again when Poe leapt up onto his back, legs winding around his waist. All the High Table, it seemed, were staring at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

“It was fine! It went fine. No one died. I did what Jinn said. All fine.”

“I heard a girl almost got kicked in the head,” Professor Erso-Andor piped up.

“Oh, come on, what the fuck!” Ben groused, before his uncle snapped at him for swearing.

“She’s fine… it was nothing… for crying out loud. Hey! Jessika! C’mere!” He called the girl in question and she came trotting up from the Gryffindor table. “Tell this bunch of gossips that you’re fine, please?”

She bounced on her feet a bit as she came to a stop next to him and seemed to think it was necessary to latch on to his free arm with both hands while she told the story.

“Professor Phasma, it was so cool!” She reported to her head of house, who like the rest of the table was all ears. Jessika bounced some more before she carried on, “There were these Fathier and Ben was all like _don’t walk behind them_ and I was like _ugh, whatever_ , so I did, because I wanted to go talk to Temmin because apparently Pallaris told him that… well it doesn’t matter, anyway, I walked behind one and then it like, tried to _kick_ me! And I was like _what_ , _oh my God_! And then Ben was just like _there_ and he like grabbed me and totally saved me and it was super awesome! Ben’s awesome!”

Ben felt Poe nod in agreement from his perch on his back.

“Can we have Ben all the time?” Jessika asked Phasma, who said ‘no’ without hesitation.

Jessika pouted, then waved Ben goodbye and bounded off to catch up with her friends who were clamouring and giggling as they left the Hall.

“My ears hurt,” Poe grumbled.

“Don’t mind her,” Phasma told him. “She speaks solely in teenage girl.”

“So. It went fine,” Ben wasn’t really sure if Jessika had helped prove his point after all, but he went back to eating his sandwich because he was hungry, and he knew Poe was eyeing it over his shoulder. The teachers, all of whom were still studying him, seemed satisfied enough.

“Off you go, then,” Professor Snoke, who taught History of Magic, waved Ben on his way. “You’ve got the fourth years next.”

Ben had purposefully kept his eyes away from Hux, not wanting to get distracted by _thoughts_ , but he shot a quick look at him before he left and got a sweet smile in return.

“That was like facing a freaking enquiry,” he grumbled to Poe as he carried him from the Hall just to dump without warning in the Entry Hall. “They’re so nosey!”

“Totally,” Poe agreed, making a swipe for the last half of Ben’s sandwich, forcing him to hold it over his head to keep it safe.

“Fuck off. You got a free period now? I’ll see you later, then.”

Poe shot one last look of longing at the sandwich before he pelted off; Finn had just headed up the stairs in the direction of the Library, so it wasn’t too difficult to figure out where Poe would be.

*

Wednesday before lunch found Ben surrounded by another troop of kiddies, this time fourth year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, who stood in a little huddle looking cold. Ben squinted down at them, a Porg tucked under his arm. Had he ever been that short?

“OK, uh, hi, guys.”

“You play Beater,” one small Gryffindor girl informed him.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“My sister plays Beater too.”

“Does she? Great.”

“She plays for the Kenmare Kestrels.”

“Right, wow, impressive. OK, so. Porgs.” He hefted his one in his hand, balancing it on his palm. It stretched up and screamed.

Several students giggled and one boy cooed at how cute it was.

“They’re essentially useless, but yeah, they’re pretty cute,” Ben agreed, as the little creature flapped its wings and trilled again. “They’re actually protected by a Statute cos they’re pretty defenceless. Here, you guys want to hold? Just don’t ever go near any nesting mothers and babies – which look like little grey balls of fuzz. These guys are mostly harmless but twenty of them in your face at once is damn annoying.”

Should he say damn in front of kids? Was damn a swear word? As he tried to decide, lifting his own Porg up onto his shoulder where it started screaming in his ear, he noticed a flash of red hair on the bank above them.

Hux was watching him, an odd smile on his face, as he walked by with a troop of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor sixth years all holding baskets of potions ingredients from the greenhouses.

When Hux actually winked at him, Ben was so shocked he skidded in the snow a little, some of it splattering up his robes. Nerves grated beyond saving, Ben took the one course of action he really shouldn’t.

“Can I help you, Professor?” He called up the bank as the kiddies scrambled around with the Porgs at his feet.

Hux just shook his head, still smirking, looking Ben up and down.

“Is getting covered in snow some sort of new teaching practice I am yet to hear of?”

“I slipped,” Ben snapped at him; Hux only grinned wider. “Now if you’ll excuse me. I’m very busy.”

Hux stuck around, to Ben’s annoyance, for the whole class. Well, he made trips back and forth with his students between the castle and the greenhouses, sometimes in the company of Professor Andor, during which they would stand together at the top of the bank and shamelessly critique Ben’s attempts at keeping both the Porgs and the kids in one piece (Several students got away from him to go sliding on the lake in their shoes, but Ben called his Kelpie to herd them back and yelled at them for ten minutes until his voice got hoarse).

When the hour was up, Ben shooed the kids away and returned the Porgs to their crates, clambering up the bank and levitating them behind him to return to Jinn’s office.

Hux was waiting for him, having finally sent all his students away too. He stood with his nose buried in the collar of his dark robes, and Ben could practically hear him smirking.

“Found your calling?”

“Is damn a swear word?”

“You swore in front of the children?”

“Well that depends on whether or not damn is a swear word.”

Hux rolled his eyes and Ben took the time to sidle a little closer and slide his own hands into Hux’s coat pockets, reaching for whatever he could get a grip on and squeeze.

“Mr. Solo...”

“What? It’s windy. I’m cold.”

“Behave. I’m glad I caught you, anyway. I needed to tell you I won’t have time to see you tonight, after all,” Hux’s voice was low but still his eyes flicked about, checking for anyone that might overhear.

“Oh,” Ben couldn’t hide the way his buoyant mood felt like it deflated with those words. “Oh, okay.”

“I have far too much on my plate at present, unfortunately.” Hux was watching Ben's reaction play out on his face with a furrowed brow.

“Right. Right. OK.”

“I’ve upset you.”

“No,” Ben said, hoping if he said it firmly enough it would be true. “I mean, I’ve been holding out for it for days, but whatever, you don’t want me, that’s fine.”

“Oh, for crying out loud. When did I say that?”

“You didn’t have to!”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Great, wow, ridiculous, am I? That’s just wonderful, thanks so much. Is that why you don’t want me tonight?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth! You’re purposefully misconstruing what I said!”

“I don’t give a fuck about anything you say,” Ben spat back, because when he went for it, he really went for it, apparently. “You’re too busy tonight? I’m too busy all week, see if I care!”

He yanked his hands free and turned on his heel, ignoring the betrayed hurt on Hux’s face and stomped off to Jinn’s office, where he shouldered open the door and found his uncle, Jinn and Professor Kenobi drinking what smelled suspiciously like ale and chuckling away over a game of cards.

“What the fu…”

“Ben!” His uncle greeted him jovially.

“I thought you were supposed to be picking up the Aethonans from Stornoway!” Ben snapped at Jinn, who sipped his drink and looked momentarily confused.

“Was that what I said I was doing? I wish,” his tone turned wistful. “I love Aethonans. And Stornoway is lovely.”

"Do you know I've never been," Kenobi replied idly, his eyes still on his cards.

Before Ben had time to start yelling about why the heck they’d messed him around, his uncle stood, wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him from the office.

“The boy’s certainly not a Ravenclaw,” he heard Kenobi say before Luke pulled the door shut.

“Hey! What?!”

“Relax, relax, relax,” Luke patted at his back.

“Luke what the fu…”

  
“Shhh, don’t even worry about it. Look, Jinn had some stuff to attend to, so we needed your help. Just don’t worry about it, alright? Stick with the arrangement and do the classes for the rest of the week, you hear me? There’s a good lad.”

“Wait, where are you going?”

“I left a bottle of spiced wine back there, I’m lucky if those two haven’t already polished it off,” Luke waved to him then turned and trudged back to the cabin.

Hux had disappeared too, not that Ben even _cared_. He stomped back to the castle alone, fuming at why the intention of every person in the whole damn place seemed to be to treat him, specifically, like a damn lackey.

*

It took just half an hour for him to feel so regretful over being a prick to Hux that he got nauseous. He slipped into Hux’s office much later that evening after not being able to eat dinner nor fall asleep.

Hux glanced up from the array of parchment on his desk, albeit briefly, to fix Ben with a long, unimpressed look.

“Benjamin, as I warned you earlier this afternoon, I am exceedingly busy.”

“Yeah, well… I won’t be long. I just wanted to apologise. It’s been a weird week.”

Hux made a little hum in agreement, eyes already back on what he was scribbling, the beginning of his parchment scroll almost reaching the floor beyond his desk.

“Right. Well. I’m sorry. I am. I’m really sorry. I was on edge and you had been watching me and it was hot and I just…”

“I thought you liked it when I watched,” was the droll response, which turned Ben appropriately red.

“Ahem, I, ah, I meant it when I said I’d been holding out for being with you all week. I was really looking forward to it, but… I shouldn’t have behaved like a dickhead. So. I am sorry, again, and uh, in the future I’ll try not to be quite that lame if you tell me you’re too busy.”

“That would be appreciated. And I apologise if my presence was unwelcome while you were trying to concentrate on the students. Perhaps you now know a little of what I feel during your classes, hm?” Hux’s lips quirked in a smile. “I did not intend to distract or upset you. I just wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to see you.”

Ben nodded to himself as he headed back to the door and slipped out without a second glance, feeling the ball of tension in his chest dissipate away. He was just pulling the door shut quietly when Hux called him back.

“Benjamin?”

“Yeah?” He poked his head back through to see Hux already moving after him, a wrapped gift in his hands.

“Your birthday present, for tomorrow. Safer to give it to you now.”

“Does that mean I can open it now, too?” Ben asked, slowly taking the small box, trying to discern its contents from its simple blue wrapping paper. He’d forgotten about his birthday.

Hux just shrugged. “If you like, but don’t open it here. Or in front of Poe. Or in front of anyone, if you please.”

“Thank you,” Ben told him, looking back down at it. “I didn’t expect anything… wait, why can’t I open it here?”

“Because I don’t have time to deal with your inevitable reaction.”

“You got me something kinky!” Ben crowed, ignoring Hux’s immediate facepalm.

“Tell the whole bloody castle why don’t you?!”

Ben let out a whoop of pure, incredulous delight and hurtled off down the corridor to that same abandoned classroom Hux had found him in those months ago.

He knew what it was instantly, as soon as he unwrapped it, and his heart started hammering in delighted anticipation. The plug was silver, ribbed with alternating smooth and textured metal, a large emerald set into the flared base.

Slowly, holding it reverently in his hands, he wandered back to Hux’s office.

“Can you not wave that thing around in public,” Hux, who was now back at his desk, hissed at him.

Ben ignored him. “Holy shit. Can I try it now?”

“No, you absolutely may not.”

“Why not?!”

“It’s not your birthday yet. And I have far too much work to do to be distracted by knowing you’re larking about the castle with… that… inside you.”

“Oh, that’s bullshit!”

“Watch your mouth. You will use it when I say, for as long as I say, or you won’t use it at all.”

“Fine,” Ben groused, his sulk only lasting a few moments before he grinned again. “It’s my birthday tomorrow, can I try it then?”

“I don’t think that’s the best idea. There is far too much going on for you this week. Do you really want to stand in front of troops of small children in such a state?”

“Guess not,” Ben grumbled.

“When things are back to normal,” Hux promised. “Something for us to look forward to.”

“You promise?”

“Merlin strike me down, but yes. I promise.”


	6. February

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My betas are the best thing that's ever happened to me. So thank you so much to tumblr users @akoya-pearls, @saxgoddess25 and my parabatai @whosthathufflepuff.  
> Come @ me on tumblr: https://jean----ralphio.tumblr.com

It wasn’t until well into February that Hux finally let Ben try the plug. Because he was a sadistic prick, Hux insisted on waiting until Ben had finally gotten over the trauma of trying to impart knowledge onto Jinn’s little students, was back on track with his own classes and homework, and had pulled his grades up to something vaguely respectable.

A note in scarlet ink had been tucked into his hand overnight, somehow, which Ben discovered when he woke on a frosty Friday morning to find it clenched in his fist. _Wear it to class today_ , it read, in Hux’s slanted cursive. Ben’s heart leapt into his throat in excitement as he clambered out of bed – Potions was his first class this morning, in exactly one hour.

Encouraging Poe to go to breakfast alone without letting slip why was a battle and a half. His best friend knew only a little about how things were playing out between Ben and Hux, and Ben intended to keep it that way. He hated lying to Poe, but this wasn’t likely to be something his best friend would even _want_ to know about, so Ben shooed him out the door by claiming he had an essay for Alchemy to finish. He had to stamp down pretty hard on the fissure of guilt in his belly that insisted Poe going to the Great Hall without him was just _wrong_ (it was harder than it ought to be).

Poe, ultimately, would be fine.

Ben, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure he was going to come out of this experience alive. Or sane.

As instantly turned on as Hux’s note made him, it took a while for Ben to gather his courage to dig the plug out from the bottom of his suitcase. He’d never had anything more than two of his fingers inside himself, and that was always with Hux there to guide him, talking to him, praising him. Ben went slow, forcing himself to calm down his excitement enough so that he could prep himself properly. Taking his lubed fingers was easy enough, but it was difficult to focus on actually stretching himself for the plug, instead of just having fun.

When he finally couldn’t wait any longer, he took a deep, shuddering breath and eased the plug inside, his body allowing it to sink in slowly all the way to the jewelled base. He lay back on the bed as he adjusted to it, groaning loudly as he felt the cool metal start to warm up inside him, rubbing sweetly with every heaved breath. When he came just a few moments later, one hand curled tight around his cock and working it frantically, it was so good his toes curled.

Climbing from the bed, dressing and walking to the door, once he’d cleaned up, was more difficult than he’d thought it would be. The plug shifted with every step, lovely and heavy, sending confused messages to his tired cock that it was time to go again, now, please. Getting down the stairs had him gritting his teeth when he finally made it to the bottom. He was lucky the Potions classroom lay so close to the Slytherin common room because stumbling in with a raging erection from the trip would have been really awful.

“Twenty points from Slytherin. See me after class, Mr. Solo,” Hux couldn’t look more disinterested in him, when Ben finally staggered into class ten minutes late (though mercifully not displaying the effects of the plug). Ben knew better, anyway; the soft blush on Hux’s face warmed him straight through, and the way Hux’s eyes lingered on him, molten and hazed, were only adding to his thrill.

Hux was not a complete asshole about it all (surprisingly). Rather than forcing Ben to spare the concentration to brew anything in such a state, the unsuspecting class spent a very boring hour reading through chapters of their textbook. Well, Ben just stared blankly at the same sentence on the need to maintain a steady simmer when brewing the Draught of Peace and tried to focus on keeping very still on his stool. Hux even turned a blind eye to Ben eating the bacon sandwich Poe had smuggled him from breakfast (and Poe sleeping through the entire class with his head pillowed on Ben’s elbow).

Poe shot Ben a suspicious look that involved a lot of weird eyebrow wiggling and facial expressions as class was dismissed at the end of the hour, but Hux was quick to wave him on his way with a few low threats, and locked the door behind him. Ben was already rocking helplessly on his seat when Hux reached him, a desperate whine that Ben couldn’t have bit back if he’d tried coming from low in his throat.

Hux helped him climb off the stool but Ben staggered against the table, clutching it until his knuckles were white with the effort to keep from throwing himself at the man and begging Hux to fuck him.

“I know, my lovely, I know, come with me, not here, you did so well my lovely, not here, come on…” Hux succeeded in towing Ben behind him by his sleeve. Ben stumbled after him, every step causing the plug to shift inside him, turning his breathing into harsh pants and making his vision swim.

"So good," he whimpered as the plug pressed against his prostate for the millionth time. "I can't..."

"You're such a good boy, lovely," Hux murmured as he hurried him from the classroom.

Ben expected them to stop in Hux’s office, but Hux kept on pulling him, all the way through the door in the back which led to a small sitting room. Hux’s bedroom lay beyond and he finally let Ben go only after all three doors they had passed through were locked fast.

Ben struggled out of his clothes, still whimpering, before Hux ordered him onto the bed on his hands and knees. When he finally climbed on to it, Ben pressed his face into the dark grey blankets and wailed freely, letting his hips rock back to keep the plug moving inside him.

“Good boy, such a good, sweet boy. How does it feel? Any pain or tearing?”

“It feels so amazing,” Ben croaked back. “It's. So. Fucking. Good. It hurt so good pushing it in.”

Hux made a soft noise of acknowledgement behind him and Ben looked over his shoulder in time to watch him reach out and brush the tip of a finger over the emerald.

“You did so well. But it’s time to take it out now, my lovely.”

“I don’t want to,” Ben tried to keep the whine from his voice. “I like it.”

“I know you do. But you can’t keep it in for too long. If you damage or tear yourself, how are you going to explain that to Madame Kanata?”

Ben pouted, then lifted his ass higher, offering himself.

“You take it out then.”

Hux laughed at that, his face lit up with genuine amusement as he sat down on the bed next to him. Ben turned his cheek against the blankets to keep scowling at him.

“I would love to. But no, I’m not falling for that. Come on now, take it out and get off to class. I don’t need Professor Windu skulking about the place looking for you.”

Ugh, Ben had forgotten about Ancient Runes. He pouted one more time but Hux just shook his head at him. “Go on. Out.”

“Fine,” Ben grumbled, reaching back with one hand to grasp the base, his other hand wrapping around his pulsing cock for the second time that morning. He bit into the soft linen under him as he eased the plug out, purposefully letting the widest part of it linger before he finally pulled it free, enjoying the sweet pain as it stretched him. He wasn’t sure who was panting harder, him or Hux. When it was finally out, he whimpered at both the loss and the delicious ache it had left behind, dropped it on the bed between them and rolled over onto his back to stroke himself properly.

“Let me see you,” Ben begged, but Hux shook his head no, reached to brush some of Ben’s hair from his eyes. “Please!”

“Can’t,” Hux gritted back, all flushed cheeks and fluttering eyelids even as he slid his hands down to his crotch. “I don’t think I’d be able to keep myself off you if I did.”

Ben didn’t have the breath in his lungs for anything more than a grumble that Hux always criticised _his_ self-control, then could do no more than whimper his longing in the short distance between them.

“Oh, my lovely, lovely boy, that’s it, yes…”

Ben thrashed about against the blankets as he stroked himself, one finger tugging at his eager hole, too far gone to need any lube. He sobbed Hux’s name as he came, arching off the bed and clenching helplessly around his finger.

“Good boy,” Hux moaned as he watched. “Always such a good, lovely boy for me.”

Hux was still rubbing himself through his robes as Ben slowly regained the mental clarity to sit up. He cast a long look at the beautiful sight Hux made on the bed as he stood and pulled his clothes back on. He was definitely late for class.

“You don’t know how badly I just want to – “

“I suspect I do,” Hux bit back. “Go.”

“You never let me watch,” Ben grumbled as he yanked his jumper back over his head and started doing up his robes.

“And I won’t, not until you graduate,” Hux vowed, though he was undoing his own robes, matching Ben button for button in the opposite direction. “Now leave me to die in peace.”

“You complained at Jinn for making me late,” Ben muttered to him as he headed to the door, stole one last glance at Hux’s hand disappearing inside his trousers even as the man sat up to watch him go.

“Ugh, please don’t say that name at a time like this! Go to class!”

“Hate you,” Ben called, grinning as he shut the door.

The thump of a shoe against the wood probably meant Hux hated him more, but the cries of pleasure that echoed through the door mere moments after heavily suggested otherwise.

Ben was twenty minutes late to Ancient Runes and landed himself a detention that had never been so worth it.

*

Everything went to shit the following day because Ben couldn’t have nice things in his life.

It was a Hogsmeade day, and he and Poe dawdled about the streets, skidding and shoving each other on all the patches of ice they could find. Poe had appropriated a bottle of rum from he-wouldn’t-say-where, (probably Uncle Luke’s office), and they’d shared a few mouthfuls each in the safety of their room earlier before departing.

“To combat the cold,” Ben had insisted, and Poe had saluted him with the half-full bottle in response.

Now, they were in the giddy (tipsy) sort of mood that Saturdays at Hogsmeade always brought; Poe lost it in a giggling fit when Ben skidded on a patch of ice and fell headfirst into a snowbank, then proceeded to copy him seconds later. They were still giggling as they ducked into Dervish and Bangs, because Poe had spotted Finn through the window and couldn’t resist his insatiable need to occupy the same space as him, even though he was still too chicken to just start a conversation like a normal person.

They trailed Finn and Rey out onto the street ten minutes later and headed around the corner towards Main Street, intent on getting to the warmth of the Three Broomsticks. Walking almost face first into Han Solo was, all things considered, a bit of a surprise.

“Ben!”

It was the excitement in his voice that shocked Ben more than anything else. His father, when he appeared out of a side alley and grasped his shoulders, looked _happy_.

“… Dad?”

“Son! It’s so good to see you!” Han squeezed his shoulders, gave his hair a ruffle.

“Yeah?” Ben said weakly, not knowing what else to say. “It’s been a long time.”

A part of him (a part that felt oddly traitorous to his uncle), initially lurched in joy at seeing his father. A far larger and less childish part (in a voice that sounded like his mother), whispered that it had been over ten fucking years since Ben had last clapped eyes on the man, and that this was not right.

Poe stood off to one side, looking between Ben and Han in confusion. Ben didn’t know what to say.

“You got my letter, son? That favour I asked?” Han’s eyes were intent on his face.

Yeah, there it was, the sting, the hurt, the same old same old that Ben should have been steeling himself for. Han wanted something. But he didn’t want Ben.

“You’re not allowed here, Han,” Luke’s voice rang out suddenly in the street behind them, breaking through Ben’s reverie. How Luke had known, where he’d appeared from; who would ever really know? He probably had some sort of Han-is-fucking-Ben’s-life-up senses that had started tingling and had apparated straight to the source.

Ben tugged free of his father’s hands and grabbed Poe’s elbow, feeling better and more at ease with every step he took towards his uncle. Luke stood in a duelling stance in the middle of the street, the wind whipping his cloak around him. When he reached him, Luke wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulders and pulled Poe behind them.

It was the intensity of Luke’s protectiveness over the pair of them that started to curl nervousness in Ben’s belly, through the shock. Han was a crap father, a crap husband, a criminal – but why was Luke behaving so nervously? Han couldn’t – _wouldn’t_ – hurt anyone. Would he?

“Aw, Luke, come on! I have a right to see my son!” Han looked annoyed.

“I’m not your son,” Ben told him, without thinking about it. “Not really.”

“What are you talking about! Ben, don’t be ridiculous!” Han tried to laugh it off, and Ben felt his confusion start to steel itself, to harden, to narrow its focus into anger.

“I told you I’m not interested in you. I didn’t read your letter; I don’t want any contact with you! I haven’t seen you since I was six. You walked out when I was two. _Two_! You’re not a father to me! You never have been!”

“Go back to the castle,” Luke told Ben quietly, squeezing his shoulder. Luke’s eyes were cold with suspicion as he appraised Han. Behind them, Poe opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again. He looked scared.

In a louder voice Luke called to Han, “You can’t be here, Han. You’re a known criminal. You’re not allowed this close to Hogwarts and its students.”

“Oh, for the love of… Luke, don’t be absurd! You’re my brother-in-law! What am I going to do, corrupt the youth?! I just wanted to see my son!”

“He doesn’t want to see you. And my sister filed for divorce from you 15 years ago. You’re not our family anymore, and that was entirely your choice. You walked away. You abandoned him. You’ve made no effort to be there for him.”

“Look,” and there was Han, the real Han; dismissive of anyone’s feelings but his own, refusing to take responsibility for any hurt he caused. “Look, I’m going to see my boy whether you like or not, Luke, so why don’t you just butt out, huh?”

Luke shifted forward to plant himself firmly in front of his nephew as Han moved towards them. As Ben stared at him, feeling his hatred thicken, Han’s laidback mask evaporated into a sneer – he was angry at not immediately getting his way. It was that look of pure disgust directed at his uncle, at the man who _had_ raised Ben, that did it. The anger in Ben’s chest spread through him until his temples throbbed and his vision was red; he let go of his protective grip on Poe, ducked easily under Luke’s outstretched arm, and punched Han in the face.

“Stay the fuck away from me!” He hissed as Han staggered back into the wall of the bookstore with a grunt. “JUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY. I don’t want anything to do with you, just like you never wanted anything to do with me; not now, not ever. You’re not a father to me! Luke is! So, don’t you dare talk to him like that, and don’t you _ever_ come near us again!”

From behind Luke, Poe stood with his hands over his mouth, looking terrified. It was then that Ben realised he was holding his wand, though he had no memory of how it had gotten to be in his hand or when exactly he’d raised it to point at his father’s throat.

“Ben,” Luke’s voice was the wheedling sort of tone one would use on a frightened animal. “Put your wand away, Ben.”

Ben lowered it slowly, looking back down at his father, at the shock on the man’s face. “Don’t come near me, or my Mum, or Luke, ever again. Do you understand me?”

Then he was wheeling away and storming back up the path to the castle before anyone could stop him. He still hadn’t calmed down when he burst into Hux’s classroom, only it took just one look at the man for his rage to morph into agony.

Hux stared at him in surprise, eyes flicking from his flustered face to his knuckles, which Ben hadn’t noticed until then were bleeding.

“Please,” and by the Force did Ben feel stupid for the sudden onslaught of tears. Swiping angrily at them did little to help as he staggered across the room. “Please I just… I know you can’t touch me… I’m sorry… I- I’m sorry… but I need you to… I really need you - “

Hux dropped the jar of essence of daisy root he was holding, and came to him instantly, took him in his arms despite the stupid rules. Ben was struggling for breath, struggling against his own tears, but the hands carding through his hair and stroking down his back helped.

“Shh, shh, shh, my lovely. Shh, it’s OK, you’re alright. I’ve got you.”

Ben pitched himself onto Hux’s shoulder at that, buried his face into the warm skin of his neck, and tried to pull in ragged breaths.

“What’s happened? Are you alright? Did something happen, my darling?” Hux’s voice betrayed his panic; Ben pressed himself closer, wanting to climb right inside him where it was safe and never leave.

“It’s my father,” he finally managed to grit out. “I’ve just seen him at Hogsmeade. He came to find me.”

Hux went stiff and his voice became deadly, though he didn’t stop stroking Ben’s hair. “He accosted you? Hurt you?”

“No.” Ben lifted his head to look in Hux’s eyes, not wanting to worry him. “No, he just wanted to see me. Or… he wanted something… I was supposed to do something for him, I think. He wrote me a few weeks back, but I ignored him, I burnt it. I hadn’t heard from him in _years_ , and he just expected…”

“Where is he now? He’s not allowed so close to the school.” Hux looked angry, eyebrows drawn in consternation, hands stilling in Ben's hair to slide down and cradle his face. Ben wasn’t ashamed to completely revel in the touch, closing his eyes as his breathing calmed.

“I don’t know. I was with Poe, in Dervish and Banges. We were only there ‘cos Poe was mooning after Finn like a complete tool, as usual. Then Finn and Rey left, so we left, because Poe is low-key stalking him, because he’s super weird. Anyway, my dad was outside. He just sprang up out of nowhere and grabbed me and said he needed to talk to me. I don’t even know what he wanted, I told him to get lost. He’s never wanted me so why should I want him? Then Luke was there and I just… my dad started insulting him and I- I- lost it, a bit?“

Merlin, he needed to find Poe and apologise. He’d lost his shit completely. His only friend did not deserve to have to stand there and witness Ben freaking out like that.

“I hit my dad,” Ben admitted. Hux’s eyes widened in surprise but he didn’t say anything, just reached up to continue smoothing Ben’s hair back.

“Aren’t you angry at me?”

“No. I don’t condone violence, but you felt threatened. I would never be angry at you for defending yourself. Especially against someone who’s been such a source of torment to you.”

Ben sighed, still anxious about Poe.

“Uncle Luke is taking care of it. I hope this is the last I ever have to see of him. Look, I think I scared the shit out of Poe, I need to go see he’s OK. But… can I come back, later?” Ben blushed despite himself. He wanted nothing more than to stay right where he was, in the safety of Hux’s arms, but the thought of how shocked and freaked out Poe must be feeling was overwhelming.

“Of course, my lovely boy,” Hux touched his cheek. “Go and find Mr. Dameron. You’ll feel much better once you do. I’ll ask Scyre to see if Luke needs any help. And I will be right here if you need me after. I will always be here.”

Ben felt warmed right down to his toes. Hux’s patronus, which took the form of a fox, walked with him as far as the entry hall, where it twined around his ankles briefly before it sped up the stairs to wherever Professor Phasma must be.

He found Poe making the trek back up to the castle alone, though Finn and Rey were trailing not too far behind him, arm in arm. Finn was shooting desperate looks at the back of Poe’s head. So that was something.

Poe saw Ben trudging toward him through the snow and faltered a little, stopped for a moment. His best friend looked wary, but eventually forged on to meet Ben under a fir tree. A load of snow slid from a branch and dumped itself down Ben’s neck as he stopped under it, but he probably deserved worse. As Ben cringed and hissed at the cold, Poe’s lips quirked in a smile, before he remembered himself and resumed a sombre expression.

“Look,” Ben mumbled to him, even as he swiped snow out from his coat collar. “I’m really sorry about earlier. I behaved like a real jerk. My dad… seeing him again kinda… triggered me?”

“Yeah, no shit, buddy,” Poe reached out with his usual easy affection, to help get more of the snow out of Ben’s clothes. “You shocked me, to be honest. The whole thing was just…. Some fella pops up out of nowhere, he and Luke start yelling at each other, you hit him! I didn’t even know you could throw a punch!”

“I’m sorry,” Ben told him again, but Poe just shrugged, his own feelings laid aside in the face of Ben needing him. But Ben couldn’t let that happen. Not again. Not for the millionth time.

“No, Poe. You gotta listen, man. I… you know a lot already about my past, my childhood, my family. But you don’t know everything. Heck, there’s a lot about me you don’t know at all. But I need you to know that I’m sorry for that display. I have… some issues, I guess. Dad took off when I was two, and Mum was never around much. She was always trying so hard to make a new life for herself, create a future for me that was separate from her own father’s reputation. So, it was Luke who raised me, mostly. Hearing my Dad talk to him the way he did, and having him show up just _expecting_ me to want to see him after more than a decade… anyway... I shouldn’t have behaved like that.”

“I’ve never seen you do anything like that, you were straight up going to attack him, it looked like! I mean, I know you get withdrawn and super intense sometimes. But I’ve never seen any outbursts like that, man.”

Ben understood. “The last thing I’d ever want is to push you away. You’re my best friend. My Dad will always be a sore point and watching him go after Luke like that was too much. But I’d never… even if I got out of my mind with anger, I need you to know I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“Oh,” Poe laughed then. “Oh, I know _that_ , pal! Hey, look, it’s all OK, alright? You’re my best friend, too, you know. Probably because no one else is desperate enough to put up with either of us. Your Dad’s gone by the way. Luke and Kenobi scared him off, which is lucky, ‘cos Phasma ran past me absolutely gunning it, man! Ten galleons says she would have just straight up _ended_ him!”

Poe reached his arm around Ben’s shoulders, and Ben squeezed him to his side, and they trudged back up to the castle together. Ben spotted Finn sitting surprisingly Rey-less in an alcove by the window once they ducked into the entry hall, brushing more snow from their hair and scarves. He let go of Poe instantly, but the look of betrayal on Finn’s face remained.

“So, we should probably go get to work on that Ancient Runes essay, huh?” Poe stretched in the warm air of the castle, already yawning at the thought of schoolwork. “And by we, I mean you, and then I copy it.”

“Yeah, hey, I’ll meet you in the library in like ten minutes? There’s something I gotta do first.”

“M’kay, I’ll find a table,” Poe ambled off none the wiser. Ben dithered about, pretending to fuss with his bag as he waited Poe to head up the stairs and out of sight. Then he hurried over to Finn, who was still frozen in his seat looking stunned.

“Hey,” Ben said, awkward as he always was around anyone that wasn’t Poe. “Hey, Finn, look…”

Finn peered up at him, mouth a thin line, but didn’t speak.

“That, back there with Poe? That was nothing. Well, no. It was everything. Wait, no!” Ben rushed on when Finn blanched.

“No,” Ben carried on, quieter. “No, listen, Merlin, help me. Let me start again. OK, look. Poe is my best friend. We had a… an issue earlier today, but we’re good now. What you saw, anything you’ve _ever_ seen between us, has never been anything more than friendship. The most important friendship of my life. Because Poe is quite literally my only friend in the world. So, I’m sorry if I did anything just now that might have given you the wrong idea. But I won’t apologise for being affectionate with one of the few people in this place that I love. As a friend,” he clarified for good measure when Finn didn’t react.

Finally, the Head Boy shrugged his shoulders and rubbed at his neck.

“Don’t know why you think I’m bothered, man.”

“Oh dude, you gotta be kidding me, don’t even try that!” Ben laughed at him, as Finn ducked his head and wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Try what?”

“You and Poe have been dancing around each other for years. The whole castle knows you like each other!”

“… Really? He likes me?” Finn looked shocked.

“Merlin, what the heck kind of wingman is Rey?”

“I was letting him take it at his pace!” Rey defended herself, appearing at Ben’s elbow and reaching out to slide her hands comfortingly over Finn’s shoulders. Finn wound an arm automatically around her waist, but still looked dazed.

“Yeah, and how has ‘his pace’ been working out, the past seven years?!” Ben teased as Rey giggled. “Look, Poe’s my best friend so I’m not saying shit all without his consent. But if you’d maybe like to go have an actual grown-up talk with him about your _feels_ , I know for a fact he’s in the library, thinking he’s waiting for me.”

“What do I do?” Finn seemed to feel the need to ask Rey, who rolled her eyes at Ben.

“I’m going now, bye, tell Poe I’ll see him at dinner!” Ben didn’t give Finn a chance to try and back out from passing his message on and was hurtling off down the corridor to the dungeons before he could be stopped.

Hux stood and came to meet him as he let himself through the door, face pinched in worry.

“It’s fine,” Ben told him, but certainly wasn’t going to say no as Hux reached for him anyway. “I’m OK, Poe’s fine.”

Hux rubbed his back, hands slow and comforting, and Ben closed his eyes, pressed his face into his shoulder for a long moment before Hux eased himself back.

“How are you feeling about your father now? Scyre is disappointed she didn’t get to the village in time; Obi-Wan and Luke ‘had all the fucking fun’ without her, she said.”

“She’s so badass,” Ben laughed. “I don’t think anything about my father. The guy’s a prick. I’m gonna go check on Uncle Luke in a bit. I just wanted to see you first.”

Hux made to touch him again but seemed to think better of it and just let out a sigh instead.

“I had a complicated relationship with my own father,” he divulged.

“Had?”

“He died in November. That’s where I disappeared to, that time. I went home to Ireland to arrange the funeral and sort out his estate. And do you know what? I felt absolutely nothing. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t relieved. I wasn’t happy. I just felt… numb, the whole time.”

“What was he like?” Ben asked.

There were certainly rumours about Brendol Hux and his dabbling in the Dark Arts, but Ben had never wanted to ask Hux the truth about them. His own grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, was one of most disturbingly renowned Dark wizards in recent memory. Ben knew all about the desire to distance oneself from family members who encapsulated all that was evil in the world.

“My father was an asshole. Cold. Cruel. He never wanted me, and I fucking _hated_ him. And now he’s gone.”

“You make it sound so simple,” Ben rubbed at his forehead, suddenly feeling drained.

“I got over all the pain and anger a long time ago. I have Scyre now, and Hogwarts, with all its ridiculous little idiots to try and make vaguely passable Potioneers out of. And I … I have you,” Hux blushed a bit and looked away, and Ben had never wanted to kiss him so badly.

“Anyway,” Hux carried on, eyes flicking back to Ben’s face before he pulled slowly away from him. “Go and see Professor Skywalker, like you wanted. I’ve got some work to be getting on with.”

“’Kay,” Ben murmured, not trusting his pounding heart to let himself try to say anything more.

Luke, when Ben knocked and entered his office, gathered him into exactly the sort of hug that he needed (Ben felt his bones crunch).

“You shouldn’t punch people,” Luke tried to scold his nephew when they eventually broke apart, a long time later. “I raised you better than that.”

“Yeah, you did,” Ben agreed, before they spent the rest of the afternoon playing gobstones and resolutely not talking about it.

(But Luke did demand that Poe return his bottle of rum; Ben feigned complete ignorance of the fact that it was in Poe's suitcase. He would be loyal to Luke about anything else, just not something so precious as appropriated alcohol. In his defence, the rum was really fucking good.)

*

Poe found Ben as he was making his way down to the Great Hall for the evening meal (well, he launched himself at Ben from behind a tapestry and tackled him down half a flight of stairs).

When they’d disentangled themselves and Professor Jinn, who had seen the whole thing, had healed their scrapes with a long look of disapproval at each of them, Poe hauled Ben off into the little antechamber next to the Hall that the babies were gathered in before Sorting.

Once they were alone, Poe seemed determined to bounce about like a deranged gnome. Ben waited for him wear himself out a little before he caught Poe’s eye and raised his eyebrows in question.

“Let me take a wild guess, Finn found you?”

Poe let out a high-pitched giggle and bounded over to hug him. Ben patted his back, unable to stop from laughing along with him. Poe had to keep pacing around the room, but Ben eventually got the full story out of him.

It was as tooth-rottingly fluffy as Ben had always known it would be, and so simple that he couldn’t help but shake his head in wonder that it hadn’t happened sooner.

It turned out that Finn had come striding straight up to Poe in the Library, after Rey had shoved him through the doors, and half-shrieked ‘Ben said you liked me’ in his face. Then he’d panicked and ran back out. Poe had practically upended the table in his fervour to follow him. What had followed was a very adorable confrontation in the hallway that culminated in detention from Professor Phasma for ‘unnecessarily robust’ PDA against the wall (Poe had yelled that she was trying to sabotage true love and had been given a second detention.)

Poe, luckily, wasn’t annoyed at Ben for giving his secret away; he grinned across the Hall at Finn all through dinner, in between routinely latching onto Ben’s shoulders for more hugs.

“I’m glad it’s all worked out, man,” Ben told him as they lounged on their respective beds that evening, sharing the last of the rum.

Poe’s answering grin was warmer than the drink, and Ben was pretty sure he heard him dreamily sigh Finn’s name to himself as he fell asleep.


	7. March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys rock, thank you for all the kudos and comments so far, it means a lot.  
> My betas rock too, and I'm so beyond grateful to them <3 <3 <3

As February bled into March, Ben found himself alone more and more frequently. In a way it felt almost instinctual to slip back into his natural state of solitude, that familiar territory of being forgotten, unwanted, abandoned. But he could have borne it so much better if his feelings about both Hux and Poe – those two he’d come to depend upon so heavily for entirely opposite reasons – weren’t so intrinsically palpable that he could feel them under his skin, in his veins, echoing and ebbing, waxing and waning.

Hux was constantly busy with something more than just his teaching but wouldn’t answer any of Ben’s questions about what it was. He would stroke Ben’s cheek or run fingers through his hair in apology to ease the hurt whenever he canceled one of their evenings, but as time dragged by, he became increasingly less affectionate about it. Whatever it was that he was up to, Hux spent almost all his free time hunched over his desk, scribbling on various bits of parchment, or else he flitted about between various potions bubbling away in cauldrons around his office, muttering and wringing his hands. Their time together became more and more infrequent, but Ben took whatever Hux felt he had time to give without complaining (it wasn’t like they were _together_ or _in love_ , so who was he to have any feelings on it whatsoever? He’d take the orgasms whenever Hux was willing to help him out with them, that was all it was. It was fine. Ben was _fine_.)

To make matters worse, Ben barely saw Poe, who was now rarely without Finn plastered to his side. It was cute, but also left Ben feeling awkward and intrusive; even when it was just the two of them alone in their room, all that Poe seemed to have time for in his life anymore was his boyfriend. The drawback of Ben having only one friend was that the old before-Poe loneliness was constantly wedged in his throat once again, even when Poe was within reach.

While Poe was busy with Finn (and Ben really had zero inclination to find out what they were up to), Ben hung out with Rey the first weekend of the month. He liked her just fine. The only problem was that her idea of fun tended to be along the lines of Poe’s absolute worst ideas. She tried to fight the Giant Squid in the lake and then snuck into the Forbidden forest wanting to see whether there were really Cockatrices nesting there like the rumours said, all in the space of the same hour.

He hung out with her less after that.

Ben wasn’t too sure how sweet and stable Finn managed to handle Rey. She was awesome, but her sudden zeal for detention-worthy, half-baked ideas made Ben think Finn was Rey’s voice of reason and without him she was suddenly like a puppy off the leash, all impulse and recklessness.

Things weren’t _completely_ crap though – one morning an owl delivered a letter to Ben that he had been waiting for with growing impatience, since he’d sent away for the certificate the previous month. The reply was dropped on the remnants of his toast, and he wiped crumbs off it while Poe was busy waxing lyrical about Finn.

“Have you seen his fingers, Ben? Ben, his fingers, though, I can’t even – “

“Please stop, dude,” Ben murmured as he scanned the contents of the letter, and then the certificate tucked in behind it. Poe pouted, so Ben threw a few of his crusts at him to lighten the mood, the Hall emptying as students headed off to class.

It didn’t take more than a few seconds for Poe to laugh and start swatting the crusts aside with a pepper mill as Ben threw them, hitting one so hard it flew all the way onto the High Table and landed in Snoke’s tea cup.

“Mr. Dameron! Mr. Solo, will you stop that?” Hux scolded.

“Skywalker,” Ben cut him off, enjoying the flicker of surprise on his face.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Mr. Skywalker. I just had my name changed. Mum was fine with it,” he waved the letter as he glanced at Luke, who was standing frozen next to the High Table, staring at Ben with his mouth hanging open. “I’m 18 now, anyway, so she couldn’t have stopped me. But she was happy about it. It was you that raised me, really. Not my Dad. You taught me to walk, and to fly, and you’ve been there for me more than anyone else, my whole life. So, I decided I wanted –”

He couldn’t get any more out because his throat was too tight, and besides Luke had come running over to crush Ben against his chest. Ben had been starting to stand up, but Luke got there too quick, rendering him awkwardly pinned in place in his seat, though he did eventually manage to get his arms around him to return the hug.

Opposite him, Poe was wiping at the tears streaming down his face, pepper mill forgotten in his hand. Jinn and Kenobi let out a chorus of ‘awwww’ and even Phasma was smiling.

Hux, when Ben looked at him under Luke’s arm, wouldn’t meet his eyes.

*

Ben didn’t have the heart to advise Poe against inviting Finn to their Quidditch practice that evening, but luckily Unamo put her foot down the second she spotted him and Rey sitting arm-in-arm in the stands.

“Poe! What are your adorable boyfriend and his hot best friend doing here?”

Poe grinned, a dazed sort of joy on his face. “Finn’s here to support me! And Rey’s supporting Finn!”

“They’re both the enemy.”

“Finn doesn’t play Quidditch, and we’ve already played Gryffindor this season,” Ben pointed out, trying to reason with Unamo, who could be mean when she wanted to be (which was often). Poe’s face had fallen, and Ben wasn’t having that.

“Yeah and we _lost_ ,” Unamo scowled up at Rey.

“That’s nothing to do with Finn.”

“How do we know he’s not reporting back to the Hufflepuff team,” Thannison asked, as they all kicked off from the ground. “Maybe it’s all a trick to make sure we come last?”

“Finn wouldn’t do that!” Ben insisted, but the rest of the team were all scowling.

“Argh, fine,” Poe grumbled as he flew over to hang upside down off his broom and grudgingly tell Finn and Rey to leave (an act that seemed to necessitate him having a make-out session with Finn that finally ended just as Ben was seriously considering hitting a Bludger in the general direction of Poe’s head).

Practice went fine – not smoothly, but it wasn’t completely awful either. Ben and his co-Beater, a sixth year named DJ, had a pretty good rapport with each other. They tended to keep half of the pitch covered each, and while one was usually in the thick of the action, the other was keeping him supplied with Bludgers. DJ was one of many Slytherins who’d simpered and sucked up to Ben when they were younger; Ben had brushed him off as a prick pretty soon after they had met. DJ was yet to do anything to change Ben’s mind about that.

After practice, Poe disappeared as soon as he’d showered and changed without so much as a ‘goodbye’ to Ben. Trying to ignore the sting, Ben took his time in the showers, and eventually headed up to the castle alone when he was done. He tried to distract himself by going over plays in his head, especially the slightly complicated duck and weave manoeuvre he was going to try and use against the Ravenclaws.

On a whim, he decided to visit Hux before he went to bed. He’d been pale and red-eyed during their class that day and Ben felt an almost compulsive urge to check up on him, even though he accepted the fact that he’d probably be shooed away quite quickly, as was fast becoming the norm. Sliding into the classroom, he dumped his bag of Quidditch gear on Hux’s desk as he reached to try the handle of the door to the office.

Raised voices on the other side made him hesitate, fingers curling around the metal.

“I’ve more than played my part! I’ve done everything that has been asked of me, without hesitation or complaint!” Hux’s voice rang clear through the wood.

“Oh, you’ve done far, far more than that, don’t you think? Did you think you were being subtle, Armitage? Did you think I wouldn’t find out; did you think _he_ wouldn’t find out?” That was Professor Snoke’s voice, and it was dripping with contempt.

“Find out what?”

“Just how frequently the boy spends his evenings here in this office, what else? Or does he spend them in another room in your suite, perhaps? You watch him almost too closely, it seems.”

Ben’s blood ran cold as he backed away from the door, one hand scrabbling for his bag. He all but ran out the door and didn’t stop until he was in his dorm room. Poe still wasn’t back, so Ben sat down on his bed to panic alone. BB hopped up onto his lap, but even burying his fingers in the cat’s orange and white fur couldn’t help.

Snoke knew about him and Hux – Ben didn’t know how, but he knew – and that was bad. That was very, very, very bad. He knew Luke was suspicious about Ben’s very obvious crush, and Phasma knew more than enough, but Ben had been sure they hadn’t done anything to give it away to anyone else. But if Yoda knew – surely the ‘he’ Snoke had been referring to – then why hadn’t Ben been hauled up to his office by the ear and kicked out of the school a heartbeat later?

By the Force, if he’d known they were going to be discovered and all their resisting each other was for nothing, he and Hux might as well have been fucking properly all this time to at least make expulsion totally worth it.

Groaning, Ben flopped back on his bed, wishing Poe would quit making out with Finn to spare him five seconds to talk all this over.

It sounded like Snoke had been threatening Hux too, what was that about? And what had Hux meant about playing his part?

He was still wide awake and stewing, replaying the overheard conversation in his head, when Poe slipped into their room over an hour later.

“Oh, dude, you’re still up?”

“Looks like it,” Ben muttered grimly, now resolved not to share with Poe what he’d heard out of pure spite.

“You alright, man?” Poe called from behind his curtains as he changed out of his robes.

“I’m on top of the world,” Ben said sarcastically, trying not to make a face when Poe drew his curtains back and got into his bed, yawning, and sporting an obvious hickey under his ear.

Ben’s life was falling apart, but Poe was too busy with Finn to even hang around long enough to notice.

Ben lay awake another hour before it became intolerable. He stole out from the common room around midnight, and moved quickly through the dungeon corridors, only relaxing when he was once again in Hux’s classroom.

Hux’s office seemed to be in darkness, but Ben tapped on the locked door all the same. When Hux swung it open he looked dishevelled and rumpled as he blinked at Ben in confusion. He was still in today’s clothes, but the smudge of dark ink on his cheek gave Ben the distinct impression he’d been asleep at his desk.

“It’s late, darling. What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“But why are you _here_?”

“I wanted to see you. You’ve not been eating, again.”

“It will please you to know that Scyre came by earlier in the evening and practically force-fed me dinner.”

“I came by earlier too, actually,” Ben didn’t want to lie, didn’t want to keep it from Hux. “I heard you arguing with Snoke. Does he know about us?”

Hux went very still, but wouldn’t move away from the door, so obviously Ben wasn’t going to be invited in.

“What, exactly, did you hear?”

“Not much that made any sense,” Ben rubbed his neck, feeling awkward. “Um, he pretty much said he knew about me being here so often. I freaked out and gapped it.”

“I see.”

“So…?”

“Yes. Snoke knows,” Hux’s voice had gone brusque and cold. “He thinks he can blackmail me over it, but he is wrong. You don’t need to worry about him. He won’t be an issue. Yoda still has not been alerted by the charm; therefore, we have done nothing wrong and there’s nothing to worry about.”

“OK. If you say so?” Ben wasn’t put much at ease, but if Hux wasn’t concerned…

“Kinda disappointed, actually,” he ventured, after a long silence.

Hux eyed him with something that looked a lot like hesitancy. “And why is that?”

“I kinda figured that if Yoda knew, we might as well throw caution to the wind.”

Hux’s brow creased further as he studied him in the low light. “What do you mean?”

“Well if Yoda knew, I guess I figured we might as well make the most of not having to keep our distance from each other anymore,” Ben tried again.

Hux was already shaking his head, “Don’t worry about Yoda. Everything is fine. You should get back to bed, my lovely.”

“’Kay,” Ben muttered, no other choice available to him but to leave, as Hux was already shutting the door. He dragged his feet back to his room to sulk alone at how badly Hux had missed the point.

*

It bucketed down during their match against Ravenclaw that Saturday. Ben was so beside himself with nerves and tension that he lost his head entirely; he had the distinct memory, later, of giggling frantically the whole game. It was lucky the match didn’t last too long, as the rain was fierce. It fell in sluicing sheets that Ben could barely see through as he hurtled about chasing blurs of blue, his ears peeled for the tell-tale sound of the Bludgers.

He made a few good hits with his bat; one which sent the Bludger straight into the stomach of Beaumont Kin, the Ravenclaw Seeker, who’d been diving past Ben. Ben didn’t know if Beaumont had seen the Snitch, but he wasn’t going to chance it.

As he watched, Beaumont pulled out of his dive after the Bludger hit and doubled over on his broom. (And yeah, Ben was sympathetic, okay? But he had a job to do). Circling higher, Ben gripped his broom with his knees, clutched his bat with both hands, and sent another Bludger belting towards Jannah, the Ravenclaw chaser who had the Quaffle. She rolled to avoid it, but DJ sent up the other Bludger from below, and their Chaser Mitaka got possession and scored.

“Haven’t seen the Snitch, have you?” Poe called to Ben as he swooped by.

“Nope. Stop trying to find Finn in the crowd, you might stand a better chance at catching it.”

“What?! What the fuck, man?! What’s gotten into you lately?!”

“Wouldn’t you like to know!” Ben snapped back through the rain at the drenched, Poe-shaped, green blur before him.

“OI! Have your domestic after the match, why don’t you?!” Thannison, their Keeper, roared through the rain at them.

Ben turned his back on Poe and let his broom drop; Poe went back to circling the upper zone of the pitch – probably. Ben didn’t care enough to keep watching him.

He smacked a Bludger that streaked by a few moments later at Kaydel Connix, another Ravenclaw Chaser, out of sheer malice, even though she didn’t have possession. The whistle sounded before it made contact with her broom, meaning the match was over. The Slytherins below were howling in triumph, which meant Poe must have caught the Snitch and they’d won.

Immediately regretting his action, Ben dove after Kaydel, following the sound of her scream as her snapped broom plummeted to the earth. He grabbed her about the waist when he reached her after a few metres, in enough time to lower her gently onto the ground.

“Sorry about that,” he told her, feeling like an asshole. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, clearly still in shock. Her hair had come loose of its buns and was plastered to her face and she was shaking.

Professor Kenobi, her head of house, came running up to check on her, and fixed Ben with a very unimpressed look; a look which was nothing compared to Luke’s shouting when he came storming into the Slytherin boys changing room to yell at Ben ten minutes later while he was towelling his hair dry after an unsatisfying shower.

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”

“Not going to bother answering that, because I already know you’re going to say I wasn’t – “

“BECAUSE CLEARLY YOU FREAKING WEREN’T!”

“There it is,” Ben muttered, pulling a long-sleeved t-shirt over his head. DJ was grinning, still in soaked robes, enjoying the drama. Poe hung about at the edge of Ben’s vision, but Ben ignored him too as his uncle paced and waved his arms.

“YOU COULD HAVE HURT HER, BEN!”

“I caught her in plenty of time.”

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT! IF I WAS YOUR HEAD OF HOUSE AND IN CHARGE OF THIS TEAM, YOU WOULD BE BANNED FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!”

“Lucky for me Hux didn’t deign to show up and watch, huh?”

“THIS ISN’T A JOKE, BEN! THAT HIT WAS DANGEROUS! I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD THAT YOU THINK THAT’S OK?!”

“Nor do I,” Ben was done with this conversation. He shoved through everyone that stood between him and the door and stormed out into the rain again.

Kaydel was finally being escorted off the pitch by Kenobi and Maz, and Ben jogged over to see her.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she called back through the rain, which hadn’t eased.

“I’m really sorry about that hit. That was really stupid of me. I shouldn’t have done it.”

Kaydel didn’t seem too bothered.

“It’s all part of the game,” she said with a shrug and a smile, though Kenobi’s glare made his feelings about the matter obvious.

Ben waved shortly to Kaydel and trekked back up to the castle; Luke had come barrelling out onto the pitch, too, probably to resume yelling at him, so Ben jogged ahead until he was well out of shouting range.

*

Ben was sulking alone in the dorm room, hours and hours later, having skipped dinner, when Hux came striding in.

“Finally decided to remember I exist?” Ben asked him dully.

“You’re an absolute idiot; you could have seriously hurt that girl,” was the icy response.

“Like I care what you think. Why do you care anyway? You didn’t even come to the match,” Ben told the canopy of his bed as he flopped back onto his mattress.

When he threw a glance at Hux he found him peering about the room, a look of distaste on his face; Poe’s side looked like a bomb had exploded and Ben’s wasn’t much better.

“Have the House-elves given up on the pair of you?”

Ben shrugged, “Probably. Haven’t you heard? Giving up on me is the new trend. One that you started, so you should feel proud. Take a bow.”

Hux rolled his eyes at him, because he was an immature prick too, it seemed.

“You could have seriously hurt a girl today, but I’m the asshole?”

“Yes. You’re always an asshole, in any situation.”

Hux drew himself up as he came to loom over Ben, who really couldn’t be bothered moving from where he was stretched out on his bed.

“You’re behaving like a child, and for what reason?! I haven’t had the time to watch you finger-fuck yourself lately, so you act out by endangering the life of another student?!”

Ben reared up from his prone position, his rage so sudden that it sucked the breath from his lungs, fighting the urge to punch the snarl right off Hux’s face.

“If this is how you cope with just one week without an orgasm, I suppose I ought to rectify the situation before you get any worse.”

Ben froze, eyeing Hux. He didn’t react as Hux turned and waved his wand at the door; whatever the wordless locking charm was, Ben was sure it was stronger than what an ‘Alohomora’ could open and Poe would just have to sit outside on the landing should he return. That thought cheered him.

Hux turned back to him, his face impassive.

“Well?”

“Well what?” Ben muttered, still annoyed.

Hux rolled his eyes again as he grabbed Ben’s desk chair and dragged it over to sit next to his bed.

“Undress. I haven’t got all night.”

“Yeah cos I’m feeling _so_ turned on right now,” Ben grumbled before he could stop himself. (He kinda was. He kinda always was, the second he was near Hux. But he wasn’t going to give the asshole the satisfaction of knowing that).

Hux sighed in resignation and muttered something Ben didn’t catch over the buzzing in his own ears. But to Ben’s surprise, after a long frown down at him, Hux stood and began unbuttoning his robes. Ben’s blood drained south, merrily taking his brain along with it. He could do nothing beyond gape as Hux calmly folded his discarded robes on the back of the chair and leaned down to take off his shoes and socks, undoing his belt while he was at it.

Ben bit back a groan as Hux unbuttoned his shirt excruciatingly slowly before he let it slide off his shoulders. He was breathing heavy by the time Hux was peeling his trousers down, and barely had the presence of mind to struggle out of his own shirt and jeans, trying not to break whatever spell it was that had possessed Hux to actually do this.

“Hurry up,” Hux grumbled at him, and when Ben glanced up from kicking his jeans and underwear down, he had to bite his fist to hold back what would have been an embarrassingly high-pitched moan. Hux was settled in the chair completely naked, eyeing Ben impatiently.

It took Ben a very long time to tear his eyes away from Hux’s cock, which was half-hard and gloriously flushed against his pale skin.

Hux raised his eyebrows at him, and Ben realised he’d missed a question.

“Um, what?”

“Don’t say ‘um’, it makes you sound even more idiotic. I asked if you were ready?”

“Fuck yes.”

“Don’t swear!”

“Merlin, would you shut up?” Ben muttered. “Why can’t you just fuck me? I don’t care anymore what happens; I want to feel you in me more than I want to stay here.”

“You place a lot of stock in one night with me giving you enough pleasure to make expulsion worth it.”

“You already do.”

“Prove it. Show me,” was all Hux had to say, before Ben licked his palm and wrapped his hand around himself. He sighed in delight as he settled back against his blankets, stroking himself slowly.

“Go faster.”

“You’re so annoying,” Ben huffed out, but he did as he was told. The pleasure had his brain swimming, and each stroke of his hand was curling the sweet ache tighter and tighter in the pit of his stomach.

“Faster,” Hux growled.

Ben groaned again in response, waves of sensitivity washing over him as he did as he was told. It had been well over a week and half since he’d done this, and he was aching for it.

“M’not gonna last,” he mumbled to Hux, his hips stuttering up to meet the drag of his fist.

“Then stop.”

“What?” Ben squinted at him through his hair, his body beginning to tremble as he drew closer and closer.

“Stop when you get close. I want you to edge,” Hux clarified.

“I… I don’t think I can.”

“Try. Get as close as you can then take your hands away. Just try, for me.”

Ben whimpered but tried to do as he was told; the build-up of his impending orgasm was a slow fire that felt like it was spreading through him. Stopping just before it flared made him have to clench his hands in his blankets with a shout.

“Good, that’s lovely, good boy,” Hux murmured, and Ben turned his head in his direction with a whine. Once his breathing had calmed and the angry ache dulled, Hux told him to keep going. Ben let out a grateful sob as he got his hands around himself again, using both to stroke his aching erection. His precum was helping to slick the movement and his eyes sought Hux again.

Hux wasn’t touching himself, was just watching him with a sort of helpless haze in his eyes. Ben let himself drink in the sight of him, his bare skin, the lithe muscle of his torso, his long legs. Only then did he let his gaze settle on Hux’s cock, which was hard and visibly throbbing.

“Still not going to let me watch you touch yourself?” He gritted out with the last of his spare breath, as his own cock began to pulse with need.

“I’m not going to let you do anything. Stop,” the voice was silken, smug.

“I can’t!” Ben whimpered. “Not again!”

“Stop. Right. Now.”

With a cry Ben pulled his hands away, his cock twitching helplessly, unsatisfied. His mind was fogged with need and endorphins; Hux was a hazy blur in his seat next to the bed.

“Please, sir,” Ben whispered to him, his voice cracked and ragged.

“Touch. Slowly.”

Ben whimpered another sob as he did as he was told, wrapping his hand around himself once more and dragging it slowly. He only managed a few strokes before he began to whine again and had to let his hand drop away or else he would cum without permission.

“It’s too much, it’s too much, I can’t, I need – “

“I don’t care what you need. Do as you are told. Touch.”

There was a hardness, an anger to Hux’s voice that Ben wasn’t used to. He wasn’t sure if Hux was making him nervous or turning him on even more, but he still trusted Hux to take care of him.

Ben stroked himself until he was biting his free hand to stave off the orgasm that was building once more, coiling hot and thick under his skin. Hux noticed and reached out to pull his hand out of his mouth.

“Stop that! Use your words.”

“Speech… is… a… little… difficult.”

Hux ran a hand briefly through Ben’s hair, and he tilted his head to follow the touch.

“You want to cum?”

“Yes! Please, please,” Ben writhed against the sheets, helpless under his own hand.

“I suppose two edges will have to suffice. Cum, then, since you think you need it so badly.”

Ben could only whine his relieved thanks as he did, almost completely to command.

When his vision finally cleared Hux was holding out a glass of water to him from the pitcher on his desk, his face graced with the usual soft smile.

“My lovely boy, you did very well for me.”

Ben gulped the water, his throat dry, and took a moment to sit up and gather his thoughts before he asked, “What was that?”

“What was what?” Hux looked confused and as drained as Ben felt, even as he started to dress. His cock remained completely untouched.

“I dunno. Your voice. You got kinda… different. Mean.”

“Did I? I apologise. I have a lot on my mind.”

“Seriously? We’re finally alone for the first time in 11 days, and you’re _still_ distracted? Do you not… what, do you not want to do this anymore? Do you just not want me anymore?”

Hux’s brow was furrowed. “You got what you wanted. You enjoyed it. What more do you want from me?”

“I don’t even know anymore, I really don’t,” Ben muttered in defeat, dropping back down onto his sweat-soaked sheets.

Hux finished dressing and leaned over him, a knee braced close to Ben’s hip. For a moment Ben thought he was going to kiss him, and his heartbeat sped up once more in thrilled anticipation.

Instead, Hux swept Ben’s hair back off his face, studied him with an oddly sombre expression. He brushed his thumb once over Ben’s lower lip, then was up and striding from the room.

“Go to sleep, Benjamin.”

Ben gave the door the finger as it was pulled shut, yanked his blankets over him, and rolled over to face the wall.


	8. April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... Yeah you guys are not going to like me very much anymore.  
> If you want to come yell, I'm on tumblr: @jean----ralphio
> 
> My incredible betas have been so amazing and dedicated and I <3 them forever

Ben shivered as an icy breeze swept over him, ruffling his cloak and hair as he dumped the last bundle of hay in front of the Tauntauns. He pushed the head of one towards the food when it tried to nibble at his cloak instead. Once Ben had trudged across the snowy field and was on the other side of the gate, he redid the wards around the enclosure. Ensuring Jinn’s charm that kept the field permanently encased in snow wasn’t bleeding out of the parameter was vital for the Tauntauns.

Now that April had rolled around, it meant the snow was melting quicker than it settled, which the Tauntauns didn’t like. From April through to October, Jinn maintained a charm that kept the conditions in their field reflective of their natural habitat – banks of snow and swirling gusts of arctic air, their stream so frigidly cold it was almost icing over.

It was a quiet Saturday, but Ben was reluctant to leave the pleasant sanctuary of the animal enclosures. The creatures were one of his few comforts lately, and he’d quickly agreed to do the rounds while Jinn was off doing… something. Ben had no idea what his Professor was doing at present, but Jinn had all but begged Ben to check the creatures for him. Ben had been happy to take any excuse to get out of the castle and thereby lessen his chances of running into Poe. Or Hux. Mostly Poe. But also Hux.

Ben and Poe had fallen out horrendously after the Quidditch match against Ravenclaw. A blistering row had ensued that night; they’d stood toe to toe in their room, Ben screaming that Poe had abandoned him in favour of his boyfriend, Poe howling back that he didn’t understand why Ben couldn’t be happy for him.

“I _am_ happy for you!” There had been tears in Ben’s eyes as he’d yelled, because he was so angry and so hurt. His voice had cracked with strain. “It’s awesome seeing you so happy, dude, finally, after all this time! I wish it had happened sooner! But everything is going to absolute _shit_ in my life and you don’t even notice! You’re not there for me anymore, man.”

“Because you never tell me anything!” Poe shouted back, tugging at his own hair in frustration. “I’m not a fucking Legilimens! You can’t tell me absolutely shit all about what’s going on with you, but then get mad that I don’t know what I don’t know! I can’t be constantly on standby to be your fucking babysitter!”

“Babysitter? Babysitter!! Oh, that’s rich, that’s fucking rich coming from you! How many years have I fucking been _carrying_ you?!”

“I have a boyfriend who I am so head over heels in love with! He’s my priority now. _I’m_ my priority now! So, I am sorry that whatever is going on with you and Hux isn’t going so great, but it’s not my job to always keep your head above water, man! I have other things in my life now that are important to me as well as you, so I’m not going to apologise for not continuing to spend every second running along in your wake! Things have gone south for you? Maybe you should have thought with something other than your dick before you got involved with a fucking teacher! It was never going to work out and you’re an idiot if you didn’t realise that sooner!”

Poe had stormed out before Ben could articulate a reply and hadn’t come back to their room that night. The next day Ben woke to discover Poe had moved into an empty room on his own down the hall and taken BB with him.

They hadn’t spoken since. They sat apart in classes and at opposite ends of the Slytherin table at meals, avoiding anything that may bring them in close contact with each other, and keeping crowds and classmates between them at all times.

Ben ignored the whispers from other students, the stares from the teachers as their eyes catalogued the distance between the two former best friends. Once Luke had realised something had happened between Ben and Poe, he’d taken to hounding Ben constantly (or ‘helping’, as he called it).

As Ben headed back up to the castle from the Tauntaun paddocks, Luke seemed to materialise out of nowhere as he fell into step with him.

“Talked to Poe yet?”

“Nope.”

“It’s been three weeks, Ben.”

Ben made a non-committal noise and sped up, but Luke wouldn’t take the hint.

“Have you tried seeing things from his perspective?”

“Has he tried seeing things from mine?” Ben spat back as they shouldered through the castle doors together.

“I don’t know,” Luke said smugly. “Maybe you should talk to him and find out.”

“I have a Potions essay to finish, if you don’t mind,” Ben told Luke tartly before he strode off to his dorm to get his bag and books. He tried not to look at Poe’s empty side of their room as he gathered his stuff.

Kaydel Connix was in the Library when Ben arrived, and she waved him over to join her at her table. She was a sixth year, and they had practically nothing in common, but he’d checked up on her a few times since the incident at the end of their Quidditch match and she was chill; her company was far better than being alone all the time.

(Poe was at a table in the corner with Finn and Rey, resolutely not looking at Ben, even though Rey smiled at him when he walked in and Finn had raised a hand in greeting.)

Ben tried to focus on his work; the essay was going to be a long and complex one, because Hux was a prick.

Ugh. Hux. The other source of anguish Ben didn’t want to talk to, look at, or think about.

They’d had a scant few evenings together since Hux had come to Ben in his room, and when they had been alone their continued annoyance with each other had remained palpable between them. Ben had actually expected things to smooth over after a few days, and his desire for Hux certainly hadn’t ceased. But to his disappointment, Hux had become even more withdrawn, to the point where he was practically completely uninvolved in Ben’s pleasure. Hux had barely even looked at Ben last time, had only dragged his eyes away from his notes when Ben had snapped at him that he might as well leave if Hux wasn’t going to give him the time of day.

Ben hadn’t been back to see him since, and Hux hadn’t invited him to either.

Hux didn’t pay attention to him any other time either, not in classes or in the Great Hall. He didn’t smile at him, didn’t talk to him, didn’t even really _look_ at him, even when Ben had accidentally walked into him turning a corner too quickly last week.

Hux had looked right past his left shoulder, grunted, and strode off in response to Ben’s muttered apology.

So.

It was obviously over.

The supposed feelings Hux had had for him were clearly gone, snuffed out, buried, if they’d ever existed at all. Hux obviously hadn’t meant it when he’d told Ben he wanted a proper relationship with him, that he cared about him, that he _had_ him.

Being a mature adult, Ben refused to go anywhere near Hux, or put himself in any situation where they might be alone together. He knew what would happen if he confronted Hux. The longer Ben kept away, the more he could draw out the inevitable. Hux couldn’t end it if Ben didn’t let him.

The pain of it all felt like it was eating at Ben, chewing the bottom out of his stomach, sucking all the air from his lungs. He felt constantly drained, constantly wary, constantly on edge; like he couldn’t turn in any direction without needing to keep his eyes peeled for someone he was hiding from.

Trying to pull his attention back to his essay, he scribbled a few lines on his parchment about the consistency of antidotes. He mentally fought against remembering back to last year, the detention, the failed Murtlap bite antidote, the empty classroom, the way Hux had looked at him with wide eyes, frozen in the doorway as the cry of his name had faded from Ben’s throat…

Ben scrunched his eyes up to push the vision away. To distract himself, he shot another glance over at Poe, who looked away, trying to pretend he hadn’t been shooting glances at him too. Finn rubbed the back of Poe’s hand, leaned over to murmur something in his ear. Poe nodded and smiled at him, then resolutely went back to what he was doing (which seemed to be staring at the same page in a book as he had been when Ben had first walked in, since Ben hadn't seen him turn the page).

Finn stood and headed across the room, casting a long look back at Rey, who suddenly felt the need to angle her chair to block Ben from Poe’s view. As he neared Ben, Finn shot another look over his shoulder at Poe, then surreptitiously dropped down to crouch beside Ben’s table.

“Hey, Ben.”

Kaydel startled at Finn’s voice, then raised her eyebrows at them both before she made a show of pointedly going back to her books.

“Hi, Finn,” Ben greeted him. “Whatcha doing down there?”

“Can we talk, Ben? Outside where it’s private, maybe? Not that I’m asking you to go _outside_ outside with me, you know… just like. Not here?”

Ben eyed him for a long moment, then shrugged and followed him quickly out into the hall, leaving his stuff behind to keep his seat saved.

“I don’t think Poe saw us,” Finn murmured to him as they moved a few steps down the corridor together. Ben didn’t respond, just turned to face him once they were far enough away from the library doors.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for being the reason you and Poe fell out,” Finn said in a rush, when he finally stopped shooting urgent glances down the hall and looked up at Ben properly.

“You’re not the reason at all, you did nothing wrong,” Ben shook his head, feeling bad. “Poe wasn’t being fair to me and I sure as fuck wasn’t being fair to him, but none of it is your fault, so please don’t feel like you’ve done anything wrong here. You haven’t. I got a bit jealous about losing so much of my best friend’s time and attention, because I’m stupid and selfish. I was going through something, and I really needed him. Instead of telling him that I just screamed at him for not supporting me, and now I’m scared we can’t make it right.”

“From what I understand, he certainly didn’t make it easy for you. I’ve been monopolizing a lot of his time, I know that.”

“That’s the point of a relationship though; a healthy one at least, you want to be together all the time, you’re happy… I had no right to get in his face about that.”

“All I know is that Poe really really really misses you,” Finn insisted. “He talks about you all the time. _I_ was jealous of _you_ before I started dating him and found out how he really felt about me; I’ve been jealous of you for years! He worships you.”

“He does?” Ben blinked at him, a little thrown. “He moved out of our room, I assumed he didn’t give a shit about me anymore. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, or rather, I never had all that many who cared about me to begin with. It made sense that I’d lose him too.”

That made Finn laugh, “Oh, Ben, no. You can’t love someone as much as he loves you and just have that stop after a little fight! Look, he doesn’t know I’m talking to you. I’m sure you said some things you regret when you argued. I know he did. I just wanted to say I never meant to come between you, and I really hope you guys can get past this and get back to normal soon.”

At that, he clapped Ben’s shoulder and headed back to the library. Ben stayed in the corridor for a pretty long time afterwards, leaning against the wall and trying to process his thoughts.

*

Even after his chat with Finn, it was still a surprise for Ben to walk into his room that evening and find Poe sitting on his old bed, BB on his lap. Poe put the cat down and stood up when Ben shut the door, looking awkward and out of place, wringing his hands absently like he always did when he was stressed.

“Hi,” Ben said, unable to keep the surprise from his tone. “Did you… leave something behind?”

“Nah, I… I uh… I wanted to talk.”

“OK,” Ben moved slowly over to sit on his own bed.

“Look, I’m really sorry,” Poe said in a rush. “I never meant to ditch you for Finn, it was just…”

“No, dude, I get it. I was happy for you. I still am. You have this awesome relationship with this really amazing guy and you’re excited and you want to be with him all the time, like, I _get_ it.”

“You think he’s amazing?” Poe’s grin thawed a little of the coldness that had embedded in Ben’s chest the past few weeks.

“He’s great, man.”

“He’s so great, right?!” Poe bounced on the balls of his feet a little.

“I’ve never expected you to put me first, not before Finn and certainly not before yourself,” Ben told him; Poe’s words from that last fight had reverberated in his head ever since. “I had no idea you felt that way. That was never how I viewed you, or our friendship. I’m lucky to have you as a friend at all”

“Oh, I shouldn’t have said that,” Poe waved a hand. “I didn’t even mean it. I’d follow you anywhere. But it’s hard sometimes, man. I have no idea what’s going on with you, ‘cos you keep so much bottled up, but then you’d get mad at me for not magically knowing about it! It doesn’t make sense, dude.”

“I know,” Ben rubbed at his face, his eyes stinging. “I rely so heavily on you, especially recently ‘cos everything has been going to shit, but you didn’t even know. You couldn’t have known. And I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to you about it, to say it out loud.”

“Talk about what? Say what?”

“Him. Hux.”

“What’s been going on, man? I’m sorry about what I said, about things not working for you guys. It wasn’t fair. You’ve obviously got some intense feelings for him, it’s just… it’s dangerous, man.”

So, Ben finally told him Poe what had, until recently, been going on with him and Hux (minus the more graphic details involving desk sex, butt plugs and what had happened in this very room).

Poe gravitated over to sit next to him when he was done and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“Wow. And now he’s done a complete 180 and he’s just ignoring you? I wonder what must be going down for him to completely change his tune like that. Something's not right there, man.”

“I dunno. I’m completely avoiding him. He can’t end it if he can’t catch me, right?”

Ben tried to smile but Poe just looked stricken and tightened his grip on him.

“Dude… you’ve been going through all this alone, what the fuck kind of friend have I been?”

“I’ll be fine,” Ben told him firmly. “I’m just glad to have you back.”

*

As it were, Hux caught up with him the next day. Ben had known he eventually would, he just hadn't wanted it to be so soon.

Ben had been too slow to pack up after class, held up by cleaning his cauldron out. The task had been made harder than it should have been due to the surprising viscosity of his potion; even though he’d done everything to the letter it had turned out to be exceptionally thick and thus had taken longer to clean. Poe had squeezed his shoulder before disappearing out the door with Finn.

When Ben looked up from finally finishing packing his bag, he was the only student left in the room. Hux was lingering in front of him, not meeting his eye but resoluteiy in Ben's way; that explained the weird potion.

Hux’s eyes, when he finally lifted them to look Ben in the face for the first time in weeks, were sad, his expression sombre.

Ben sighed and let himself take one last long look at him, trying to memorise his face in the last instance he had before things changed between them permanently.

“I’m sure you know what I’m about to say. Understand that I’m not saying it because I want to, but because I must.”

“You could just... not...?” Ben offered, his voice a tremor.

“I’m sorry, Ben. Things between us… it can’t carry on right now. It has to be over.”

“You said you wouldn’t abandon me!” Ben shook his head at Hux in disbelief; expecting this wasn’t making it any easier to hear and certainly wasn’t helping Ben to make sense of it. “You said… you said you _wanted_ me!”

“I did. I do. Merlin burn me alive, I do. But the fact remains, I shouldn’t have said those things. They implied a promise I cannot keep.”

“Oh, you asshole! You fucking fucking _fucking_ asshole!”

“This should never have begun, and it certainly cannot continue. It’s too dangerous now. Please understand I am trying to keep you safe. I only want to keep you safe, and I would do anything it took to ensure that. If that hurts you, I’m sorry, but it changes nothing. My feelings, your feelings… they have to come second right now.”

“Don’t do this. Please!” Ben started to stand, tried to get closer to him, but Hux backed away for every step he took. Ben reached out, imploring, in pain, but Hux just scrubbed his hands over his eyes as he turned away from him, his shoulders tense and trembling.

“We can’t do this anymore. I should never have let you - “

“Let me! Let me what?! Let me wank off in that classroom? Let me find you in the Owlery? Let me kiss you at Christmas? You don’t control me! You don’t own me! You can’t dictate how I feel! You can barely figure out how _you_ feel! But I know I love -”

“Love?!” The incredulity in Hux’s face was tangible, physical. “Love?! You do not love me, Ben. You don’t know a thing about me. You can't possibly love me!”

“I do, and I’d have loved you anyway, with or without…”

“The illegal sex I’ve been having with a student in my care?!”

“But we haven’t even had sex! Unfortunately!”

“Look, this is… just stop. We’re done. It’s over. You need to leave now.”

“No,” Ben moaned, “No, please!”

“You have to go,” Hux whispered, his voice veined with ice. “I don’t want you here anymore. Get out.”

“Don’t send me away. Don’t abandon me, please, not now, not _you_.”

“I _have_ to! I am trying to protect you, Ben, I cannot stress that enough! We’re done and you will be so much better off for it. Just forget me, forget everything. It never happened; it was all a bad dream. Keep away from me from now on,” with that said, Hux backed away through the door to his office and Ben was left alone.

Later, he wouldn’t remember leaving the classroom, nor the trip down the dungeon corridors to the Slytherin common room, nor finally staggering into his and Poe’s bedroom.

He wouldn’t remember how Poe looked up from his desk when Ben entered, and how his welcoming grin immediately melted into a look of concern as he'd stood.

“Buddy?”

Ben wouldn’t remember reaching out for him with a wordless whimper or how Poe all but ran into his arms, that he tipped over his chair and knocked over his ink bottle in the process.

“I don’t want to feel anything anymore,” he won’t recall sobbing into Poe’s shoulder, eons later when he had finally recovered the ability to talk. “I don’t want to feel anything for him anymore!”

“I know, buddy, I know,” Poe murmured into his hair, his fingers digging into Ben’s back as he tried to help him control his shaking.

Ben curled up on the floor and cried, but his friend didn’t once let him go.

That was what Ben would remember.

*

Slytherin won their match against Hufflepuff the next day, probably because Ben doesn’t play; he instead spent the day curled up in bed, unable to move. Poe tried to cheer him up, waved the Quidditch cup in his face, then tucked it into bed with him when Ben doesn’t respond.

Ben touched a finger to the cold metal and didn’t feel a thing.

*

Ben couldn’t get out of bed.

He spent that whole weekend prone under his blankets, either sleeping or staring at the wall. Poe shook him a few times, tried to coax him to sit up, at least. But Ben just couldn’t.

He couldn’t bring himself to eat, either. The food Poe and the House-elves brought him went untouched. He missed the whole of his Monday classes before his uncle showed up to find out what was going on. Poe lingered nervously in the doorway, his attempts at keeping Luke away per Ben’s request having finally failed.

Luke brought Madame Kanata with him, and it was only after she threatened various disturbing hexes that Ben dragged himself to sit up and eat the chicken soup and drink the tomato juice she’d been holding.

Maz exchanged a long glance with Luke as she left but didn’t say anything; Ben would realise later that they knew what had happened, what he was going through, but no one felt it was necessary to point out the obvious.

Luke sat down on Ben’s bed and fussed with his blankets, until Poe took the hint and slid from the room.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Ben’s voice was croaky from disuse.

“It might help to.”

“Nothing can help.”

“Ben,” Luke sighed, reaching out to take Ben’s empty cup from him. “I’m not going to insult you by trying to tell you you’ll get over it and time will heal, and so on and so forth. You’re hurting. That’s not something I can talk away. But it will be OK.”

“It doesn’t feel OK. It feels awful. I want it to stop.”

“It can’t stop. You had feelings and now… well. Something was going on and now that something is obviously over. I can’t pretend to be comfortable with the fact that that _something_ was with my colleague, who’s almost a decade older than you…”

“Nothing happened until I was 18. And nothing really _happened_ anyway. He’s never laid a finger on me, not in that way.”

“That’s one relief. I’m sorry you’re hurting, Ben. But this sort of pain isn’t something anyone can fix. If it makes you feel any better, I have it on good authority that Armitage has been shut up in his office all weekend too, and Scyre tore him a new one when she finally beat his door down.”

Ben opened his mouth to say he didn’t care, but that was a lie he couldn’t be bothered trying to pretend was true, so he just said nothing.

“Look, why don’t we go for a walk? You need to get out of bed and get some fresh air. You need to take your mind off all of this.”

“Not right now,” Ben mumbled, already feeling like he needed more sleep.

In the end, Ben does go for a walk; completely alone at about 1am, drifting by himself through the deserted hallways. He goes to the door of Hux’s classroom and stares at it for a while, then sits down with his back against the wood and finally lets himself cry.


	9. May

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some death to warn you of, guys, but nothing graphically depicted.
> 
> Gosh we're almost at the end! My thesis is due in a month so I'm hoping to slay chapter 10 ASAP cos I really need to focus!
> 
> Thanks to my betas, who continue to make this fic what it is - left to my own devices it would be freaking mess.
> 
> Come chat to me on tumblr, I practically live there now: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/jean----ralphio

Over the course of May, the teachers all got distinctly weirder. They seemed to roam the castle and its grounds in packs, talking in anxious whispers, herding students ahead of them at every opportunity while they shot glances over their shoulders, as if something were coming. While classes were in session, the teachers’ eyes often skirted to the doors and out the windows, as if they were watching out for someone about to come bursting in.

Eventually, Yoda announced that there was some sort of dangerous creature roaming the Forest and that the students were to exercise extreme caution and not go anywhere near the treeline. Most of the classes that had to take place outside were now watched over by at least two additional teachers.

Professor Andor took to paying his students virtually no attention in Herbology lessons; he didn’t even have them read or do anything practical. His upper classes were ignored entirely as he stared out the greenhouse windows at the Forbidden Forest, his wand in his hand. Andor did not allow his younger students to leave the castle at all, even though his lessons were also convened by Windu and Snoke.

Jinn became borderline hysteric if anyone ventured too close to the Forest. Luke had a permanently frantic look about the eyes. Phasma took to stalking about looking ready to punch anything that moved too suddenly. Professor Erso-Andor was shadowed almost constantly by either her husband or her father, but usually both, like they were her bodyguards (even though Ben was pretty sure that if anything were to happen, _she_ was so boss that she would be the one protecting them). Yoda, who was typically only seen at mealtimes, was around far more frequently too. He seemed to mill about in Ben’s vicinity, watching the grounds from the windows.

“What the fuck is going on with the teachers? What _is_ this animal and why can’t Jinn handle it?” Rey grumbled to Ben as they’d trailed Finn and Poe out onto the lawn one sunny Saturday, the four of them pausing to watch Kenobi, Windu and Jinn disappear into the Forest together, their wands drawn.

“I don’t know,” Ben muttered back, not finding the empathy to really care.

(He _had_ asked Luke what was going on, a few weeks back when everything had seemed to kick off overnight and the students had woken to find the teachers on edge and the castle almost in lockdown. His uncle had offered nothing more than a tight smile and his usual mumble of ‘get-off-to-class-Ben-there’s-a-good-lad’, even though it had been a Sunday).

“You guys don’t know anything about it?” Poe looked back at Rey in surprise before he turned to his boyfriend. “I assumed the Head Boy and Girl would have been told a little more than the rest of us peasants.”

Finn shrugged. “Nah. No one has said anything to us, not really. Yoda called us up to his office but he just said to make sure we assist the teachers in keeping the students as far away from the Forest as we can; he wouldn’t say anything about why.”

Most of the student body was too stressed by the upcoming end of year exams to care about anything else anyway, so no one was complaining too much about the restrictions.

Ben ended up making his lonely night-time walks a habit; it was the only time he found he was able to think, and when it seemed safe to let himself feel. He drifted about the castle at all sorts of strange hours, occasionally even making it out onto the grounds, not caring how often he got caught by the teachers on their patrols. Phasma had just about wrung his neck when she found him dawdling around in a greenhouse one night. She’d hauled him straight to Luke’s office and his uncle had made him swear he wouldn’t get out of bed before sun-up again. When Phasma found him in the third-floor corridor the next night, Ben was genuinely surprised she didn’t just straight up hex him in the face. After she’d all but kicked him back into his common room, he’d glanced back at her before the wall slid shut.

“I’m sorry Armitage is such a twat, but please stop roaming around alone. If anything happened to you, he’d never forgive me,” she’d muttered, looking murderous, before the stone blocked her from view.

Ben didn’t stop.

Mostly on his wanderings he just took himself to Hux’s classroom door. Ben refused to admit to himself that he was looking for him, that he felt safest in proximity to the room, that he didn’t know what else to do about his pain except press his back against the wood and lose himself in the intensity of his longing.

Snoke discovering Ben on the floor outside the Potions classroom one cold evening wasn’t a shock, nor was the detention that ensued; nothing was enough of a surprise that it made it past Ben’s numb senses anymore.

“Mr. Skywalker,” Snoke’s voice was a low simper. Ben glanced up from his hunched position on the floor to see Snoke looming over him. “I think you’ll find Professor Hux no longer uses these quarters.”

Ben knew that; Hux had once again pulled his disappearing act and nobody had set eyes on him since he’d shattered Ben’s heart into pieces. Holdo was back as the Potions teacher substitute, holding court in Hux’s classroom. She’d moved into his abandoned suite of rooms before May had even properly begun.

Luke had refused to answer when Ben had asked where Hux had fucked off to this time; he had offered only a resigned sigh and a shake of the head.

“Is he dead?”

“No, Ben, of course not.”

“Shame.” Ben had spat.

(Poe had dragged him off to Ancient Runes by the wrist at that point.)

Snoke helped Ben up off the corridor floor, but not before issuing him a detention.

“Tomorrow night, shall we say, since you’re so fond of not being where you’re supposed to be during the evenings.”

Ben shrugged, not caring a whit.

But he started caring when Snoke led him into the Forbidden Forest the next evening. Ben eyed the Professor as he passed beyond the treeline, then glanced back expectantly for Ben to follow.

“Students aren’t allowed in the Forest. That creature roaming about is dangerous, apparently.”

“You’re fine, you’re with a teacher,” Snoke smiled at him, and Ben thought again about Jinn’s nerves when anyone got too close to the trees. “You’re perfectly safe with me, boy. What’s out there can’t hurt you, I promise. There’s nothing to worry about. Professor Holdo needs some fresh ingredients. The stores are exhausted; Hux took a lot of supplies with him when he left.”

Ben would realise later that the mention of Hux was what did it, what drew Ben after him, as Snoke had known full well it would.

“Where is he?” Ben asked, as he started to trail Snoke’s receding form through the trees.

“That’s a complicated question, and as such it has a complicated answer,” was the response. “Look, we’ll gather the Cowbane and once we’re back at the castle, I’ll tell you what I know.”

Ben had been suspicious since Snoke had first led him from the castle, or rather, since he’d first heard him threatening Hux in his office all those weeks ago. He wasn’t stupid; it was plain that whatever they were doing in the Forest, Cowbane didn’t have anything to do with it.

But Snoke had him baited. Ben trailed him obediently, keeping his expression as indifferent as possible; his need for answers, for any news of Hux, was far stronger than the tendrils of fear that had settled in his ribcage.

Snoke knew where he was going, it seemed. The dark foliage and dappled moonlight were eerie, and there was no path that Ben could see, but Snoke kept leading him onwards without any hesitation.

“What exactly are we doing, sir?” Ben asked after a while; Snoke wasn’t even pretending to look for any herbs or plants, and it had been well over half an hour since they’d begun their trek.

“Gathering Cowbane.”

“Right…”

After another hour or so of tramping through the damp, dark forest, Ben was starting to get cold even as he sweated, and his confusion was becoming rife. But the trees were beginning to thin out, and the bushes were getting smaller and less obtrusive. Had they walked the entire length of the Forest?

Snoke, without warning, shot out a hand and grabbed at Ben’s arm. Ben started to pull away, but the teacher had a deceptively strong grip. Ben stared at him, surprised. Snoke had a strange look, almost of concern, in his eyes. Then Snoke gestured wordlessly beyond them, and Ben finally spotted it.

The body of Han Solo lay on the cold ground a few yards away, staring up at the canopy of trees, sky, and stars from a bed of leaves and grass, his eyes wide in surprise.

“He tried to run,” Snoke’s voice seemed genuinely regretful. “You mustn’t do the same. Don’t try to run, Ben.”

“You killed my father?”

“No. Not me.”

“Then who?” Ben _wanted_ to cry, to scream, because it felt like that was the appropriate thing to do, but he found he could do neither. This was all too sudden, too surreal, and yet it seemed as though he should have seen it coming, that it couldn’t have been more obvious.

Snoke answered by pointing; the thinning trees indeed gave way up ahead to a moonlit clearing.

“All the answers are here, now. Your destiny. He’s waiting.”

Ben started to back away, but Snoke’s grip on him tightened and he propelled him forward, the tip of his wand pressed under Ben’s chin as an added incentive. Snoke gave him a shove to get him beyond the last of the trees, and Ben tripped over a rock and fell to his knees. He stayed there for a long moment as he looked around before slowly climbing to his feet.

There were around ten, maybe fifteen people, all in hooded dark robes, in the grassy clearing before him. They formed a loose semi-circle around two figures who stood in the centre with what looked like a cauldron between them.

“What is this? Where the fuck have you brought me?” Ben whispered to Snoke, as the figures all turned to silently appraise him. One from behind the cauldron began to move towards them, and the crowd parted to let him through.

Ben eyed the man that swept across the dewy grass; a man, who when he pushed back his hood to reveal his face, had greying hair that was long and curling, and bright blue eyes. He looked like Luke, or rather Luke looked like him.

Ben peered up into his Grandfather’s face as the man reached out his hands for him and had no fucking idea what to do.

“Benjamin! Welcome, welcome! And I hear you now go by Benjamin Skywalker! Come to me, my Grandson, my legacy.”

Snoke shoved Ben forward once more and he stumbled again; Anakin Skywalker steadied him, his hands curling around Ben’s shoulders as if to comfort him.

“Did you just _push_ my Grandson?” Anakin asked Snoke over Ben’s head; Ben watched him speak, watched his mouth say the words, felt them drip in his ear like acid, but couldn’t bring himself to react.

“I – supreme leader, he’s going to try and run, he’s – “

“Answer me when I ask you a question. Did you just lay your hand on _my_ daughter’s son?”

“I – I’m sorry,” Snoke cut off with a gasp that turned into a wracking choke, his face purpling. Ben stared back at him in horror as Snoke collapsed to his knees, Anakin’s outstretched hand and wandless magic clearly the culprit.

Ben opened his mouth to tell Anakin to stop, to spare Snoke, but movement across the clearing caught his eye. From next to the cauldron, familiar eyes were staring back at him from under a hooded cloak, his expression wary and warning. He shook his head no, just briefly enough for Ben to get the message, without being noticed by the rest of the shadowy figures.

Ben didn’t look at Snoke as he died, just kept his eyes on Hux until the awful sounds behind him stopped. Anakin turned back to Ben, taking his face in his cold hands for a moment before he began to lead him through his followers.

“I will never let _anyone_ hurt you; certainly not a worthless worm like that. Now, my dear boy, don’t worry about a thing. You’re just here to help me with something, that’s all. No doubt your head has been filled with all sorts of horror stories about me; you must know, Benjamin, that all of it is _wrong_.” Anakin gave his shoulders a squeeze and looked down at him with an almost loving affection.

“You need not fear me. I won’t hurt you. No one here will hurt you. Isn’t that right, Armitage?”

“Of course no harm shall come to him, supreme leader. He is, after all, your legacy, your heir.”

Seeing Hux push back his hood to reveal his pale face took the breath from Ben and he stumbled again. Anakin gathered him into a hug, patted his back.

“It’s alright, my boy. Come now. You can play your part and then go back to the castle, with not a hair on your head harmed. My Grandson, my legacy,” Anakin’s voice burned with pride. “All I’ve ever needed and wanted, here before me, restored to me after all this time! My children were lost to me, you see, taken from me, almost the exact instant they were born. I've never even held them! A pain I have endured, patiently, all these long decades.”

Anakin’s tone had become bitter, and seething, but when they reached the bubbling cauldron where Hux stood, he seemed to perk up again. Ben glanced away from his eager face to look down into the cauldron, where a silvery potion seemed to be swirling.

“I am sorry about your father, Benjamin,” Anakin said, giving Ben’s shoulder a squeeze before letting him go. “It must have been a terrible shock for you to see his body like that.”

 _As if you didn’t place his body there, specifically for me to see?_ Ben wanted to ask. Instead he kept his mouth shut, his gaze flicking from the potion, to Hux’s indifferent face, to the robed figures that blocked any hope of his escape.

“I won’t lie to you, it was payback, in part,” Ben’s Grandfather carried on, his expression tight. “Han failed you. What sort of man would I be if he went unpunished? What kind of husband and father abandons his wife and son, hm? You were only two years old when he walked out, leaving my Leia alone but for her brother. So, of course, it wasn’t a surprise when Han failed me too.”

“What do you mean?” Ben tried to keep his tone neutral.

“He had a simple task to perform, a way to redeem himself, a way to prove he had any shred of love and loyalty left for you and your mother. It was Han who was meant to bring what I needed from you here to me. But he couldn’t. And yet, no matter,” Anakin gestured around the clearing before he spread his arms wide.

“Snoke completed the task, at least, in a way. You are here with me, at my side, where you belong. Besides, you don’t need Han Solo, and Leia has never needed _anyone_. My Leia, Minister for Magic for sixteen years! How proud I am. She’s so like her mother. And look at you! Look how well you’ve done for yourself without him!”

“Mum said… we thought you were dead?” Ben chose his words carefully. “That you’d been killed not long after Padme gave birth.”

“Yes, I suspected those were the poisonous sort of lies fed to her. It’s not her fault. Nor Luke’s.” Anakin sounded almost sympathetic for his children. “But it’s alright now. After tonight, the truth will finally be revealed, they will understand, and we can be a proper family again. I have bided my time, gathered those loyal to our family name, waited… and finally, all is ready. You are eighteen, old enough, strong enough…”

“Time for what? Strong enough for what?” Ben’s head was swimming and he was having trouble keeping his eyes off Hux, who wouldn’t look at him.

“It’s an old magic,” Anakin divulged, the excitement clear in his voice. “Only the most pure and perfect of bloodlines have the history and experience in their veins to successfully perform such a ritual. And none are so ancient and powerful as the Skywalkers. Come, Benjamin. All I need is a few drops of your blood; yours, our living legacy, our descendant. And then she will be back with me, your Grandmother. You want that, don’t you?”

“How,” Ben whispered. “How is that possible? She’s… Padme is dead…”

“She is lost to me,” Anakin agreed. “She was taken, stolen from me, and is now only a shade, a memory, a ghost. But no longer. Through you, she will be restored, and our family will be reunited, whole. Your blood will call her. She will be mine again.”

“What… what am I supposed to do?”

“A few drops of your blood, into the cauldron it goes, and she is back.”

“It can’t be that simple. Dark magic never is.”

At Hux’s soft intake of breath, Ben realised his mistake; Anakin’s expression flattened, and his eyes narrowed. “Are you defying me, Benjamin? My own blood, my own Grandson, how long I’ve watched and waited for you… and you _dare_ to defy me?”

“No, Grandfather! I want her back, I want our family restored,” Ben promised, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

Anakin’s expression cleared, and he reached for Ben once more. “Dark magic can be temperamental, untrustworthy, dangerous, it’s true. You are smart to be wary; Padme was always wary, always warning me, worrying... But now it will reunite us, and she will finally see! You will see too, my boy. Dark magic can pose no threat to our family. Not to a Skywalker! We are its masters, you see; it bows to us, bends to our will. We rule it, command it. You would have known that sooner, had I been allowed to raise my children the way I wanted.”

Hux stepped forward at that point, a small knife in his hand, and Anakin pulled back the sleeve of Ben’s robe.

“I’m going to cut you very lightly, Mr. Skywalker,” Hux told him, his voice completely impartial. “I will collect a small amount of your blood. There’s no need to be alarmed. I won’t hurt you.”

“I know you won’t,” Ben murmured back. He didn’t know why Hux was here, how he had come to be tangled up with Anakin, how long their association had been going on for and what influence it had had on his relationship with Ben. He had no reason to trust Hux anymore (nor to still love him), yet Ben did with a certainty, a conviction that he couldn’t fight. Whatever was going on, Hux's queer behaviour finally made sense.

Hux finally looked up at Ben as he let the knife bite almost tenderly into his skin. His gaze was gentle, and he smoothed one hidden finger down the back of Ben’s arm as he handed the knife to Anakin so he could hold a vial against Ben’s skin to collect a trickle of his blood.

Hux was here. Hux wouldn’t let anything happen to him. Ben was safe.

The blood was added to the potion as Anakin healed the small cut on Ben’s arm, then wrapped his arm around Ben’s shoulders again.

“Almost time, my Grandson. Almost time.”

“What do I need to do, Grandfather?”

“You’ll drink the potion. And she will come to you; your blood will call her, and she won’t be able to stay away. She’ll come and you will guide her back to me.”

“How?”

Anakin merely smiled and stepped away. Hux was holding out a chalice for Ben, which he’d filled with some of the swirling, smoking potion. Ben fought the urge to shy away from it; whatever this was, whatever it was about to do… it wasn’t natural.

But Ben had to pretend, so he took the chalice in his hands. Hux moved closer to him on the pretext of making sure his grip was firm, and covered Ben’s trembling hands with his own.

Anakin was addressing his followers behind them, thanking them for their loyalty and patience, promising gifts and glory in return for the faithful service they had shown in helping to restore the Skywalker family to power.

“Don’t touch her,” Hux whispered to Ben, eyes intent on his face though Ben could barely see his lips moving. “Promise me, love, no matter what happens. Don’t touch her, don’t let her touch you.”

But Anakin was moving back to them and Hux was stepping away, his expression neutral once more.

“All is ready, supreme leader. Mr. Skywalker is free to drink.”

“Thank you, Armitage. Your abilities far surpass those of your father, as I knew they would. I am so pleased you agreed to join me in my cause; you have proved most invaluable.”

“It has been my honour, Lord Vader.”

Anakin turned finally to Ben and gave his arms a fatherly squeeze with hands that trembled.

“It’s time, Benjamin. You are restoring our family to greatness, and with it my First Order shall rise again.”

Ben tried to smile back, as Anakin’s manic eyes bored into his. At his grandfather’s urging, and with one last look at Hux over his shoulder, Ben drank deeply. The potion tasted like winter, like biting wind and ice so cold that it burned.

The smoke from the liquid seemed to block Ben’s senses as he drank, churching up into his face, and he screwed his eyes shut at the sting.

When he opened them, swallowing the last of the potion as he did so, the mist had covered everything, and he could barely see his own hand holding the empty chalice. Something in him simply knew he wasn’t in the clearing anymore; it wasn’t just that Hux, and Anakin with his followers were gone or out of sight, somewhere in the haze of the mist.

Ben was now somewhere else entirely.

As he peered about in confusion, trying to see through the pressing grey vapours, a woman appeared, garbed in white with long, unbound dark hair. She smiled at Ben as she moved through the mist towards him, her eyes as warm and soft as his mother’s.

“Padme? Grandmother?” Ben whispered, not believing she could possibly be real.

She was young and beautiful, and she reached her hands out to him with a sigh of longing, her smile rapturous. He almost forgot himself, forgot Hux’s warning; but he managed to step out of her reach. She cocked her head to one side, confused.

“Benjamin? Oh, darling boy. It's OK. I’m here now.”

She came forward again, taking a step for each that he took backwards to evade her.

“Grandmother…” Ben didn’t know what to say, how to begin to explain.

Padme was already getting distressed with him, tears welling in her eyes.

“Don’t you want us to be together with our family? Don’t you want me back? You have come for me, haven’t you? You’ve come to take me home?”

“I… I don’t think I can do that, Grandmother.”

“Of course you can, Benjamin!” Padme laughed, and her smile was so comforting that it stopped him in tracks. She reached for him again. “You’ve come and now we can go back!”

“Mother, don’t!”

Padme turned from Ben, confused, as Luke loomed out of the mist.

“Mother. Don’t.” Luke begged again, and Ben’s Mum was with him, clinging to his arm. They were staring at Padme, all the longing and want in the world in their eyes, but when Leia saw her son she let go of Luke and rushed to Ben.

“Don’t touch him, Mother, please,” Leia whispered to Padme as she planted herself between them. “If you touch him, he dies. It will kill him.”

“I only wanted to be back with you, Leia,” Padme’s voice was like a raging ocean. “I only wanted to be with your father again, my beloved, and with you, my children. I never got that chance.”

“I know, Mother. But the trade is Ben’s life. You don’t want that,” Luke’s voice was gentle as he came to stand next to his twin sister.

“His _life_? No!” Padme gasped, “No, Anakin would never!”

“He very much would,” Leia insisted.

“You need to go now, Mum,” Luke told her, and together he and his sister moved forward to urge their mother back, to keep shielding Ben from her. “You have to move on. You have to let go.”

“But I can’t!” Padme wailed. “I want to be with my husband! I want to be with you, my children, and with Benjamin! I want my family back, my life back!”

“But you can’t have it,” Leia was crying too. “You can’t, Mum. You have to let us go.”

“But I love you!”

“We know. We love you too. But if you try to come back, Ben will die. My son, your Grandson, will die.”

“No!” Padme looked horrified. “No, I won’t allow it! I would never let anything happen to Benjamin!”

“You want to protect him? To save him?” Luke asked her, and Padme nodded emphatically.

“Yes, of course! I’d do anything for our grandson!”

“You want him to live, more than you want your life back?”

Padme’s eyes slid past her own son to lock onto Ben again.

“Yes,” she seemed to calm, then, as she smiled at Ben again. “Yes, anything, anything to keep my Grandson, our legacy, safe.”

“Then let go, Mother.”

“Oh,” she sighed, looking sad, her form already starting to fade.

“I’m sorry!” Ben called to her, not knowing what to do, what to say.

“I love you,” Padme told him, but Ben didn’t have time to say it back before the mist was pressing in, swallowing Padme and her children, and pushing Ben away.

When Ben stumbled back from it, hands grabbed at him, and Hux was dragging him away and running for the treeline before he could so much as blink. Around them a battle was raging, the clearing was in chaos, and Ben threw a glance over his shoulder as they ran.

The cauldron remained where it was, but there was no sign of the mist, or of Ben’s mum. Anakin and his followers were locked in battle; Aurors in their scarlet robes were in the middle of the field, a line of defence between Anakin’s First Order and many of the Hogwarts professors. Ben just had time to spot Yoda, Professor Jinn and Professor Kenobi duelling Anakin for all they were worth before he was pulled into the safety of the trees.

Anakin was screaming in rage, that they wouldn’t topple all he had built, that his wife and children were to be returned to him or else he’d bathe the forest in blood, and his words followed Ben as Hux hauled him away.

“Where’s my Mum? Where’s Luke?”

“Safe. Not here. We couldn’t risk them being in his proximity, as well as you. Even if you were saved, he could do the ritual again with either one of them. They’re back at Hogwarts, in Yoda’s office.”

“No, they were there!” Ben told him urgently, but Hux, pulling Ben alongside him by the arm, wouldn’t slow down. “They were there in the mist, with Padme, they stopped her!”

“No. They are safe. They aren’t here. They drank a sort of counter-potion I spent months concocting. The thing I was working on that you were so jealous of,” Hux let out a bark of laughter. “It allowed them to follow the tie of your blood, and bypass Anakin, but only once you’d entered the plane.”

“Padme didn’t know. It’s not her fault,” Ben wanted to explain further, wanted to ask more question, but nothing else seemed to make it past his lips.

“No,” Hux agreed, casting him a long look. “Padme Amidala would never have agreed to take part such a monstrous ritual. But she was bound as much by her pain and anger as Anakin has been. Injustice has a way of holding people enthralled. Anakin has been the victim of his own grief at the loss of her and their children for almost twenty years. And so has she.”

“I feel sorry for him. He loved her so much, he just wanted to be with her. I feel sorry I prevented it, almost.”

“But he was going to kill you to achieve that. As ever, Ben, you’ve got a skewed sense of your own value.”

“Are Yoda and the others going to be OK?“ Ben asked; the flash of spells and sounds of the battle had faded now.

“I don’t know. Maybe not. Some might die. We all knew the risk; everyone that’s back there fighting the First Order is doing it because they know it’s right. Stopping him, protecting you, finishing the Order once and for all… we all had our reasons.”

“He was going to kill me,” Ben realised, letting it finally sink in. “An hour ago I didn’t even know he was alive, and he was willing to just trade my life away.”

“His love for Padme… he’d have done _anything_ if it meant having her back, even killing you. And I would have done whatever it took to stop him, to keep you safe. Luckily, Padme had a much better sense of what’s right and what’s bloody batshit insane. and we knew our best bet was to appeal to her.”

Hux let go of Ben’s elbow as he spoke, so that he could wrap both arms around his waist as they forged on together through the trees.

“How did you get mixed up in this?” Ben asked, trying to rub the headache out of his temples with the hand that wasn’t clutching at Hux’s shoulders.

“They were waiting for me when I returned to my father’s home in Ireland, after his death; rather, after Anakin murdered him. Anakin knew nothing of my feelings for you, but I still found myself with little choice but to agree to his demands and brew the potion that would call Padme with your. I told Yoda, Luke, and your mother as soon as I returned to Hogwarts. We agreed that the best way to keep you safe was for me to go along with whatever Anakin wanted; all of the Aurors in the world couldn’t have protected you from Anakin Skywalker, once he’d set his sights on you. When he got you, as we always knew he would, the intention was that you would have someone there who might go some way towards protecting you and getting you to safety.”

“He’s what’s been stalking the Forest?” Ben realised.

“Yes, he’s been holed up out here for months and months. Yoda forbade any contact or engagement, aside from mine, obviously. And all along we knew Snoke was a traitor, so that wasn’t a surprise. Luckily, he never told Anakin about the relationship between you and I; he far preferred to lord it over me with threats and blackmail.”

Ben shot a glance at Hux, who was looking ethereal in the moonlight. Hux’s voice lightened from its bitterness as he carried on.

“All the Professors have been taking turns to the patrol Hogwarts side of the forest. Your Kelpie is very fond of following me when I make my trips out here. I send her back before she gets too close though. I didn’t want anything to happen to her.”

They both turned back periodically to check over their shoulders as they walked, but they saw nothing but the press of trees, the rapidly lightening sky.

“I get it now, by the way,” Ben murmured to Hux after they’d been walking for some time, stealing another glance at his profile. “Why you broke things off. And why you couldn’t explain it.”

“I hated myself for it. But I wasn’t certain Snoke wouldn’t tell Anakin what had been going on, and I was terrified of being the reason he got you… that Anakin would use me to lure you out here. And that you would come.”

“Phasma called you a twat,” Ben said, trying to lighten Hux’s sullenness.

“Is that all? That’s one of her nicer names for me,” Hux reasoned, his grip on Ben’s hand tightening when Ben tripped over a tree root. “We’re almost there, my darling. Almost home.”

Ben could see it too, the vague shape of the castle through the trees; he pulled Hux to a firm halt.

“Wait a minute, Armitage. Please.”

Hux cupped his face with a soft noise. “It’s alright now, my lovely. You’re safe. He can’t get you now.”

“I know… I just. I thought I’d lost you. That you didn’t care about me. And… Merlin, people might die tonight… my father is already dead, because of me…”

“Nothing that has happened has been your fault. And I couldn't stop caring about you if I tried.”

Hux kissed him then, and Ben sighed into it, wound his arms around his neck and let himself sink against him, let himself revel in the soft mouth brushing against his with all the tenderness in the world.

Even so, even through the haze of peaceful euphoria that Hux always brought to him, the sound of his Kelpie’s hoofbeats approaching was such a relief that Ben could have wept.

She appeared through the trees and huffed in Ben’s face when she reached them, and he pulled one hand free of Hux’s hair to touch her.

“Am I in your bad books?” Ben asked her, letting his hand stoke her head. “I’m sorry.”

She snorted and tossed her mane before she turned and began to lead them onwards.

“We’ll just follow you, shall we?” Hux asked her, and she whinnied as if in response as they finally left the Forest. She snorted at them a few more times before she trotted off back towards the lake, looking strangely proud of herself.

Phasma, Andor and Erso-Andor were standing on the stairs to the castle’s doors; the last line of defence between the Hogwarts students and the horror that was being committed in the forest.

When she spotted them, Phasma came running down the lawn to Hux, throwing her arms around him with a shout.

“I was so bloody worried about you, you little shit!”

“Love you too, Scyre,” Hux murmured to her, and she crushed him even tighter in her arms.

“Ben!” Professor Andor reached him and he and his wife disentangled his hand from Hux’s and began to pull him towards the doors. “Come on, quick, inside. It’s not safe out here.”

“But…”

“If you try to argue I’ll have Scyre punt you through those doors,” Professor Erso-Andor told him sternly.

“Come on, Ben,” Andor insisted. “You Mum’s desperate to see you, don’t make her wait.”

Cowed, Ben shot one last look at Hux, who smiled at him before he turned to keep watch of the forest with Phasma.

Luke and Leia, it transpired, weren’t interested in staying locked in Yoda’s office after all. They were sitting at the bottom of the Grand Staircase when Ben was shoved through the doors, and both leapt to their feet at the sight of him.

“Mum!”

Ben’s mother let out a cry of relief as she ran to him, and he flung his arms around her as she began to sob against his chest.

“Thank the Force,” Luke breathed as he pressed in to pull Ben’s head down onto his shoulder.

When they eventually unravelled themselves from each other, Luke insisted on heading outside to stand guard with Hux and the others. Leia yelled at Ben until he finally agreed to have a bath and go to bed. He ended up sleeping in Luke’s suite, not wanting to disturb or scare Poe by going back to their room, even though he desperately wanted to see his best friend.

Sleep was difficult to come by though, even once Ben was clean and dry, warm and fed, and was curled up on Luke’s bed with his mum’s hand stroking his head.

“Go to sleep, son.”

“What happened to Padme?”

“She’s gone. Moved on.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s OK. You’re safe. Whatever else has happened out there, that was what always mattered the most.”

“Dad’s dead. He killed him.”

Leia’s hand stilled in his hair for a moment before she resumed stroking it back from his forehead.

“Just sleep.”

Somehow, Ben did.


	10. June

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys.  
> Wow.  
> Can't believe this is finally over. I absolutely loved writing this. It got me through the 6 weeks of lockdown my country went into back in March, through the writing and handing in of my master's thesis, and through our second lockdown over August.  
> The support i've received for this has been mind-blowing, and I am especially grateful to my amazing, epic, wonderful betas: saxgoddess25, akoya-pearls and of course my lifelong parabatai whosthathufflepuff. Thank you.  
> Come @ me on tumblr: jean----ralphio

Aside from Finn and Rey (and Poe, because he’d latched onto Ben like a limpet as soon as he’d spotted him the following morning in the Great Hall and refused to let go for the rest of the day), the students were told nothing about what had happened in the Forest. The battle had been far away enough from the castle that its inhabitants had passed the night none the wiser, even when the survivors trickled back into the castle with the weak light of dawn.

The deaths of Professors Yoda, Jinn and Erso, on the other hand, could not be hidden.

Luke addressed the Hall, Leia’s hand tight in his under the table, and announced that the Headmaster and his two Professors had given their lives in the fight against the creature that had stalked the forest. In doing so they had allowed Professor Kenobi an opening to strike the killing blow and put an end to the threat, the danger, the fear, the suffering.

Some students had gasped, hands over their mouths; some sat stunned in frozen silence, uncomprehending; others just wept. Professor Erso-Andor had started to sob so violently in her husband’s arms that he had to sweep her from the Hall out a side door. Ben watched Hux watching them go with sad eyes, his arm across Phasma’s broad shoulders.

Afterwards, Ben led Poe, Rey, and Finn up to Luke’s office, and they were filled in on the truth. Poe had held both Ben and Finn’s hands the whole time with his mouth agape in shock. The tight fingers wrapped around his palm was the only thing that let Ben keep himself, marginally, together, as Luke recounted the truth of affairs of the previous night. He told them everything, from Hux’s covert machinations, to Ben’s kidnapping by Snoke and the events after he drank the potion, through to Anakin’s death, how his body had crumpled, almost pathetically easily, to the Forest floor.

When Luke was finished, Rey reached over and laid a hand on Ben’s arm.

“Are you OK?”

“I don’t know,” he told her.

“It’s over now,” Finn’s voice was firm with conviction. “You’re free of him.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be free. But I’m safe.”

“And that’s enough,” Poe pronounced, giving Ben’s hand another squeeze.

*

Luke made another announcement at dinner that evening, during which no one could bear to eat, and the food grew cold on the tables. Ben watched his uncle sigh as he gazed around at the pale faces of his students before telling them all exams were suspended. Their final grades were to be calculated according to how they had tracked during the year. It was impossible to feel relieved. It was impossible to feel anything but the shock, the pain of the deaths of men they had all admired and loved.

Ben kept telling himself, over and over, even as May became June, that it wasn’t his fault. Thinking of Yoda hurt. Thinking of Erso _hurt_. He didn’t let his thoughts touch on Jinn at all, and he felt guilty about that, but it was too much.

Even as he tended to the creatures alongside Chewie, and tidied Jinn’s cabin, and yeah, OK, pilfered a few bottles of rum from his desk, Ben kept his brain as blank as he could. He kept trying to trick himself that Jinn was just outside, just in the next field, just out of reach, but still OK, still _fine_ , still there.

It almost worked.

Ben didn’t think enough time could ever pass that would allow him to really believe he wasn’t culpable, however ignorant he had been of his grandfather’s survival until their meeting in the Forest. It _was_ his fault. Ben hadn’t asked to be led into the Forest, he hadn’t even known his grandfather was alive and rebuilding his First Order, he had been blissfully unaware of the truth right up until he had stared into his grandmother’s sad eyes, and Hux had dragged him to safety.

But his blood, his very existence had spurred Anakin on, driven him more and more mad over the years; the man had been consumed by Ben, by the way he could manipulate him to ensure Padme’s return.

Ben accepted, slowly, bit by bit, that there wasn’t anything he could have done any differently that would have saved his Professors’ lives, that would have stopped his grandfather’s descent into rage and grief-fuelled madness.

But it hurt. It would always hurt.

He went to Hux every night and curled up in his arms, though they didn’t touch beyond that. There was too much between them, thick and heavy like tar, keeping them apart. Wading through just yet was insurmountable. It was enough to know that Hux truly loved him, and he knew Hux could tell that Ben loved him just as fiercely in return, even though nothing had been said out loud.

Instead, Hux would trail his fingers through Ben’s hair and let his palm sweep broad and firm down his spine, over and over. Ben would close his eyes and sleep with his head on Hux’s chest, his arms around his neck, lulled by the steady thrum of his heartbeat, his pulse, his breathing.

Hux had gone through months of spying on Anakin, reporting back to Yoda and Luke, risking discovery and death at every turn. His free time, when he hadn’t been dealing with Ben’s tantrums (or dealing with him in other ways), had been spent working himself into exhaustion trying to create one potion for Ben as per Anakin’s orders, and the counter-potion for Luke and Leia. And he’d done it for Ben, to keep him safe, to ensure he could stay close to him, to try and get them both through the inevitable mess unscathed.

It simultaneously chilled Ben’s blood and took his breath away if he thought too hard on how close they had come to losing each other, and how much Hux cared for him, so he simply pressed himself close each night and revelled in the safety, the calm, the comfort, and let the pain and guilt evaporate away in the darkness.

*

The warm June air of their penultimate day as Hogwarts students found Ben and Poe sprawled on the grass by the lake, Ben’s Kelpie in the water nearby. All three of them were dozing in the bright sun – or at least Ben _was_ , until a shadow fell over him that blocked the heat and light from his skin.

He groaned in dissatisfaction.

“The Headmaster is looking for you,” Professor Kenobi told him, before Ben had even opened his eyes.

“Does that mean I have to get up?” Ben grumbled, choosing instead to turn his cheek into the soft, fragrant grass and sun-warmed earth.

“It absolutely does, yes.”

Ben groaned in response again, but then a second shadow blocked even more light, and Ben just _knew_ it was Hux.

“Go on, Ben. Get up,” Hux chided him from somewhere down near his feet, and if Kenobi hadn’t been there Ben totally would have kicked him in shins.

Poe whined as he was dislodged from using Ben’s arm as a pillow when Ben finally sat up.

“Can’t Luke just yell whatever it is he needs out his window?” Ben asked as he stretched his limbs loose. “I can hear him from here and we can have the ensuing argument without me even having to move.”

Hux’s lips quirked, and Kenobi shook his head.

“Trust me, this isn’t something you want bawled across the grounds.”

“What have I done now?!” Ben muttered, as he finally clambered to his feet. “Whatever it is, it wasn’t me, it was Poe.”

“I feel like that’s fair,” Poe allowed, from where he was still stretched out on the grass half-asleep.

In the end, it was Kenobi who decided to walk Ben to Luke’s office, because the Kelpie was too busy nuzzling at Hux for pats and got his robes saturated, and Poe went straight back to sleep, the dick.

“I’m sorry about Jinn,” Ben told Kenobi carefully, as they pushed through the front doors of the castle. They hadn’t really spoken much, in the aftermath.

“And I’m sorry about Anakin,” Kenobi said, his voice equally as low. “Qui-Gon was the first to volunteer to go after you, you know.”

“What?”

“When Hux’s patronus came to warn us it was time, that Snoke had brought you to Anakin and Luke and Leia had to take the potion, Jinn was out the door before anyone could catch him up. You were his prize student, you know, out of everyone that he’s ever taught in 40 years.”

Tears prickled at Ben’s eyes, and he couldn’t believe this moment, three weeks later in a hallway with Kenobi, was when his brain finally decided he was ready to cry.

Kenobi stopped him, squeezed his shoulders, and then pulled him into a tight hug as he wept. When Ben didn’t – couldn’t – respond, Kenobi kept talking.

“Yoda, Galen and Qui-Gon… all three of them died for what they believed in, Ben. For Yoda it was the need to bring down an old and dangerous enemy, powerful and terrifying, but who had been untouchable in the shadows for too long; for Galen it was his desire to protect his daughter and his hope that her family could have a future without needing to fear dark magic and its practitioners; and for Qui-Gon it was you. He believed in you and laying down his life for yours was a price he was more than willing to pay.”

“I don’t… I’m not… I c-can’t possibly be w-worth…”

“You are, and you always will be,” Kenobi said, as he let him go, once Ben had covered his robes in tears and, to his embarrassment, a bit of snot. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You can do whatever you want, go where you please. You’re safe, and you’re free.”

“I don’t feel it,” Ben confided, wiping at his eyes. “I feel… heavy. Lost. Once I leave Hogwarts, I don’t know how I’ll ever move on, how I’ll ever let go.”

Kenobi clapped him on the shoulder as they continued on their way.

“Things will settle. The guilt will fade. Focus on your family, your friends. Enjoy summer. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time.”

“Thank you,” Ben couldn’t think of anything more to say, and the rest of the trip to Luke’s door went in peaceful silence.

When he entered the Headmaster’s office alone, Ben thought that Luke – who was dozing with his head on his fist – looked more tired than ever. Ben took a seat opposite him, letting the legs of his chair scrape to wake his uncle.

“Oh, Ben, right,” Luke rubbed at his eyes then smiled ruefully at him. “Armitage and Obi-Wan found you then. Good. Now. What were your plans for summer?”

“I don’t have any,” Ben said slowly, not liking the strange gleam in his uncle’s eye.

“You do now; Jinn sourced some Aethonans a few weeks back – for real this time – in Ireland. I’ll need you to collect them and bring them back here. And then you might as well stay on. The rest of the animals will need looking after, and Chewie can’t do all the work alone. In fact, it looks like you’ll need to come back during the school year, too.”

“Won’t the new Care of Magical Creatures Professor be able to cope?” Ben wondered, cutting short when Luke simply stared at him from across the desk. “I mean, isn’t it a bit rude for me to…”

Luke muttered something that sounded suspiciously like _How are you this dumb, with your genes?_ before he carried on loudly.

“I’m offering you Jinn’s position, Ben.”

“What?”

“He was going to retire; Yoda was going to offer it you anyway. We’ve been preparing you for it all year, you were just too distracted and stupid to notice.”

“WHAT? You can’t be serious; I can’t teach straight out of school!”

“I did,” Luke shrugged. “So did Armitage, and Cassian. The creatures already know and trust you. You handled those classes you took for Jinn very well. Just say yes, son.”

He’d get to see Hux every day. He’d get to see his uncle every day. He’d get to see his animals every day.

“OK. OK. Yes.”

*

Ben couldn’t find Poe, when he made it back out into the sunlight and fresh air of the grounds, which meant he was probably off somewhere making out with Finn. Not wanting to search too hard and actually discover them, Ben headed back down to the lake and called his Kelpie to him. She rose from the water and trotted over, reaching him just as Rey appeared at his elbow.

“Hi Ben,” Rey smiled at him. “Can I hang out with you? We were over on the other side, by the Forest, but Poe came by and I’m pretty sure he and Finn are gonna – “

“Don’t need to hear any more! Sure, Rey.”

The Kelpie nuzzled at his head as he sat down on the grass, then she leant down and snuffled at Rey, who giggled as the cold water trailed down her hair.

“So. What a year, huh?” Rey offered, after the Kelpie was satisfied and had made her way back to the lake, and a long silence stretched between them.

“Is it weird I kind of get him?” Ben said, before he could help himself, the thoughts that had been nagging at him finally bursting free. “My grandfather, I mean. He lost his wife and had his new-born babies taken from him in the space of twenty minutes. I kinda get why that drove him off the edge of the cliff he was already teetering on. All he wanted was his family back…”

“No, it’s not weird,” Rey allowed. “I think we’ve all got dark and light in us. For some, there’s more of one than the other. Was it losing his loves that turned Anakin ‘evil’ or was he already so far down that path that even keeping them couldn’t have stopped him?”

The Granddaughter of the Dark Wizard Palpatine, who was on par with Anakin in terms of epic assholeishness, Rey knew what she was talking about.

“I have no idea,” Ben replied. “I knew so little about him to begin with, and the guy I met in the Forest was just… sad. Lonely. Unhinged. I’ll probably ever know the truth.”

They lapsed into melancholic silence again before the misery got too tight in Ben’s chest, and he cast about for something to talk about to distract them.

“So, what are you going to do now, Rey? Poe’s got a place with either the Bats or the Wasps, if he wants. I hear Finn’s off to Medi-wizard school to study to be a Healer. I’m stuck here forever, it looks like. What about you?”

“I dunno,” she stretched and lay back on the grass, looking thoroughly unconcerned. “The Harpies have contacted me, but I don’t know if I want to settle down into pro-Quidditch yet. I kinda feel like… I wanna live. I wanna do whatever the most dangerous and exciting thing I can think of at any given time is. I just want to… go running out into the world and never stop.”

“I bet you won’t,” Ben shook his head with a laugh as he finally relaxed enough to settle back on the grass next to her.

They were still there when Poe and Finn came wandering past, as the sun began to set. Poe’s hair was a rumpled mess and Finn’s robes were on inside out.

Ben scrunched his nose up and tried not to dwell on what they must have been doing. Poe just grinned at him and offered his arm to help him to his feet (they both pretended not to see the high-five Rey gave Finn).

Ben and Poe, in keeping with tradition, got completely tanked in their room that night, sharing some of the mead from Jinn’s cabin (Ben’s cabin now, so Ben’s alcohol – and they were reasonably confident Jinn would approve).

They sat facing each other by their window onto the lake depths, the light filtering green around them, passing the bottles back and forth. The Kelpie rolled and swirled through the water as she passed them a few times, then broke for the surface above.

Neither of them felt the need to speak.

*

Graduation was… quiet. No one seemed particularly happy, or sad, or relieved, or excited. It was just _all_ , rolled into one, until the only way Ben could cope was just to disassociate (except every time he caught Hux’s eye, the thrill it sent through him… yeah, Ben could tune out everything else, but the want? No. Never. And if Hux thought Ben had forgotten his plan for after the ceremony, he was damn wrong).

Uncle Luke beamed with pride when Ben crossed the stage towards him and hugged him fiercely. Ben was pretty sure he could hear his mum crying from where she sat with all the other parents, and about ten bodyguards.

Then it was done, and Ben was officially no longer a student. He shot Hux another smirk as he made his way back to his seat, then grinned to himself at the eyeroll he got in response.

Ben didn’t attend the feast, choosing instead to slip away from the crowd making its way to the Great Hall before anyone could look for him (especially Leia’s bodyguards). Poe saluted him as he ducked away down the corridor to the dungeons, his knowing grin enough to make Ben stifle a laugh.

He settled down to wait in Hux’s classroom, deciding that was where he wanted it to be; sure there was a bed a few rooms away, and Hux’s office next door had been the usual location for their encounters, but no. Here. Hux’s desk, which Ben had watched him over from his preferred station at the back for so many years.

He cast a heating charm to warm the room and stripped with his usual efficiency, taking his plug from the pocket of his robes, and casting a lubricating spell on himself. Working it in alone wasn’t as fun as it could have been – he was transcending impatient when Hux _finally_ deigned to show up.

“So, this is where you disappeared to,” Hux grumbled as he slipped into the room and locked the door behind him, once he spotted Ben perched stark naked (and already hard) on his desk.

“Oh, please, like you’re really surprised. Also, fuck you for making me wait.”

“You’ve been waiting a long time, from what I understand. What’s another hour?” Hux smirked as he crossed the room to stand between Ben’s legs and kiss him gently.

The years of daydreams and tension, of fantasies and yearning; the months of being so close but so far, what Ben wanted most of all before him, willing but always just out of reach. Now here they were and there was no more fear, no more nerves, no more traitorous voice whispering that Hux didn’t really want him, couldn’t possibly _want_ him.

Best of all, there was no more reason to wait, no more risk of discovery.

“I love you,” Ben murmured, and Hux cocked his head to one side as he studied him, before a slow, soft smile spread across his face.

“Not half as much as I love you.”

Ben opened his mouth to argue, (because fuck off, Armitage, honestly), but he was instead caught up in another long kiss that had him gasping, thrilled at the ferocity.

He let his hands roam over Hux, stroking at his neck, up inside his sleeves, starting on the buttons of his robes. Hux tilted his head back with a groan when Ben squeezed at his hips, then slid his hands down lower.

“Darling, no, I don’t think…”

“You promised,” Ben reminded him, as he scooted back on the desk to give Hux some room, feeling his blood pulsing all through him as the plug shifted. “I just graduated. You promised.”

“Technically, I didn’t promise anything, you just demanded,” Hux’s voice was strangled, his eyes fever bright in the low torchlight.

“Fine. You can go debate the technicalities to yourself in the corner if you like. But you can’t make me stop. You don’t have authority over me anymore.”

“I will always have authority over you. You’re still a student.”

“Nope, not a student. I’m a Professor now too, almost. We’re equals. The Headmaster’s protection charm has ended. And even if it hadn’t, I couldn’t give a flying fuck what Luke knows. I want you and I can’t bear waiting any longer. So get over here.”

Hux’s hands clenched into fists at his side.

“I will not.”

“You will,” Ben told him serenely. “You’ve watched me do this for you how many times? Doesn’t it feel good to know you can finally do it for yourself? You can touch me now. You can do anything to me. I’m ready for you, and I’m all yours.”

Ben was already throbbing, and the plug was pressing on the desk and pushing at the perfect angle inside him, so he leant back on his hands to better display himself. Hux was gazing at him avidly, his mouth open a little, a sweet longing in his eyes.

“Come and touch me. It’s alright now.”

“I can’t. I won’t be able to stop,” Hux whispered weakly.

Ben just rolled his eyes and lay back properly, letting out a mutter of “Getting you to start is enough of a battle, you think I’d ever want you to stop?” before he reached down to toy with the base of his plug.

“I can’t,” Hux whimpered again, his voice much closer. Ben looked up to see him looming over him, looking broken as he watched. Ben tugged on the plug with a whine and Hux echoed it back to him.

“You can’t, darling… We can’t…”

Ben pulled the plug until it was almost out, unable to keep from whimpering and Hux’s eyes widened as he watched him slide it back in.

“It feels so good. You’re gonna feel even better. Armitage, please, I need you so badly!”

Hux struggled and failed to suppress a full body shudder, and his hand shot out to grab Ben’s wrist, stopping his movements.

“No!” Ben whined, but his cry of distress was replaced with one of pleasure when Hux tugged the plug completely free and sunk to his knees to replace it with his tongue.

“Yes, fuck! Oh yes, yes, yes!”

Ben bolted upright, then lay back again, not knowing what to do with himself. The warm, wet tongue was better than anything he’d ever known. Hux circled his hole over and over until the rim was quivering and Ben was trembling as he tugged helplessly at his hair, his whimpers filling the room. It was only when Ben had begun to wail from need that Hux began to flick his tongue with almost excruciating precision over his hole. He kept that up until Ben was slapping at his shoulders and trying to use his thighs to draw him deeper before he finally slid his tongue in properly.

“Yes, fuck yes, come _on_ ,” Ben snarled down at him, because it was so good but not enough all at once. “Come on! I’m ready, I want it! Go faster!“

He was cut off by his own cry of delight when Hux pinned his hips down, rendering him helpless, unable to keep up his desperate thrusts the way his body wanted to. Ben thrashed and wailed instead, loving the wet heat pressing inside him, the way Hux’s tongue thrusted and flicked and swirled.

“Please!” Ben could only sob, could only keep sobbing as Hux worked him until his hole was completely lax. “Please! Please! Please!”

He was half delirious when Hux finally stood and wiped at his mouth before hauling him bodily off the desk and pushing him to the floor beside his chair. Ben responded with a matching aggression, finally able to focus his desperation. He shoved Hux down onto his seat and ripped at his robes to get them open, not caring when they tore and his nails bit into Hux’s skin.

Hux hissed at him, annoyed, then hissed again when Ben clumsily wrapped his lips around his cock, which looked so gloriously flushed and hard.

“Oh, love…” Hux mumbled, his furore calming with every amateur swipe of Ben’s tongue. “My darling boy...”

They’d never really compared their sexual history (all Ben knew was that his was non-existent before Hux, and Hux had once mentioned that his was unfulfilling before Ben). But Hux must have known Ben had never done this before, as the hand on his head was patiently guiding his pace while holding him back from taking too much.

Ben didn’t have the first clue what he was doing, all he knew was that he wanted to do whatever made Hux feel the best; that he wanted to get his cock as wet and hard and aching as he possibly could. He licked and sucked at it until his jaw ached, but even then, he didn’t stop, just kept bobbing his head to take as much he could down his throat.

The noises Hux was making, the soft little whimpers as he petted at his hair, were doing a surprisingly good job at making Ben even harder. He was just considering taking himself in hand when Hux pushed him off and was bundling him back up to the desk before Ben could even properly get his feet under him. He was pushed gently by the shoulders blades until his torso was flat on the wood, his legs spread, and he panted against the dark wood.

“Look at the sight of you, darling,” Hux muttered, his hand smoothing down Ben’s spine, running over his ass to grip his left thigh and help him lift his leg to brace on the desk. Then Hux was bending over him, and his scorching hot and dripping wet cock was just pressing against Ben’s hole.

“Oh, love. My love,” Hux groaned into his neck, but it was Ben who cried out in pleasure when he finally pressed in, feeling so impossibly big as he filled Ben, stretched him, so much better than anything else.

“Armitage…” Ben whined his name, immediately wanting more, faster, needing to finally be _taken_.

“Shh, shh,” Hux rubbed at his shoulder, then reached under him to give his cock some relief, stroking it firmly. After the burn of him finally faded, Ben let himself rock little by little, using the desk as leverage to press back in time with each stroke the long fingers offered him.

“Good boy. Good, perfect, lovely boy,” Hux muttered in his ear, and Ben pressed himself back against his chest, mouth seeking urgently for another kiss. Hux held him against him like that as he let his thrusts deepen until he found the spot that made Ben shout, and then he was pressed face down on the desk once more.

Ben clung to the far edge of it as Hux gripped his hips and started to work faster, deeper, with long, quick strokes.

One of them was letting out a noise that sounded completely feral; Ben couldn’t begin to articulate how good it felt, couldn’t string two words together to tell Hux how incredible his cock was, how this was better than Ben had ever dreamt, had ever known it could be.

“I love you,” he managed to choke out at last, the feeling simmering away under his skin as the pleasure built from it. Hux nipped at his shoulder, then kissed a path up his neck so he could press his cheek against Ben’s hair, which was rapidly dampening with sweat.

“I love you too, my darling boy. You feel so fucking good around me, so sweet and warm, all for me. All mine.”

“All yours,” Ben grunted back, then grunted again when Hux pulled out and was pushing him up onto the desk properly, laying him down on his back and pulling his ankles up onto his shoulders.

“Need to get deeper, lovely boy. Need to show you. Need you to feel it. You know you’re mine, don’t you? My love, my lovely.”

“Yes,” Ben whimpered back, grasping at Hux’s forearms as he braced himself over Ben’s body and slid his cock back in. “You’re perfect, it’s perfect! How is it this so perfect?”

Hux just leaned down and kissed him again, pressing in as deep as he could, and Ben had to pull away to cry out.

“That’s it. Tell me how much you love it. You’re mine. My lovely. My lovely boy. Say it. Don’t stop saying it!”

“Yours,” Ben whined, eyes rolling back with the feel of Hux’s cock stroking in and out, rubbing him so thoroughly towards completion. “Only yours. Oh, fuck me, please!”

He wasn’t sure which of them gasped as Hux began to pick up speed again, but his own breathing was so ragged that he didn’t think it was him, didn’t think he had the oxygen left in his lungs to spare.

Ben reached up to push Hux’s hair out of his eyes, then slid a hand down his neck and chest, tracing a path through the sweat that was rolling down his torso, all while he whimpered at him for more, harder, faster, please.

When he reached down to touch himself, Hux nudged his hand away and wrapped his own fingers around him again.

“Mine,” Hux muttered. “Finally, all mine, you’ll never need to do it yourself ever again. Anytime you want it, you tell me, and you’ll have it. Give you everything…”

It was _almost_ too much, the hand on his cock, the sensations building inside him, but then Hux circled his hips, relentless, and it was absolutely, entirely too much. The pressure against Ben’s prostate, the warm fingers stripping his cock, the pleasure on Hux’s face… Ben came all over himself, with his mouth hanging open in awe at the sight of the man above him.

Hux was out of breath watching Ben in return, and his thrusts finally got to the calibre Ben wanted; hard and fast and mercilessly deep. He pressed his face to Ben’s shoulder when he came inside him, filling him with warm wet spurts as his teeth sank down on his collarbone and his ragged breaths puffed cool over Ben’s heated skin.

Ben couldn’t hear angels singing; Hux didn’t seem lit up with some primordial glow; it didn’t correspond to any of the ‘first time’ clichés he’d heard (it was so _messy_ ). But the way Hux said “fuck, fuck, _fuck_ , love” as he came, the feeling of his weight dropping in defeat onto Ben’s chest, his own inability to keep from giggling at the way their sweaty, flushed bodies stuck together a little when Hux eventually straightened up… it was good in a way Ben hadn’t even known to expect, wouldn’t have imagined to look forward to.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, lovely,” Hux mumbled to him, once their breathing had calmed and their heads had cleared of foggy bliss. He wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist and helped him off the desk, kissed him a handful of times. “You don’t want to miss the boat.”

*

As the departure time grew nearer, they headed back out to the grounds together, almost but not quite touching, their hands just brushing.

Students, professors, and parents milled about outside. The Seventh years were gathering by the lakeside. Ben’s mum was surrounded by admirers and Poe was getting yelled at by Andor for trying to steal a Whomping Willow sapling. All was right in the world.

“I won’t be away too long,” Ben told Hux in undertone as they lingered on the outskirts of the crowd, wishing he’d kissed him more back in the classroom while he’d still had the chance. “I’ll spend some time with my mum, she’s taking a bit of leave. Then I’m going over to Ireland, to the Aethonan sanctuary in County Mayo. I should be back here in a fortnight, with a small herd.”

Hux actually laughed, “I’m from Mayo. Say hello to Jannah for me, she’s still running that sanctuary, I believe.”

“I will,” Ben mumbled, watching his mouth, and fighting with all he had not to lean in.

Hux smiled at him, that same genuine, soul-warming smile that had started it all, seven years ago. Then his fingers brushed the back of Ben’s hand before he was striding away after Phasma, who was returning Andor’s sapling to the Greenhouse.

Ben let his mum kiss his cheek and fuss with his hair, then Poe was huddling under his arm and they were making their way to the lakeside.

Luke hugged every student before they climbed into the boats. Ben thought he felt a few of his ribs break when it was his turn, and his uncle finally released him.

“I’ll be by your mum’s in a few days. Did you need company to Ireland?”

“Rey’s coming, actually.”

“Just don’t take Poe.”

“I still call bullshit on that,” Poe pronounced, from where he was waiting for Ben in their boat. “Aethonans are the _shit_! Seeing the sanctuary would be boss! Why can’t I come?”

“Because you’ll either set the place on fire or lead them on a stampede through the nearest muggle village,” Luke grumbled.

“ _If_ I did, it would be an accident!”

“Not risking it. I’ll write a statute specifically to bar you from Ireland, if I have to,” Leia told him, and Poe grumbled to himself that it was so lame that no one ever let him have any fun.

When Ben finally dropped into his seat next to Poe, and all the boats started moving off together over the water, Ben’s Kelpie burst through the surface of the lake. She ran alongside him, sunlight filtering through her body, making her mane and tail sparkle.

“I’ll be back before you know it, Padme,” Ben called to her. “So, you be good while I’m gone.”

She whinnied a response and he let it fill his ears, then turned when Poe nudged him, a bottle of spiced cider already in his hand.

“Did you steal that from the cabin?” Ben asked as they clanked the bottles together in a toast.

His best friend grinned as he took a swig. “From you? No! They’re from Luke’s office! Tradition, eh?”

“I’ll drink to that,” Ben laughed.

He shot once last look over his shoulder, watching Hogwarts recede behind them, before he turned to face the setting sun on the horizon that grew ever closer up ahead.


End file.
